Reading through the beginning of the battle of the generation book I had a thought and was wondering what the oilam has to say abt it.

The author describes how a person is built in with a tremendous drive to feel special and good about himself. Being able to control oneself in the face of desire is a tremendous accomplishment and can be incredibly fulfilling for this natural drive that a person has. This is all as opposed to filling this drive with physical pleasure that leaves us feeling empty instead of feeling fulfilled.

It seems that understanding the amazing accomplishment of resisting giving in to an urge is an important step to internalize. I then stopped to think a minute. What do I consider to be an accomplishment in life? My personal (loose description over here) of an accomplished person is a talmid chochom, a rov, a rebbi, a rosh yeshiva, a magid shiur (menahelim as well shoutout to...) I consider these people to be accomplished for their accomplishments in Torah. I realized that the sole reason why I am machvis this as an accomplishment is because I actively see the accomplishments of these people in Torah. I hear their shiurim, and learn their seforim and so I see their accomplishments and I am machshiv them for it. I think the same applies to every area in life, that we are machshiv people for their accomplishments that we see front of us, be it millionaires, sports players, and all the anashim michubadim around.

So it seems that each and every person has some area in life that they recognize to be an accomplishment, and they know of people who they consider accomplished in that area. A persons recognition can create two things. It can create jealousy which when used properly can drive them to make similar accomplishments. It can also create something which I think can be very powerful in that when a person has some sort of success in this area, they will feel a sense of an accomplishment, and they will feel good about it. This is all true in an area that you consider to be a true accomplishment, but in other areas you will feel no jealousy and no feeling of accomplishment.

When it comes to fighting the fight against the YH and his crew, although the accomplishments may be way greater than almost any other accomplishment in life, it is almost impossible to grow up with the recognition of the accomplishment. Nobody gets Shlishi because they are tremendous giborim against their YH, and no one in the outside world gets any kavod or recognition for their accomplishments in this area. Through GYE however both from reading on the forum, and speaking on the phone with a number of awesome people, I'm slowly (very slowly) starting to feel a sense of amazement and chashivus for the gevura that some of you guys have. To me this seems like such a basic step on the way to recovery in order to feel both a sense of jealousy to create a drive to accomplish, and also to feel good about each and every small accomplishment along the way.

iwannalivereal wrote on 05 Oct 2023 16:37:

Great observations.  Keep reading the book it will help you internalize these perspectives.

For sure! Wish they talked about it in yeshiva....

Great people only become that way through hard work, and overcoming obstacles.

I don’t know about getting Shlishi, but we sense the work involved to become the men we respect and look up to.

I look up to a guy who is a big Masmid who achieved that goal by overcoming the part of him that often doesn’t feel like learning. Same with the fellow I respect because he’s ALWAYS on time to davening and davens like a mentch, even the morning after his daughter’s Chasuna. 

The person who never loses his temper, and controls what he says, and the man who doesn’t speak Lashon Hora, or the fellow who always tells the truth and doesn't exaggerate- these are highly respected and cherished by everyone who comes to speak with them and confide in the comfort of their goodness. We sense the hard work it took for them to become that way, and want to bask in the glow that reflects off of them. 

There are many arenas in which to battle the Yetzer Hora. Some battles are more and some less apparent. But when you are looking for it, you can see the special shine on these Giborim.

And it’s true for people who aspire to Kedusha, too. We can’t know the exact nature of the struggles they overcome, but we often, somehow, know who we respect. They have that special something, we sense that they have worked hard to be full of Kedusha. 

And it’s enough, for me, to arouse a yearning, striving, and maybe a Kinna to aspire to make something of myself, too.
Only this and nothing more. 

chaimoigen wrote on 13 Oct 2023 05:28:

As usual a Chaimoigen MASTERPIECE!!