I realize that I haven't been masturbating for very long and I'm looking for any excuse to do it. My brain, my yetser or whatever makes me believe that I absolutely must do it, it's a matter of life and death, I must do it. Sometimes it's because of a setback in my life, I'm angry and so I have to relax, sometimes it's because everything's going well and I've got nothing to do so I have to get busy, sometimes it's just because I've got too much to do and so I couldn't manage to do it all so I might as well. Anyway, I don't know if you feel the same way but it's horrible, when I'm faced with a problem I feel like it's an easy solution when masturbating won't do anything but make me feel guilty on top of everything else. In fact I think that the fight against the yetser is a permanent fight and sometimes having to manage both the fight and the problem or both the problem and a busy schedule is complicated and so I think it's a solution not to take masturbating off the table. But it's wrong אדם לעמל יולד it's complicated but it's the rules of the game. I think that I need to learn to see the world as a game little time to do the maximum respecting all the rules, it's complicated yes but that's what makes the game interesting

Getting to the point where masturbation is barely a second thought when life hits us is totally possible. 

Keep strong!!
One Day At A Time!!