Yiddle2 wrote on 07 Feb 2010 17:08:


Is Pritzus an issue if one is careful to walk out for the commercials and halftime show?

It is, if one has a thing for flying pigs.  :


Really sorry.  ;D

Ay yiddeleh ay yiddeleh.

Wats going on my holy yiddeleh??

I didnt get your last post?? Does it mean you are or arent gonna post so often anymore?? :-\

I am powerless over lust. As soon as it enters my mind and body, it will take me over. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but sooner or later I will act out if lust finds its way into me. In order for me to be in recovery I need to successfully keep lust out of my body, not have the ability to fight it off when it comes in. Its too late then. I’ve lost. But because I am powerless, I really cant do this alone. And although I powerless, that doesn’t mean I cant take precautionary measures to protect myself. It is my responsibility to bring myself into a state where I can be helped. That’s what being powerless means. Understanding what I am powerless over. Only lust. I am not powerless over whether I have a filter on my computer or not. I am not powerless over whether I close the computer when I sense something bad coming on the screen. Those are ploys of the Yetzer Hara to tell me that I am powerless over those things as well. I must not fall into those traps. I can accept that I am powerless over lust, but not what triggers my lust. I also need to recognize what causes my lust. Seeing Pritzus does not cause lust, it may trigger it, but doesn’t cause it. Lust was already inside of me if I am triggered. My inability to be content with what Hashem has given and my need to control every or any aspect of life causes my lusting. This is a Middah that I can work on and should look to perfect if I want to be in recovery. I am always looking at the bad that I have and never at the good.

If I would just take a scale and weigh all the good on one side and all the bad on the other, I would see that the good would completely outweigh the bad by a long shot. And after weighing all of these things, I should realize that its all good. Everything turns out for the best for me as the Gemara in Brachos says. I am mekabel on myself, bli neder, that every morning when I wake up I say Modeh Ani, put my feet on the floor and think of five things that I am truly grateful for. And Bli Neder, I will do the same before I go to sleep. If I want to be in recovery I need to recognize that Hashem runs this world and I am just a pawn in His ultimate plan. I do the Hishtadlus but the Totzaos come from Hashem. I cannot have Bitachon in Hashem through my mind. I need to have it with my heart. As the pasuk says in Mishlei, “Betach BaHashem Bechol Libecha Ve’el Binascha Al Tisha’en. Seeing that pasuk has had a great affect on my bitachon and it is something that I should engrave into my mind and erase these images of Shtus. As I look outside right now, there is a lot of snow. The reports sent out a ‘blizzard warning.’ With all of our modern technology, you would expect that we would come up with some way to combat snow, so that when it falls it just melts and people can go on with their regular lives as if it hasn’t even snowed. But for some reason we just can’t. The busiest city in the world has to shut down because of a white powder that is blocking the streets and making unbearable conditions for cars. This is like lust for me. You would think with all the Torah out there, I would be able to combat this lust addiction. But no words of Torah can just make this go away. Torah is great, don’t get me wrong. I think Torah can heal a lot of bad Middos that we have. But sometimes we just need to look beyond Torah and into the creator of it. Hashem. The snow and lust are here lets grab our shovels and dig ourselves out the old fashioned way.

I am not preaching to anyone but myself here. I do not tell myself that there is but one approach to this and if you I don’t do the 12 steps, then I will never be healed. I have done them. I think some of them have great Yesodos in them. I need to find a way that speaks to me as a Jewish lust addict. I need to explore this idea more. Maybe Torah can pull me out. I do believe that if I change my perspectives in life then I will be in recovery. I guess you can say that Mussar will do that. I need to be more Mesameach Bechelko. Hashem is my provider and whatever He gives me is the best gift anyone can give me. Right now I have life. I have the opportunity to do Miztvos. Mitzvos bring me closer to Hashem. And whether I realize it or not, Hashem is here. He is behind everything. I just need to realize that. I need to bring myself to a state where I dont even question that even if my conclusion is that Hashem is behind everything. Rav Wolbe in Alei Shur says that if you have a choice to do 2 things. One thing will show more Bitachon than the other. Lets say one has an option to either work for Parnassha or learn in Kollel. He thinks it out in his mind and weighs the options and he chooses Kollel. Just by questioning that, he lacks Bitachon. He may have made the right decision, it shows a lack in Bitachon. I want to get to the point where I dont question things and just have true Bitachon. DOnt get angry if someone pokes you in the back because you might turn around and see its a blind man with a walking stick. Dont get frustrated becasue you got a bad grade on a test because you dont know what the future holds. Be happy with who you are, where your are, what you are, and who you have to rely on. What are my motivations in my actions? I want to go to sleep tonight not because I deserve it for a hard working day, I want to to sleep so I can do it again tommorrow. God created the world in six days why I am trying to control it, I am not the only one here. I think what this sickness all boils down to is our Bitachon in Hashem.

