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Improper Desire
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Improper Desire 1215 Views

Re: Improper Desire 18 Dec 2022 07:58 #389598

  • bt2001
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A small thought relating to this thread: why is the kelipah so enticing? Why do I think and care so much about finding a girlfriend, when there are far better ways to spend my time?

Re: Improper Desire 22 Dec 2022 15:12 #389901

  • davidt
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BT2001 wrote on 18 Dec 2022 07:58:
A small thought relating to this thread: why is the kelipah so enticing? Why do I think and care so much about finding a girlfriend, when there are far better ways to spend my time?

This struggle is a struggle with the deepest human emotions. And therefore, fixing these emotions fixes a person deeper than anything else. That's why the Zohar calls this Yesod. Hashem is not just telling us not to be dirty. Rather, he is telling us to build ourselves with the things we don’t do. The foundation of a building is underground and no one sees it, but it holds up the entire building. Shemiras Habris is the hidden part of a Jew, it's the real you. And if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.

By working on these areas, we ultimately learn to give over our entire heart to Hashem, as the Pasuk says “Bechol Levavcha – with all your heart.” And Chazal say “Bishnei Yitzrecha – with both your inclinations.”

And not only are we fixing ourselves deeply through this struggle, we are also fixing the world. Every generation has its tests, and this is likely the test of our generation. There has never been a time in history where promiscuity and licentiousness filled the world in every corner, to the degree that it does in our time. In the generation before Moshiach’s time, we are cleaning out the filth from the very bottom of the barrel. We are doing the final work before the great days that are to come.

Only great souls with immense potential were given this difficult job. So if Hashem gave us this struggle, it means he trusted us with a great mission. This alone should bring us joy and motivation to substantiate His trust. And of course, if we succeed, we will be in the front lines to greet Moshiach!

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Improper Desire 30 Dec 2022 05:19 #390319

  • bt2001
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DavidT wrote on 22 Dec 2022 15:12:
if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.


Perhaps in my original post I didn't quite mean reprimand, but could someone please explain to me seriously and deeply what exactly is so wrong about modern sexual attitudes. I grew up around this filth and have become pretty numb/accustomed to it.
Last Edit: 30 Dec 2022 05:21 by bt2001.

Re: Improper Desire 30 Dec 2022 13:15 #390327

BT2001 wrote on 30 Dec 2022 05:19:

DavidT wrote on 22 Dec 2022 15:12:
if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.



Perhaps in my original post I didn't quite mean reprimand, but could someone please explain to me seriously and deeply what exactly is so wrong about modern sexual attitudes. I grew up around this filth and have become pretty numb/accustomed to it.

I think the essence of the issue is that secular society sees the goal of sexuality to be a taker, whereas in our tradition it is to create a bond and to be a giver. 
Hi, my name is ILH and I’m grateful for having to focus just on today. 
Easy does it... I don't need to be perfect. 
If you figured out my identity, don't be shy, come say hi! 
It takes tons of courage to fight the good fight, but we don't have to do it all alone. 
My Story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/385922-My-Story-Being-Honest-For-Once

Re: Improper Desire 30 Dec 2022 14:18 #390331

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BT2001 wrote on 30 Dec 2022 05:19:

DavidT wrote on 22 Dec 2022 15:12:
if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.



Perhaps in my original post I didn't quite mean reprimand, but could someone please explain to me seriously and deeply what exactly is so wrong about modern sexual attitudes. I grew up around this filth and have become pretty numb/accustomed to it.

Reb Elya Lopian zt״l was once trying to persuade a talmid to make a detour to avoid an area notoriously lacking in modesty. The confident talmid then proceeded to make it clear that he wasn’t affected by such issues. Reb Elya’s response was to ask him for his mother’s name, saying that he would daven for him as he would for a sick person.

This yeitzer hora was created for a purpose and is present in every healthy person.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Improper Desire 30 Dec 2022 15:05 #390333

  • 5Uu80*cdwB#^
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BT2001 wrote on 30 Dec 2022 05:19:

DavidT wrote on 22 Dec 2022 15:12:
if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.



Perhaps in my original post I didn't quite mean reprimand, but could someone please explain to me seriously and deeply what exactly is so wrong about modern sexual attitudes. I grew up around this filth and have become pretty numb/accustomed to it.

