iyh2023 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 19:41:

Oh yeah! I had these thoughts a lot, and let me tell you friend, Its totally normal to have them, you are not socially off at all.

So just a few points
- You may indeed not deserve them but you are a beloved child of hashem and just like any caring father gives everything he has for his child, so does hashem, nothing you do can take away his love to you.
- Perhaps harness this thought as a tool to get closer to him, imagine any human being giving you what heshem gives you, you would be ever so grateful to him and seek opportunities to repay him.
I understand that you feel that you don't deserve them and therefore cant enjoy them, its called נהמא דכיסופא, but hashem gives you so many opportunities to work on deserving these good things so utilize them and with the time you will feel that you do deserve them.
- And at last, I may very well be that you do deserve it already but you just don't realize the greatness of what you are doing. Refusing to give in, Not taking a second look, Being on GYE in order to change....... are all extraordinary thing you already do and therefore deserve much more than you think.
Keep climbing!

Thank you @True_self for your deep words, you always seem to chap an eisek.... 

​Positive thoughts = Good vibes       Good vibes = Clear mind       Clear mind = Rational decisions       Rational decisions = Happy heart
Simple math 1+1=11....    

So the past few days saw little to minor temptations, and i am a bit confused about that. How is it that this tsunami wave of an urge suddenly appears? The events leading up to that point where not all that triggering or complicated.     
I find that for me it usually goes something like this:

ME: I'm bored....
THE OTHER ME: Why dont you look at something kosher?
ME: Thats a good idea!
ME: *Browse around for some time then get bored again*
TOM: *Tip toes in from the back door and whispers* why dont you check out the news?
ME: *Against my better judgment listen to him and check out the news*
ME: I really shouldnt do this, but i'm bored and its only news...
ME: HEY TOM, YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU WHERE HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!?
TOM: Shhhh, you see that add? Just click
ME: What where why?!?
TOM: Shhh, just click
 ME: *And click i do...*
ME: Hmmm, its not that bad its only an add and she is not totally .....
ME: TOM, WHAT THE <<<< ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?!?
TOM: Shhh, calm down its not that bad
*Tom then pushes the shut down button on my forehead and i'm not in control of my self any more (thats what it feels like at least...)

The challenge for me, is not to let Tom into the room in the first place. I must see where a situation can lead to before it gets complicated. I must be wise and equipped, and not let my guard down. Its the song of my life, and i gotta learn how to sing it well!! 

"Only dead fish swim with the current"

Peace and love!!     

iyh2023 wrote on 22 Nov 2023 17:30:

This is what chazal tell us "אין אדם עובר עבירה אא"כ נכנס בו רוח שטות", once that רוח שטות is in you he takes away your bechirah, the trick is to not let down the guard down in the first place so that the רוח שטות can't get in.
Work on a strategy how to keep it out.

iyh2023 wrote on 15 Nov 2023 19:52:

JFK?! I always thought that quote was from Timon from Lion King. Or maybe I’m mixing it up with “Hakunah  Matatah”…

In any case, keep on forging ahead, iyh…your writings are encouraging and helpful for all of us!

youknowwho

Shhh Don’t you know JFK is Timon in disguise and RFK is Pumbaa. Oh and Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis are packing bags in Walmart in Montana, and Joe Biden is coming to a Mikva near you real soon. His visit will be sponsored by the number 7 and the letter Q

youknowwho wrote on 24 Nov 2023 04:31:


You are actually right, i checked it up and its attributed to Knute Rockne and JFKs father, Joseph P.Kennedy, close enough....
Whatever the case i have been being tough, and i daven that i can continue being tough!!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."        ― Winston Churchill.

Good Shabbos all!!! 

iyh2023 wrote on 20 Nov 2023 19:41:

Hey, how are you doing? Rooting for you.

Some of my personal thoughts in response to your question above.
Hashem believes in who we can become, and he invests in us. He bentches us, as children, with all sorts of Bracha, and then calls on us to grow and learn to use those Brachos in His service. The same applies, I think, for those of us who are still a work in progress.
Also, I'm sure there are many wonderful aspects in your life that make you worthy of tremendous Bracha. Your challenges here don't necessarily define you. That doesn't mean that serious deficiencies don't need to be addressed. It means that they don't define the totality of who you are. I think a person has to view himself, in the eyes of Hashem, as worthy of Bracha and a good investment. Of course, all of the Brachos that Hashem gives us are a motivation to do what we can to fix our act up...
You'll get there, and help other people, and become a great person, and understand what Hashem sees in you!

Keep Trucking!!

Chaim

Hello everyone, happy Sunday!!
Thank you R' chaimoigen for your words of encouragement, very inspiring. 

Sometimes when we think about this struggle and realize how large and complex it is, we can get scared and feel weak and little, cuz its so daunting. But if you look in Rashi in the end of Parshas לך לך he says on the pasuk "בהמולו את בשר ערלתו", that Avraham took a knife but was SCARED, so Hashem held the knife with him. Dont feel small cuz youre scared, Avraham Avenu heard from Hashem him self to do a bris and was still scared, dont melt!!! Great men are allowed to be scared!!! Hashem is holding your hand!!!

Have fun!!!      

chaimoigen wrote on 26 Nov 2023 16:30:

There is the madreige of Yaakov avinu of saying קטונתי, but for most of us it won't encourage us. perhaps it's just fine for a few minutes before going to sleep.

So I just wrote up a whole long monologue, it took me all morning with plenty of breaks (interruptions:rage:), i hit SUBMIT and poof it was gone....
oh well thats life, i dont have the energy to retype it so please excuse me.

Be strong, Be brave, and Be well!!

iyh2023 wrote on 28 Nov 2023 18:51:

That’s a be nisayon of anger, have had that many times until I learnt to highlight the text and click ctrl+c before hitting submit if I took a break.

Sadly it has cost me a few nice posts until I learnt on the job, but that life.

KUYGW!

Leaving the office now, was just wondering why some days are so hard and some days are so easy, i cant seem to figure him (me) out, if you can please help me understand me!!

So long felas its been a day!!!

See you all tomorrow Bez'h!

true_self wrote on 28 Nov 2023 21:46:

So its an issue with the system?

iyh2023 wrote on 28 Nov 2023 21:50:

Yes boy! No need to feel guilty.