I asked this a while back and I'll ask again. Does anyone know how to get free or cheap phone service? Google voice wont work because my current phone plan doesnt allow me 5 free numbers (unless theres another way to make all GV calls for free??) and VOIP (or whatever its called wont work because I dont have a credit card I could use fro this and I cant always make it that I'll have internet (as a matter of fact my wireless internet is broken right now). I own a prepaid phoen already but with minutes. I used to pay 40$ a month for DC calls but thats out of my budget right now. Anyone have other suggestions? I want to get on the DC calls again as soon as I can but cant with my current phone.

Gut Voch

-Yiddle

Dear Yiddle2,

Hopefully you will find someone smart to help out, but in the meantime at least I have to thank you for showing me another human being who is actually doing something for themselves. At least you are trying!

Hey all,

Havent done this before and its something I should really do more. Ask for help.

So here's my issue: I know that my anxiety definitely causes me to act out. I am feeling a little anxiuos now with a ton of work and more work to come. What should I do? (Please dont give mt the 'pray to God answer because I done that, now its time for some real Hishtadlus where I work and figure out how to beat this and not just sit back and assume God will because I ask Him to)

Thanks

-Yiddle

PS. I am making a call that I am not going to get any answers tonight that will help me atleast for the short run. I hope this doesnt lead to another fall tinight.....

RIP GYE Forum.....

Reb Yid Yid,
I just happened to be online as you were posting.

Bummer of a challenge; I think we're all there. I am, near daily.

No joke that anxiety makes the temptation higher. Makes the fix seem more appealing, and makes the resistence feel more futile. Add another factor like sleepy, or irritable, or whatever, and sometimes I can feel like it's hopeless.

So what works? Boy I wish I had good suggestions for you. Or for myself (whom I know a little bit better).

1. Sometimes I can jump outside myself and look down on myself from above:  from the future, from the smarter, from the less anxious, from ... some other better place. The higher 'me' knows that this acting out is silly, and just needs to tell the 'current reality me' what's going on.

2.  Food is a good distraction for me. Either as reward for good behavior or as keeping my mind off of other things. Of course, I've gained 10 pounds since trying to get 'clean' in all this. Not sure food is a perfect substitute.... (Besides, I need a new wardrobe.)

3.  Doing something for someone else is surprisingly distracting to me. Gets me out of my 'self' with those certain needy little body parts crying for attention. Like, maybe, try posting on someone else's thread.

4. I've tried with success the advice around this site to just tell the YH to come back in an hour. "Sure, I'd be happy to act out with you. Sounds great. But I'm a little busy now. I'd enjoy it more in another hour. Come back then?" And of course, repeat this speech every hour and never give in.

5.  Future projection.... Could you ask yourself, "what do I want this weekend to have looked like, come Monday morning." In other words, will you be happy with yourself on Monday if you act out today? Ask yourself that question every hour as needed....

Well, not much help, I know. Maybe enough to keep you going through the night.

Write back.  Good night. Good Voch. Give kovod to your friends' Torah.

- Briut

Thank you Briut for your quick response. Unfortuantely those things dont work for me. I have tried all those tricks to rid myself of anxiety but it just latches on to me against my will (sounds familiar?). I need to attack this anxiety thing at the source and I am just not sure how. I tried therapy but I really just hated it and didnt work at all. I would read a book if someone had any good suggestions. I remember someone referring me to a book earlier but I never got a chance to get it. Anyone have experience with anxiety and knows anythign I can do? Just telling myself that I dont need to eb nervous because its in Hashems hands hasnt really worked for me.

I really need help. I mean really. Not just in this aspect but also in the lust aspect. I cant do it anymore. I loved where I was a few months ago but I dont know how to get back there. I was well on my way to recovery and just fell flat and I am now worse than I was when I entered GYE. I dont know what to do and I wont do face to face meetings (I know youre saying "if youre so desperate then just do SA meetings already." Well to be honest I dont think I'll ever go to an SA meeting. Id probably sooner live with lust. If you want to know why you can PM, email, or gchat me.)

Who woulda thought I would have so many Tzaros in life.......

-Yiddle

bummer, man. I don't have any more useless platitudes, then. And it's late on my east coast, so I'll get some sleep and keep thinking....

Hey Yiddle,

Good morning, shavua tov.
Hope you are feeling a bit better after a good night's rest.
I hope to speak to you soon on gchat...

pm me... might have some ideas.

I am going to do some Cheshbon Hanefesh because Ramchal says we need to do it everyday and I rarely do it.

I woke up late today and got to davening late. Something that almost never happens to me. Ok I'll make sure to set my alarm.
I didnt learn much Torah today, but I was involved in GYE-related stuff so I am not as annoyed with myself as I would normally be. I spent about an hour with a friend I dont see so often so that was good. I wrote a post in a new thread that I think will help me alot. My Shmiras Einayim was actually pretty good and although a few bad thoughts entered my head, my Shmiras Machshava was better than most days. I had a great night seder and I learned some new techniques that will hopefully help me get rid of my anxiety (I am still taking suggestions if you have any).

Today was a pretty good day thanks to Hashem.

PS I heard a great Mashal today. Life is like a boxing match. As long as youre breathing you still have a chance even if you get knocked down.

Hi all GYE-ers,

Havent posted on this thread in a while. Been wokring through the steps with Dov. I think I am ready to move to step 4 which is a fearless inventory of myself. Nothing is fearless for me so with the help of my God may Hashem take away my difficulties so that I can do His will and serve Him better.