What's wrong with modern sexual attitudes: It's exploitative, selfish, hedonistic, demeaning, makes human beings into nothing more than objects for pleasure, etc etc etc.
One doesn't even need Torah to realize how wrong it is if you think about it deeply for a couple minutes.
If you are wondering why you can't stop masturbating even though you're guarding your eyes, it's because you're fantasizing.

Re: Improper Desire 30 Dec 2022 18:08 #390340

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BT2001 wrote on 30 Dec 2022 05:19:

DavidT wrote on 22 Dec 2022 15:12:
if the foundation of a Jew is weak, his whole spiritual structure is fragile and in grave danger of collapse.

Perhaps in my original post I didn't quite mean reprimand, but could someone please explain to me seriously and deeply what exactly is so wrong about modern sexual attitudes. I grew up around this filth and have become pretty numb/accustomed to it.

The accepting of all types and stripes is not the problem. Rather, their belief that we can act on our feelings/desires, no matter the cost, (for each person its different) is the problem. Since I am Jewish, I can't use my feelings to go against the torah. For someone that is not religious, the same applies. As an example. Just because you feel like a girl, that doesn't mean you can come into my bathroom if I'm uncomfortable, that's against my safety and frankly against my rights.  Just because someone desires SSA, it doesn't mean, I cant say unequivocally, "i will not help you in your sinful actions, even though you feel that way" (like the example of the Colorado woman who was sued for not suppling 2 SSA guys with a wedding cake.) Even though you feel that way, its against my religious rights.     

In other words, the premise that we should accept all people as the same, regardless of their feelings/desires [including sexual desires] i think is great and not a problem at all.     

The problem with modern sexual attitudes is the belief, that when a decision has to be made between respecting truth/beliefs or desire/feelings, that desires/feelings are always more important then truths and beliefs. To the extent, that modern progressivism ignores the truth in situations that hurt people, in order to listen to feelings. An example of this is trans woman playing sports with real woman. Since it is not true that a trans woman is really a woman, (s) he is then taking advantage of real woman in a painful way. Real woman spend years practicing for track, sport, swimming etc, only to learn that they lost everything, because they are no longer remotely the best, since a man who feels like a woman, who has higher level of muscle and testosterone, is putting them out of the limelight.  Another example is gender affirming surgery, which is pure child abuse in a sick way, excused, because "hay that's the way they feel". What happens when this teen grows a little older and realizes he/she made a teenage mistake, which we all do, because teenage mistakes are expected? The now mature adult is deformed for life now, because some politician said her feelings matter more then her life itself. Its dumb, ridiculous, and sick. Poor teens that make that decision. Imagine being a 22 yr old, and realizing that a decision you made when you were 16, has now ruined your life for good.   No wonder the highest rate of suicide amongst any group in the US are people that have transformed.

And the same issue plays out when there is desire vs belief. We have the same issue here. Yes, all desires should be able to be shared without judgment, without being called sick with a "disease" (which is a factual lie, disease in the mental illness field is just a cluster of symptoms and not an actual disease) and with acceptance of the person as a regular human being just like me and you.  But, does that mean someone should act on their feelings which goes against their beliefs? We believe no. They believe yes. I'm a religious Jew, I'm not allowed to be in the same bathroom as females. I can sympathize with your gender dysphoria, but you can't decide that I have to do your bidding, and consider you a woman and allow you into a men's restroom if that goes against my religion. I can sympathize with your SSA desires, but you cant tell me, "you must cater my SSA wedding" if it goes against my religious beliefs. 

To sum it up. Feelings matter. Matter hugely. We must accept everyone as one of us, regardless of feelings. But only feelings matter? At expense of beliefs, religious rights, child rights and human rights? Nope. And very very nope. I can desire SSA, but I cant act on it. And that's because my religion says I can't. The modern sexual attitude disagrees. And unfortunately, no matter the catastrophic hurt, abuse, neglect, damage destruction and devastation caused here in America by those who advocate the modern sexual attitude, those same people just push forward, destroying, hurting and ultimately abusing humanity.
I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment. 
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions. 

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain. 

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.
Last Edit: 30 Dec 2022 18:33 by human being.
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