Ineedhelp!! wrote on 27 May 2009 02:14:
I just want to see a glimpse!
INH
I will give you a glimpse of why I keep going back to my SA meetings. At the meeting which I attended yesterday we read and shared from the White Book, from the chapter called "How I Overcame My Obsession with Lust". The reading of this chapter is so powerful discusses techniques in overcoming lust in great detail, and the shares from other members with various degrees of sobriety amazing. Addictions are known to be "forgetting" diseases, addiction is the only illness that will tell you, you do not have it. I have to constantly go to meetings, work the steps, talk to other members and my sponsor on a regular basis. For me listening to a shiur on the 12 steps simply will not work, they may for you but I am too sick for shiurim in isolation I need the whole package deal of face to face meetings, interacting with other recovering addicts at meetings on the phone, I need a sponsor to guide me through the steps as well as to discuss what’s going on in my life generally to make sure I am not resorting my old thinking, my best thinking got me to be a raving addict, I cannot trust myself so my sponsor constantly prods me in the right way. If R' Twersky gives a shiur on the 12 steps I would love to hear it, to hear his perspective on it, but for me that on its own is not enough. For me the 12 steps are not merely a onetime exercise to cure me, they are a way of life that I have to adopt to stay well, a way of life that comes from our Torah.
I will give you a glimpse in my day how they worked today. This morning when I woke up the first thing I asked Hashem for is to keep me sober today. I called my sponsor before I started work and discussed with him what my plans for the day where and committed with him that I am going to stay sober, I also shared with him that I am experiencing cravings for masturbating. During the day I found myself looking at women on the streets and in my work so I called another member and shared with him what’s going on, and surrender these obsessions. I also received 2 calls from members who were struggling. This is a daily working of steps 1 - 3. My life is far from perfect and I have many areas that I need to work on. However on my own even with this forum which is amazing I would not stand a chance. I believe that deep down each one of us know what we need to do for our recovery, there are many reasons to act out but no excuses, and if you feel that a shiur on the 12 steps is going to be what it takes, work it to your utmost but if not, read tool #15 from GYE Handbook as Guard so eloquently writes "Trying to learn the 12-Steps without a group is similar to learning brain surgery from a book. Anyone who wants to become a professional surgeon must join hundreds of real-life surgeries before they may be qualified to practice surgery on their own."
I will end off my Shabbos Hagodol Drosho by quoting from the White Book chapter How I Overcame My Obsession with Lust -
"How did I do it? I didn't. A woman in AA told me after she spoke in a meeting, quoting Chapter 5 in Alcoholics Anonymous that "G-d could and would, if He were sought." And that's how I did it. By letting G-d do it. Because I couldn't. But G-d could and would - and did. But I had to go to meetings to learn things like "Meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings, meetings...." That's what they told me. "Just keep bringing the body". "Work the steps, work the steps, work the steps, work the steps," By going to meetings and working the steps; that’s how I did it. That's how I learned to let the grace of G-d enter to expel the obsession."
May we all find the solution that works for us, and work it to our utmost to defeat this illness.
Hatzlocho.
London