On the first step, I have found that I am completely and 100% powerless over lust and the effect it has on my mind, body and, most importantly my spiritual being. It has caused and will only continue to cause my life to become unmanageable. It really only gets worse. All I have to do is read over the history of my lust related actions to recognize that.

For the second step, Its pretty obvious to me that if I cannot help myself because of my powerlessness then only a being greater than myself can restore me to sanity. My whole life I have been giving power to lust and many other entities. Its time time to give my power to a being that actually loves me and cares for me. That being is God. I give lust the oxygen it needs to breathe. It is nothing without the power that I give it.

In step three, I am working on turning my will over to the care of God. This is not just in lust, its in everything. I cant pick and choose what I want God to control in my life. Its all or none. A normal person probably could pick and choose, but not me. I am sick with a powerfull disease that feeds off self will. As soon as I decide to use self will as a motivator, lust, my symptom, swoops in and takes control. Isnt that ironic? May Hashem help me give my will and care of my life over to Him. Help me do Your will and not mine. Please Hashem, rid me of self will so that I can better serve You and be more of servoce to the rest of the beautifull world that You created.

Hope everyone is well!

-Yiddle

I was reading throught the "12 & 12" and found some great things in there to take with me through recovery

Here's a quote that I found especially helpfull to allow me to understand whats asked o fme in step 3:

Page 36:
"Let's examine for a moment this idea of dependence at
the level of everyday living. In this area it is startling to discover
how dependent we really are, and how unconscious
of that dependence. Every modern house has electric wiring
carrying power and light to its interior. We are delighted
with this dependence; our main hope is that nothing will
ever cut off the supply of current. By so accepting our dependence
upon this marvel of science, we find ourselves
more independent personally. Not only are we more independent,
we are even more comfortable and secure. Power
flows just where it is needed. Silently and surely, electricity,
that strange energy so few people understand, meets our
simplest daily needs, and our most desperate ones, too. Ask
the polio sufferer confined to an iron lung who depends
with complete trust upon a motor to keep the breath of life
in him."

I don’t realize how dependent I am on things that I cant even understand let alone things that I can understand. This past week I was leaving my house for a short errand and decided that I’d better lock my door instead of leaving unlocked. Yes, I would have to go around to the side to get into the house again, but I would be assures that my house was safe. Afterwards, I felt a little weird. I had just put my trust in a lock. Why cant I put it in God? Why cant I trust that God will protect my house? I understand that a certain amount of Hishtadlus needs to put into everything we do, but its not as if I left the door wide open for someone to walk in, it was just unlocked. In the end, the house was safe, but not because of the lock, its because Hashem protected the belongings that He gave me and my family. I am inclined to believe that had I locked or unlocked the door when I left, the outcome would have been the same had I just asked Hashem for help. It is this sense of insecurity that ultimately holds me back in my path towards recovery. It’s the fact that I tend to feel safer doing things on my own rather than rely on God. And in fact, as seen from the excerpt from “12 & 12”, it is quite the opposite. I will never find true independence from doing things my way. I will always feel more and more insecure about life and what lies ahead. Relying on God brings true independence because it allows me to live life without the worries that haunt the person who blocks God from being in his life. Just as there constantly electricity being pumped into my house without me knowing it, God is also pumping life into me directly from a tube that connects to Him.

I can now go to sleep feeling more secure knowing that God is with.

-Yiddle

Just wanted to share a thought with everyone about addicition and its purpose in life.

Every notice those ridges on the shoulder of a highway? What in the heck could they be there for? Well there is a purpose for everything in life.

I was coming back from a date late at night probably around 11:30. That week I was perscribed medication from my doctor to take when I need it (anxiety). Well that day I felt I needed two of them. I neglected to read the bottle which said something along the lines of "Do not operate heavy machinery after taking. MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS and... oh ya only take one pill at a time!!" When I was on the highway, I dozed off going 65 MPH. I drifted from the middle lane into the outter lane and was not too far from the divider. All of a sudden I felt some crazy shaking and loud noise in the car, I woke up and quickly swerved back onto the highway. The shaking and loud noise was caused by the ridges in the shoulder. Had those ridges not been put there, I would have went right into the divider and who knows what would have happened next.

Thank God Hashem put the ridges there to wake me up that night and He constantly puts "ridges" in life to keep waking me up.

-Yiddle

P.S In case you didnt get it "ridges"=addiciton :

Thanks for sharing.  But I always viewed it opposite of what you said.  Addiction=no ridges.  You see most people have that healthy sense of guilt that keeps them in line.  once they begin falling off the road, they have the inner sense, the "ridges", to remind them that they are falling off, and they get back on.  We have driven over those ridges so many times, we feel nothing anymore when we drive off the road, until we ***CRASH*** into a tree.  And then we tell ourselves that we will be very careful next time not to drive off the road. And sure enough, ***CRASH***,  this time a huge rock. OUCH!!!  All because we have no ridges stopping us and reminding us.  OY VEY.

Be well my friend.

Maaglei Tzedek wrote on 18 Aug 2010 22:14:


Well in recovery life is different. Life and everything in it is a Bracha. The ridges keep me on the road. I think maybe weresaying the same thing?? Not sure.

Yiddle2 wrote on 15 Jan 2010 15:18:


Again.