However much i try to filter my access to necessary technology, I keep 'stumbling' across more and more ways to access inappropriate content. recently on WhatsApp, I found a way to access unlimited unfiltered content (which I will NOT reveal, to all the people on here looking for it), and I am ready to completely give up. i don't even know what giving up means, but I want to do it.

every day hurts, each day is miles worse than the last, and everyone on here (my only community) for some reason can only say over cheesy and ineffective messages like 'You can do it', and 'I can relate'. You can't. 

I can't do it, i never could, and my life is being ruined by this. How will therapy help? i have no money, and I'm terrified of talking to someone.

I know there are adults and teenagers who have somehow done miraculous things, and i thnk you're all lying, because i cant go more than a day or two. It just makes me feel worse see 18 year olds with 200 day streaks. 

I don't want this to be the end for me regarding my journey. I need joy in my life, and even if the rest of my life is going great, The constant thoughts/guilt about the thoughts turns everything horrible.

Someone, please help. As many people, I just need to feel part of something bigger, like I'm not alone. Nothing cheesy please.

healthyjew613 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 03:55:

You are definitely not alone.  You don’t have to worry about anyone else’s streaks. You only have to be concerned about doing the best that you can do. Each of us has our unique set of challenges within this general area.  Many of us have felt that we can’t do it. Many of us have given up at times.  Ultimately  it is important to recognize that the struggle is not necessarily about the immediate results.  Our job is to keep pushing forward even if we don’t see success.  If you are honestly doing what you can to grow in this area then you should focus on the times you do succeed even if they are very few.  The more you focus on the positive the better you will feel about yourself. This will in turn give you more backbone to resist the temptations that come your way.  Reading the battle of the generation every day. may help with this perspective.  

I know I'm not supposed to tell you that I relate to your struggles, but I'm gonna say it anyways. I relate to your struggles. However I'm gonna add that not only do I relate to your struggles in general and feel your pain, I specifically relate to everything you wrote in your post about feeling alone and not quite understanding how some guys seem so happy on here and have these massive streaks. I had a gye account for quite a while and I would come here every so often read around and just leave even more confused then when I had come.

Something that helped me a ton was reaching out to guys. Probably the most effective way of doing this is by phone, however you might not be ready for that. Something similar you can do is by reaching out to guys through private messages. Read through some posts and find someone who you feel you can connect with. Message them asking them if they can help you. Eventually you can build up a relationship with them and maybe even build up the courage for a phone call. Feeling connected with people was what really had the power to push me to really break free. I felt like there were people out there who understood me, and who cared about me. This had the power to give me a drive to try harder and smarter when other motivation tools couldn't do the job.

Although you sound like you're close to giving up you haven't yet. I'm pretty sure that I actually gave up, which to me meant that although most people when faced with an urge put in somewhat of a fight almost subconsciously, once you give up you turn off your whole system and don't even fight. There's no more struggle it's just everything is mutar. I took off my filter and did whatever I wanted for about 6 months. I still made it out. If you haven't given up yet you're certainly in a better place than I was. If I could do it, so can you.

If you want to know how I managed to break out of that pit... the main tool I used (and still use) is the battle of the generation book. I can't guarantee it'll work for everyone but if it's definitely worth a shot! The main idea of the book is to change your mindset in how you look and deal with struggles. Very positive and exciting type of mindset. Check it out!

Hatzlacha Meruba

You don’t want anything cheesy. So here is something not cheesy perhaps a cup of cold water for you instead. Life sucks then you die. Stop comparing yourself to others it’s an exercise in futility. You aren’t so special that no one relates to your particular struggle. You think you’re a DIY guy looking for a bit of chizzuk then here you go Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get with the program.  Have a wonderful day

foolie wrote on 20 Nov 2023 15:46:

Although I cannot say I personally would have responded this way, I've got to say, this grumpy bark of tough love made me laugh, (sorry healthyjew! please see my certainly more cheesy pm), I feel like I just got my own (much needed) dose of "Imus in the Morning."

healthyjew613 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 03:55:

Hello healthyjew613,

I can relate to your cheese intolerance.
I get your feelings of loneliness in this area.
I understand you think you're the only one dealing with it (at least to this extent).
I can relate to the way you accuse others of lying just because you can't do what they purport to do. However, that's a whole 'nother level of Naarishkeit.
I'll echo what Foolie said, "Stop comparing yourself to others it’s an exercise in futility."

As for your grand idea of giving up; been there, done that. Many times.
I see it as an integral part of the process that brought me to where I stand now (which is a pretty decent place). I have no idea what the future holds. Will I give up again (this time for real)? Maybe. I'm not scared of that idea.

All I can tell you is, enjoy the journey and bon voyage.

Hi, i'm just trying to undrstand what you mean by " i just need to feel part of something bigger, like i
'm not alone", it seems to me that your looking for validation, and thats what the oilam here does very well by saying "i feel your pain".
​Right now it is very difficult for you (and anyone that was ever in your situation, and there have been thousands.....) to see the end of the tunnel cuz we are stuck in a rut, and it is extremely daunting " no more p&m ever?!?" etc. you have to understand that right now your thinking process is muddled cuz of your guilt and frustration. You dont have to see the end of the tunnel, you have to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and i think thats part of what goes on here. 

I feel your pain.....

Good luck!!! 

Maybe I'm reading your situation wrong, and if I am, I am sorry, but here are my thoughts:
Filters are definitely useful and important, but they cannot replace a basic decision to stop watching porn. I know for myself that until that decision was made, I would just keep on finding more and more loopholes that sucked me in. 
Listen, I'm not saying that the decision is easy, or that you can't fall after making a decision. Mark Twain once said: "Stopping smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I should know, I've done it thousands of times." 
My point is that once you have made a decision to stop, the situation can transform from falling through a black hole to a very uphill war, where sometimes you win some battles and often lose. 
With regard to your point of feeling a part of something bigger, it is possible that you are feeling that because you think that feeling a part of yourself is too small and reductive. There's a famous idea called the leap of faith - where a person kind of admits that he has no agency on his own and gives himself over to the 'mind behind the universe'. (I chose not to use the word Hashem, even though that is what I mean, because I think that it is necessary to speak of Hashem in a different way than usual, because obviously your current way of relating to Hashem does not make you feel like a part of something bigger, and in truth, it should.) Paradoxically, recognizing our smallness for real makes us feel like a part of something unimaginably big. 
I feel a little hypocritical saying these thoughts, because I have definitely not fully achieved the points that I have written, but the little footholds that I have reached are breathtaking in themselves, and your message really touched my heart, so I couldn't not respond. I really hope that I'll see you posting a 1000 day streak five or ten years from now.
Good luck

healthyjew613 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 03:55:

I'm more than double 18, no streak at all, been on GYE over 9 years.
Hang in there.

@healthyjew613



Avoid the triggers that make you want to fall.



Replace them with things that make you feel good about yourself.



Don't stress about filters - they can help, but as you have written, are not the 100% answer.

ColinColin wrote on 07 Dec 2023 14:43:

Sorry but I think you missed him. He's long back in his cave.