People come into GYE and say "I am embarrassed to say that I am in Kollel." Its a Bracha. Many people go through life without having true Bitachon and they never realzie it. They could do so much more and there's nothing there to tell them "Stop! You KNOW you can do better than this!" But we have that. This is our wakeup call. Hashem calls us and says "Good morning this is your wake up call that you ordered!" "But I didnt order a wake up call!" and Hashem says "Ya I knew you were going to need one today so I did it for you!" This is a lifelong journey. Not about lust addiction. Not about GYE (sorry but GYE isnt the end all be all). And not about what I want. Its about Hashem and how I can improve my connection with Him. Try to do the Sheis Mitzvos Temidios everyday. They are not hard to read but the point is to internalize them. Have true Ahavas Hashem. Yiras Hashem. Which does not mean fearing Hashem. Rav Wolbe in Alei Shur says it means realizing Hashem is here. He gives a Mashal of a drunk guy whos parading drunk in front of the king and of course he doesnt realize it because he's completely drunk. The king looks on with disgust and finally decides to take a bottle and smash it in front of the drunk guy. The guy wakes up and realizes who he's in front of and starts to cry. Thats Yiras Hashem.

I said alot of random points there. Probably wont make sense to any of you but I needed to do that for myself to put life into perspective. Where am I going and where do I want to be.

(sigh of relief)

-Yiddle

PS. Dont feel like this needs a response because it was purely for myself but others may get some good use out of it, but if you wish to respond please do so with any corrections you feel should be made in my understanding of concepts.

Hey Yiddle i think your gonna have to write an abridged addition so that those of us who wanna read but dont have the eyepower to read such a long post on a computer will be able to enjoy it. Please?? :-\

imtrying25 wrote on 10 Feb 2010 21:04:


Sorry IT25, this is what I intended to do. If you would like to reak=d it and feel its too long then read a paragraph at a time. If you would have read my post, you would have seen that we cant try to be controlling, thats part of the addiction. So now is your Nissayon: how are you going to deal with it?

-Yiddle

Ill print it out. :D :D

Thats beautifull. You have taught me a great lesson! Dont try to change the world, change your perspective (also in my post)!

i always say; people say we cant change the world, but i say we can change the world , by changing ourselves!

Sorry, Yiddle2, but here is some response:

Gorgeous. Just plain gorgeous.

OK, now for the fun part. You say you have done the steps. Then you talk of gaining bitachon in your heart. I do not doubt you, rather I only wish to ask: How did you do the second and third steps without getting bitachon in your heart? I don't understand.

The steps are not like Torah, which (sadly) can be a book, and just read without being believed in at all nor incorporated. The steps are not information - they are a program. Hence the term, "Program" (Heb: "siddur").
You don't read them and think about them. You put them into action. Only.
So, in a friendly and nonconfrontational way I really want to ask what you mean by 'doing' them.

To me, the steps are what you are talking about near the end of your second paragraph below. Looking at Hashem. Really though, they are not exactly about Hashem, as much as they are about the "looking at" part. We learn to direct ourselves to truth. Starting with the truth about ourselves...ouch.

I wish EVERYONE a Gut Shabbaos and a Freilechen Purim!!

Anyone else feeling the after effects of Purim? Been kinda slow today and have been frustrated for acting the way that I did AFTER (Baruch Hashem I was really besimcha ON Purim), it was really afterwards that I wasnt feeling it) Purim. Hopefully Hakadosh Baruch Hu will have Rachmanus on me and speed up my brain because right now its moving at a really slow pace.

-Yiddle

This is hilarious but really really sad. This is what some of the Goyish world has come to. Be thankfull we have Hashem and the Torah to guide us through life.

Please read this:
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Texas College Campus Divided Over Bible for Porn Campaign
Tuesday, March 02, 2010 


Print ShareThisA Texas college campus is locked in a fierce debate after a group of students launched the "smut for smut" campaign, trading bibles and other religious texts for porn, MyFoxSanAntonio.com reported.

Atheist students at the University of Texas at San Antonio announced that any student over the age of 18 will receive pornographic materials if they trade in religious materials, according to MyFoxSanAntonio.com.

Leaders of this atheist campaign allege that porn is no worse than what's written in religious texts.

A university spokesman says that this controversial cause is completely legal, though he admits a majority of the students on campus do not agree with it, according to MyFoxSanAntonio.com.

The group will continue its activities on campus through the middle of the week, according to the site.
________________________________________________________________________________________

Hakadosh Baruch Hu Matzileinu Miyadam!

-Yiddle

The fact is, should I ever choose lust I am trading-in what I've got for smut. I have some sanity, a relationship with my G-d, I'm a useful husband and useful member of my family on many levels, have a deep and powerful kesher with a big bunch of SA friends, and an amazing kesher with beautiful yidden here on GYE, and an enjoyable and decent job.
That's some of what I'd be trading-in for smut, should I ever choose to lust and act out today, R"l.

I am also feeling after-effects from Purim. Could it be that the heavy drinking had something to do with it?