Well, unfortunately my streask cam to an end. I have a different feeling though than what I usually feel. I felt the same emptiness once I fell, but now I am confident that I can go the 10 days that I just did and beyond. If I am going to look in the past why not look at the 10 days i was succeeding. I choose not to look at the one incident that I had in the past 10 days that brought me down but the overwhelming majority of time that I was on a high. Thank you Hakadosh Baruch for everything. Hmmm writing that last line I realize that as much as I daven to Hashem to help me, I never thanked Him for keeping me clean. I have to start doing that. Everyone have a great Shabbos!!

-INH

Ineedhelp!! wrote on 23 Oct 2009 15:28:


What a positive post!  You never used that awful word ("Fall" or "Fell") once!  On second glance, you used it once, but it's not the focus of your message.  Chazak v'Ematz!

Hey all,

Again, I fell last night. Where to go from here? What have i done wrong? I think im making huge progress and then I fall twice in 3 days after 10 clean ones.

-INH

Reading the GYE handbook can help you find the tools that you haven't tried yet.

Ineedhelp!! wrote on 25 Oct 2009 14:14:

Dear INH - You certainly have a lot going for you, and I'll list some of the things that I recognize, with some ideas for getting more out of them:

1)The fact that you recognize you have a problem.
We who recognize that we have a problem need to learn to actually treat ourselves and behave differently than people who may not have a problem (that is, most folks out there). Totally aside from the issurim issue (which all yidden - addict, ill, healthy, tzaddikim - share), things go better for me when I admit that I am different and therefore have no business whatsoever staring at that window/image or person nor mulling over that lust idea/temptation or analytical pretzel thingie. Adios! It's off limits for me because I do not have the ability to do it/use it to my benefit. Nothing to do with mitzvos and aveiros, necessarily. In my case (and maybe in yours, too) I made the whole yetzer hora and nisayon business so triggerring for me that it became a useless framework to operate in. It usually makes things worse for me, actually.
In mussar terms, if you wish (if you recall "bo'u cheshbon" in mesillas Yeshorim where he recommends figuring out the s'char aveirah): there really is no s'char aveirah for me in this. No cheshbon to make, unlike other yidden. Focusing at all on the issurim involved only backfires for me. So, in the end, I end up with kedusha anyway, just not at all the way I thought I would get it... Any problems with that?

2)You have a positive attitude.
There really is no other way to get anywhere, especially for people with challenges. Being down is just plain silly. Today really is my main business.

3)You are getting the inside out, sharing more and more openly.
The more the merrier. Just keep staying w/safe people for this.

4)You are taking responsibility for your own recovery.
Reading the literature, asking questions. The written work for the steps is very helpful to me, too, and it helps me with sharing my specifics with someone. "I am only as sick as my secrets" is a major yesod for many in recovery.

5)You are so quickly admitting/revealing the fact that you had used lust.
Many folks wait a few days, sit in it for a while, and brew. Then they finally share it - for much less benefit, by then.

One critical comment, though, chaver, regarding, "I think I am making huge progress...":
I am a firm believer in the virtues of the bicycle (or tricycle) over the eighteen-wheeler. Yes, we all have feelings of making huge progress from time to time, and we often are! However, my focus needs to be like Dovid hamelech's: "Pischu li sha'arei tzedek" Open the gate for me - I haven't even entered the gates of tzedek yet! I'm a baby! I don't know from progress. Today is a new avodah and a new me! I thank you for the good feeling of making progress, but what's really on my mind is: "What's my job today/what can I accomplish now, for You and for Your people?"
Look, I need a lot of encouragement, too. But for me, the trap of thinking that I am now more healthy or free than I really am, tends to screw up the growth. Return to earth is guaranteed, the easy way or the hard way. Poor me .
Hashem loves me so much that apparently He is happy to join me on my tandem tricycle!  ;D

Just came from my first call in on Duvid Chaim's phone group. Here are some thoughts:

1) You can think all you want about the forum. It is a great thing. It makes you feel like you are not alone. The phone group is on a completely different level. Hearing the voices of the other Jews in the same situation as me is so comforting. I rewcommend everyone call in once, even for just a few minutes.

2) He keeps hitting these points that apply to me and I am sure they apply to everyone here. Granted, alot of them I cannot related to, but when he says something that I can relate I just want to listen more and talk in more (even though I decided not to speak up at all this time around).

3) 13 weeks may seem like a long time. And it is. But Its really so interesting that I want to go to them.

-INH

I think you should change your name to "I'm Getting Help!" 

If you change your to Kodesh Hakodashim! :

Here's a great quote I just saw from an anonymous author:

"The important thing about a problem is not its solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution"

Great quote for us but I would change problem with "challenge" or "issue" (thats for you Duvid Chaim). so lets read it:

"The important thing about a challenge is not its solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution"

Hope everyone is having a great day cause I am!!

-INH

Anyone else think the forum is getting dull? No new people are posting, not many vets are posting, and really, NOBODY is posting??? What is going on? Something I dont know about?

-INH

Ineedhelp!! wrote on 27 Oct 2009 18:16:


The forum has been very busy all day.  Do you mean that no one has been posting on this thread?

No i mean in general. where are people posting?

Ineedhelp!! wrote on 27 Oct 2009 18:19:


Go to the top of the screen and click on "Show unread posts since last visit."

INH is right. I haven't posted in a loooong time on this forum...

Hey Chevra,

baruch hashem this week has been great for me and building my connection with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I recently joined Duvid Chaim's phone group. I have a techincality that will inevitably prevent me from continuing going to the group. Maybe one of the holy yidden on GUE can help me with it. I only have 700 minutes on a SHARED plan with my father. The group takes 60 minutes four days a week. You do the math. That doesnt bode well for me. Unless I can find an immediate solution, I will have to drop the group. Today is probably the last day I can call in from my phone. Chevra, please take 2 minutes and think of a solution for me. I really want to continue the going ot the group. It has definitely helped me a great deal. Thanks for your time and support.

-INH