HELP!!!!!!

I was about to fall... teice today already but b'h i didnt. Anyone here to help me?

YES POST HERE EVERY 10 MINUTES OK
U CAN DO IT

Thanks for being here bardichev. I think I am feeling better. Im gonna go learn something now. But its so crazy i typed the website into my URL twice! and i was able to fight it off. Ive never even done that once.

TAKE A BREAK FROM YOUR COMPUTER

SMOKE A CIGARETTE

DRINK A COFFEE

RUN AN ERRAND

DO SOMETHING!!!!!!

Hey  Bardichev thanks for being there for me. B'H I decided to close my computer and take out my chumash to do shnayim mikrah and my gemra to do day yomi. Im at a shiur now so gotta go.

-INH

GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Random question here but when is the Behab fast, anyone know? I would assume it starts next monday, no????

-INH

I THINK NEXT MONDAY

THE HEILIGER BARDICHEVER SAID

(REALLY NO JOKE PLEASE IF YOU ARE LITVISH CUT ME SOME SLACK HERE)

B-BIEGEL

H-HERRING

B-BILKE

Bardichev, whats "bilke"? dont worry no offense taken. everyone has their avodah "u'bilvad she'yachin libo lashomayim"

Mazel Tov, INH, on these precious days of  being clean! Kein yirbu for all of us! Nothing can take it away.

Instead of waiting for more trouble - and there is and will always be plenty out there for all of us - I can't help but share my two cents with you again, because I absolutely hate to see anyone suffer needlessly the way I did for so long. I want to do my part to make the load lighter for you, which is one of the 48 ways to get Torah (nosei b'ohl im chaveiro), after all!

Here goes:
For me, as long as I was going from day to day fending off those  temptations and just holding on and waiting for it to finally stop being a habit or just go away somehow, I never found peace. Maybe I got schar, but it never felt right inside. Besides, schar is none of my business. In fact, the days just added up to what felt like a long time clean for me, and then I'd make any one of the many different mistakes in thinking that addicts make when we are looking for some relief from life, and act out. Then I'd be furious and desperate, and/or get hyperreligious, say the Tikkun klali, go to the mikvah, cry, and still be completely nuts a day later...so?

The entire life of someone who has let go of lusting after something that they are lusting after and focused instead on asking Hashem to "Please fill in the gap for me!", is qualitatively totally different than the withering experience of the person who imagines that it is their sworn duty to "beat this thing and/or hold my breath until it goes away"! Perhaps they can't let go of this cyclical wall-banging due to guilt for/need to "make up" for many past failures, twisted ideas of Hashem as having it in for them, being convinced that they really cannot live w/o porn, masturbation, or that woman, or whatever...I had them all (and probably still do , more than I realize!).
Recovery is about the relief of really going with Hashem right now.
Yes, we all need chevra, chizzuk and will have hard times. We will all occasionally need a friend to kick our buttocks out of the gutter and back onto the right path. We may need internet filters or a wife checking our phone records, at times.
But the actual path of recovery that I am familiar with, is expressed in the steps. Read them fresh and literally. C'mon, we are all orthodox here, we know what literal means! Try it. The message is about doing something, rather than about not doing something. The trick is learning how to make recovery our main occupation, rather than just "a medicine". Not easy, but simple. The alternative for me was neither easy, nor simple, to be sure.
PS. Lunch today with Borchi nafshi (and a little K'dushas leivi) will include a Beigel, (matyas) Herring, and a Bilkeleh!!

Thank you DOv for that inspiring post. 2 things:

1) I still dont know what Bilkileh is!!!

2) The 12 steps sound like they are the end all be all for us to recover from our void left by this disgusting thing. I, however, have yet to find a good way to go through them. For me reading them through, even thoroughly just doesnt work. I really dont internalize it that way. I have suggested in the past and will make another bid to have somone give a shiur on it. I cant speak for everyone, but I wonder if we took a poll to see how many people would listen to a half hour shiur on the first step. For me that would do it becuase I love listening to shiurim and its easy for me to internalize it that way. I also think this would attract more people to the 12 steps. Some people have an problem with it because its not the torah way (whatever that means), but imagine we turn it into a "shiur"!

-INH

Ineedhelp!! wrote on 19 Oct 2009 18:09:


BILKKE =SMALL CHALLAH SOME SAY BULKIE

BASICALLY CHASSIDIM WOULD SAY THE SELICHOS BUT NOT FAST ON BH'B

THER ARE DIFFERENT MINHAGGIM

bardichev wrote on 19 Oct 2009 20:23:
Makes perfect sense to me - fasting makes me a nasty guy to be around, but selichos only make me confused and a bit humble. Ahhh, chassidus!

Ineedhelp!! wrote on 19 Oct 2009 18:24:
Please don't strangle (or starngle!) me, but:
The 12 steps are not read about, learned about, or darshened (except by some unfortunates, in my not-yet-humble-enough opinion). They are done, literally and simply. We don't need shiurim, we need to watch others do them more often. You witness a lot of that in healthy 12 step meetings.

Now, if you'd be a ger and just read the Torah, even the Shulchan Aruch, you'd still have a hard time getting yiddishkeit "right". Sort of like driving - from a manual. You'd need to meet practicing jews and see how it's really done. (Hopefully they'd be ehrlich and have a mesora and sechel, too!)
L'havdil, it's like that with the steps. The minhag of AAs was generally to do the steps in order and with a sponsor or at least another recovering AA who is ahead of you in the steps (and sober). It was generally to do it on paper and to share it with others.
The best "shiur" I know on how to do the 12 steps is reading AA and the 12&12 of AA for more detail, but when all is said and done, the only thing that will get us better seems to be actually just doing the steps - awkwardly and geekily, but simply.

I am about to say something that is very cliche, but i cant do SA meetings end of discussion. Now, that being sais the best way for me to learn the 12 steps with the options I have available is someone teaching it to me. Anyone have any better ideas?