I've fallen 3 days in a row after 65 clean days because I can get access to google maps on someone else's device. I'm sorry for letting down my family and everyone here. 
I'm trying to understand why somewhere along the line on the way to a fall, my mind gets convinced even without any physical urges that this is something I have no control over and that I have to give in to. At the same time I know this isn't true. What is going on with me?
Hope to share good news with everyone tomorrow and wish everyone Hatzlocho but I don't know how this is going to change at the moment.

How are you celebrating 65 clean days?

I bought myself an ice cream on day 60. I'm pleased to report that I've kept 1 clean day. 
Thank you to every one at GYE for all the tools to move forward.
Is there something specific that I should do now?
I don't think I can secure my home base any better than it is now.
I'm thinking of how to build myself internally?

pomegranate wrote on 15 May 2025 05:39:

Great that you celebrated your 65 days - it is an important part of breaking free. Regarding your comments - there is no need to apologize to the chevra here for "letting us down". That thought process is not healthy or helpful in breaking free. The oilam here is non-judgmental, and is here to cheer you on, give chizuk and constructive advice, and to understand you when it is rough. We are as imperfect as you are and faced and still face many of the challenges you do. Going forward you are not the same person as when you started. You are a fellow who knows you can do it and have 65 unerasable days to prove it. Regarding getting into the mindset that this is impossible and "i am definitely going to fall", reach out to some of the guys here by phone or in person and they will b'ezras Hashem guide you away from that mentality. Hatzlocha buddy. You are much better off and out of the mess than you realize.

Thank you, I'll try to remember your points and call someone at the right time.