May hashem help you in your battles
I don't know if you have heard this before but in my struggles at least the most important thing is not the porn its the things that bring me there.
My Ego , self righteousness righteousness , my pride etc. These are always constant things I need to deal with. They can easily push into the hole. For me its all about recognizing who I am my failings and issues. Afterwards recognizing that I can't control myself its Hashem who is in charge!
I than rectify my behavior and with his help .
Finally I throw myself into helping other people .
This is the path that is helping me now.
Kol tuv

Nat wrote on 25 Jan 2010 15:19:


Fitting that you mention this as I was planning to speak about this after coming to this realization over the past 2 days. If Lust addiction is the biggest challenge in my life, then the runners up are in line with what you mentioned. Since I have been putting up a good fight the Y'H has decided to use other methods, namely I have had some quarrels with my family and my ego, self righteousness caused me to lash out at them with my mouth. Although I thought I was right, because they were wrong  :-\ and they kept pushing my buttons. B'H i realized this and I'm going to work on it. I can see there are other links in the chain that have to be strengthened so I don't get to that place where I can fall.

On a side note, since I have been "guarding my eyes", the Y'H has been enticing me in my dreams, especially last night.

Chill, and have Ah Gooteh nacht, Esaeinai!

I get to agree with Dov!! ;D

Don't worry about the dreams - that's the yetzer hora's way of making you feel guilty. Just keep doing what you do, and if you want, learn a bit before you go to sleep.

We all have lots of reasons to get into arguments with others, and that can easily take us down a road we don't want to be near.

Keep on rocking!

On Day 20 and feeling good.

I touched on this before, but I need to say it again to reinforce it to myself. In the past I have made it 30 days or more. But I can't say that I felt so great about it. Why? Because I everything about my life felt like a struggle that was holding me down, and I didn't really feel like I was myself - I was trying to be someone else; this idea of a the person I wanted to be was off the mark - it was just not real. I know I have big challenges ahead, and I know there is going to be days that seem harder than others. But I am loosing that fear and the fear of falling because I am starting to be myself. I feel best not because I made it 19 days, (90 will still be worthy of celebration) but its not about the days, its about knocking down these walls I have built for myself and being the true me and being real with Hashem, accepting his help is part of that. I think I am seeing it this way because by trusting Hashem for his help where I am weak, I am no longer beating myself up about my flaws, which allows me to be me and build myself up with not just my strengths; but far greater - with the Strength of HKBH!

Am I just crazy? 

If you're here, you're crazy - no doubt about that! ;D

I think i hear you, though - perhaps not entirely, but I think I get your drift. Before, you were trying to stay the same person, but change your behavior - so every day was a new struggle, because you were the same person, with the same desires, and you didn't want to work on it, or really change, or give that up.

By opening up to hashem's help, and letting him into your life, you're accepting that the time has come to move on, and to change who you really are, so that the person being clean is the real you.

Well, if that's not what you were saying, I think I make sense anyway :D

EsaEinai wrote on 26 Jan 2010 23:30:

Yeah, yeah, you are crazy...but how does it feel so far? Not so bad, huh? If this is "crazy", I'll take it! Where's reb b? We need a l'chayim for a gift of 20 good days past!
Alei vehatzlach!!

silentbattle wrote on 27 Jan 2010 01:50:


Potatoes - Pa-tat-o's  From my perspective at least that is exactly what I am not saying. Before I was trying to be someone else, I was looking at my identity purely as a behavior. So I tried to focus on resisting the bad things and doing good things. I made it into too much of a struggle instead of being me, recognizing my weakness, asking for Hashems help, trusting him by letting go of the struggle within and ignoring the y'h - letting G-d deal with it for me. Now I am just getting out of the mud to reveal my true self. I don't need to change who I am; I'm a good guy and a good Yid who loves Hashem.

...and Hashem loves each one of us so much more than we can ever love Him, that we practically hate Him compared to how much He loves us.
Oy vei.
OK, let's declare a moratorium on thinking now and just Do. Do for Hashem simply and humbly! Yippee.
Oh, and Good Shabbos, Esaeinai!!

Whoops  ...you're very deep, and I'd like to understand you...

The real you is a yid who loves hashem - but first we have to get in touch with who the real us is! I know that for myself, I have to realize that the real me is the one that can rise above all the garbage, and that wants to just live a healthy life.

lol  too deep in my own head sometimes.. I like what you said, and sometimes I just need to follow Dov's above advice.

  :DGood plan!

Hey EE. Just caught up on your thread. Wow!! Thats about all i can say!! Seems like your doing awesome. Not justin how many days, but in your attitude. Keep it up. And like Dov said; crazy?? eh?? feels good, no?? This type of crazy ill take anyday of my life!

Keep on rollin bro and have a great shabbos!

Hey - have a great shabbos, and keep on rocking!

Good Shabbos to everyone!!!