simchastorah wrote on 08 Feb 2025 19:43:
Something I've really been struggling with is using the computer destructively. I've written about this a bit in the past. I am so addicted to the computer. I check the news, email and gye first thing in the morning (sometimes while in the middle of saying brachos lately...). Throughout the day I check the news millions of times, just hitting refresh again and again, going from site to site, just trapped in a cycle of inertia. I see this as nothing less than another expression of addiction. It is intrinsically less damaging then the addictions we come here for, but I feel that it has an absolutely terrible effect on my life. It causes me to waste tremendous amounts of time that I could be learning, spending time with my family, doing things that I really really need to be doing, or working.
But again and again I find myself just stuck in front of the computer for no good reason. I saw someone post about having struggled with this in the past, I believe it was PYM. So I know I'm not alone in this.
I want to try and rid myself of this behavior (once again). I can't give up on this. Time is too precious.
I want to try and use the forum to break free from this addiction. I will be'h be posting here daily about my progress breaking free from this other thing as well. I am so fed up and in so much pain about this. I feel like such a slave and know deeply that acting passively on the computer is such a terrible terrible thing. If you don't agree with me, feel free to continue using the computer however you see fit. But after 5 years of having to be on the computer and seeing again and again what a terrible effect going on the news, entertainment and just brainless clicking has on me, my mind is fully made up that it's terrible. (Lets say an av hatuma, we need to leave titles for the real shmutz)
Thinking about cleaning up my act in this area is actual really scary. I lean on the computer as a crutch to help me deal with feelings of great unease. Apparently in the program addiction is called "the disease of dis-ease." I feel that that description fits me like a glove. I am constantly running to different things to help me with my deep disease. Throughout my life I have been addicted at various times to p and m, to drugs of different types, to smoking, to vaping, to books, to audiobooks, and to just general 'clicking around on the computer.'
So it's scary. How will I manage? What will I do when I'm learning and I'm suddenly seized by a fit of anxiety? I don't know. But it can't be going on the news anymore. Or going on youtube. Or going on linkedin (which stinks anyways). Or even going on gye. Because as great as gye truly is, acting like an addict on gye is damaging too.
So my goal is
No: news, youtube, social media, forums (other than gye)
Limitted: gye. I will allow some clicking around on gye, and if am actively chatting with someone or reading a post or writing a post I won't put a time limit on it. I need to come up with a time limit for clicking around on gye, im thinking 20 minutes a day
Lastly, if I find myself clicking around aimlessly, to stop as soon as I realize it.
If you relate to what I'm talking about, I'd love to hear from you. If you don't relate or disagree with what I'm talking about, I'd love to not hear from you. If you think I should go to a therapist, you may be right, but I have gone to many in my life and am not interested at the moment in starting that process over. It will take a number of sessions with a new therapist for them to realize that yes I know I'm insecure, I have a good idea where it comes from, I know that the reality within which my insecurities were developed are no longer applicable, now lets see whether you as a person can help me, and there's a good chance they can't. So נמאס לי. What can I say.
Anyway: Day 2.
Simchas Torah, your self awareness and ability to express yourself so clearly, inspires me time and time again. One of the first threads I look for when I open up GYE is this one. There’s so much wisdom and self introspection that I walk away from it inspired every time. Having said that, your most recent observation resonated very deep with me. BH over the past year and a half, I have been Zoche with the help of Hashem and His holy messengers on this site, to clean up my lusting act. Sure, there are bumps in the road, every now and then the YH rears his ugly head, and I always have to remain vigilant and not grow complacent, but for the most part, it’s under control.
However, and this is a big however, the issue you raised is a big issue that I still struggle with. There are better times and worse, but I still struggle with checking the news, and sports. Often, like you describe, I can check the news multiple times an hour, especially when it’s Bein Hazemanim. Trump isn’t making things easier for me either. My attachment to sports is usually somewhat under control, but it flares up around big events (world series, superbowl etc.). What kills me the most, is that I had gone approximately 18 years without and involvement in sports, and now I’m having trouble kicking the habit completely.
I recently attended an Oneg Shabbos Fri. night with a group of Chaveirim. There was a round table discussion about how we can improve in decreasing our relience on technology. One of the Ballei Battim of the Shul got up and said that 2 and a half years ago, he made a קבלה for the עשי"ת only, to refrain from checking news and sports, only sites that he needed to go on to for his business. It’s now 2 and a half years later, and he hasn’t broken his קבלה. He went on to describe how much better and richer his life had become since then. I was blown away by his ability to maintain a קבלה of that magnitude. I was seriously jealous, and I resolved that I got to make a short term קבלה and I’ll hopefully be able to maintain. When I shared it with my Rav, he told me that although what this individual did was admirable and is worthy of tremendous respect, it might not be for everyone. He recommended checking the news once a day on a frum website for a limited time. One thing it helped was that I was planning on listening to the Superbowl when I was in the car (I still can’t bring myself to watch it) to and from Night Seder, which I didn’t do. I only found out the score the next day.
The way I see it. This a far more insidious and subtle problem than lust. While lust is perhaps far worse in terms of an עבירה, mindless time wasting online robs me of the ability to fully live in the moment, and fully be present in the important things that I do in life. Also, with lust, we know that were dealing with an ugly monster and we know it’s wrong. No one will justify what he’s doing by saying it’d okay to indulge in it. But killing time online can be rationalized by saying, it’s not so bad, what I’m doing isn’t אסור outright, but the effect it has on me is hampering my ability to stay zoned in and focused on the task I’m meant to be doing. My Davening isn’t where it should be, same for my learning. The more mindless browsing I do, the more it instills a certain listlessness in me. I think that there’s a direct connection between the two. Additionally, I would like to reserve the מדה of curiosity, for things that it was meant to be used for. So I think I’ll be hopping on to your bandwagon and attempt yet another קבלח בל"נ (I’ve done similar things before, with limited success) to try to check the news on YWN only once a day for no longer then 10 minutes. I will try to keep it going at least until ר"ח אדר and if it’s going well, then I’ll try to extend it. Thank you so much for being the inspiration and giving me the kick in the pants to do this.
