Day 2 ב"ה.
Feeling cautiously hopeful that I'm getting back on track. Reminding myself that turning towards acting out truly makes things worse and not better. I need to find the off switch. Kind of grasping in the dark. The כח of שכל can overcome תאוה and the פיתויים of the יצר in general. The שכל recognizes not just truth, but the significance of the truth, how what's right and good is something that should be done, with the תקיפות to overcome the other צד.
But lately I feel my שכל has grown weak. Knowing what's right in all areas is not nearly the כח that it should be and that it has been in the past. My experience has been that p* and m* is tremendously destructive to the תקיפות of the שכל. But staying away from these nasty things is not a חיזוק it's just avoiding קילקול. I don't know of another חיזוק other than learning בעמילות. So I think I need to have more of a focus on עיון, to be מחזק my שכל so that knowing what's right and wrong matters more to me, so I won't be like a man wandering in the dark without a light.
