I'm on day 17 now bh, thanks to everyone's feedback. Thank you. Some moments are difficult and if not for my work filters things could have been worse, showing me that  it's far from certain that if I'm faced with a real test that I would pass so  I have to keep on building my internal world in order to be ready so I'm going to read a bit of TBOTG now. Hatzlocho to everyone.

I'm barely on 19 days now but I came very close today to an actual fall. I've just reread BenHashemBh's post from 23rd July. I need to internalize it more. I'm  also going to do black box thinking, I seem to lose my clarity just from surfing very basic news! I want to change but this thing inside me wont disappear and I have no way to channel it directly. Thank you again for everyone's support that's keeping me going/trying.
Hatzlocho to everyone out there, and hoping to share better news.