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This time will be better

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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

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TOPIC: This time will be better 14632 Views

Re: This time will be better 28 Jan 2022 16:35 #376607

davidt
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The Four Primary Laws of Looking at and Thinking about Women
Below is a summary of relevant rulings. Familiarize yourself with these laws, and you will have a ready and practical guide to live by: (Shulchan Aruch Even HaEzer, Chapter 21, Law 1)

(1) It is forbidden to look at a woman if she is dressed immodestly. (There are different laws regarding one's wife.)
(2) a. If you know of an area where immodestly dressed women are present, it is forbidden to enter this area. An alternative route must be taken.
b. If there is no alternative route, or the alternative route is impractical or costly, you are permitted to pass through the area providing you make every reasonable effort to avoid seeing the immodest sights.
(3) It is forbidden to have thoughts of desire for any woman. (There are different laws regarding one's wife.)
(4) It is forbidden to derive pleasure from looking at the beauty of a woman, even if she is modestly dressed. (There are different laws regarding one's wife.)

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 28 Jan 2022 17:35 #376611

trouble
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joetyh wrote on 27 Jan 2022 22:14:

I was just by a question and answer session and someone asked the following question... "Everyone knows the good strawberry shortcake is always on the women side by the kiddush, is it a problem to walk in and grab a slice and walk out to enjoy it?" The Rabbi (he is not my Rebbi I was just going to hear what he says) was being very general the whole time but he said to this that it is absolutely not allowed. I've been taught here on GYE (unless I'm warping the theory) that if you train yourself not to sexualize women/girls there shouldn't be a problem walking in to grab a slice of cake (assuming it is accepted in that crowd, try doing that in a real chassidishe place you'll lose your head) as long as you're not sitting down with a girl to eat it.... am I wrong? am I missing something?

it wasnt just this question... his whole theory was based off assur assur assur....

I would appreciate thoughts or comments or even criticism on my train of thought....

you have been warping something, but good for you for going to such a shiur and for asking here. gye does not change, modify, add to or subtract from halachah. gye (i think) speaks to the mindset of people, and what would be beneficial to do or not to do in certain situations. gye cannot say that it is permitted to go on the other side of the mechitzah to get that piece of strawberry short cake (which, by the way, similar to that good looking woman you dream about, will not be as tasty as you initially thought); what they could say is that seeing women dressed up (or down) should not affect you if you are working a productive program.

on the downside, there are no fresh strawberries here in nauru; as a matter of fact, no fruits or vegetables grow here on account of the poor soil; everything needs to be canned, refined or imported.

i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: This time will be better 29 Jan 2022 18:07 #376614

joetyh Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 182 Karma: 20	DAY 12!!!!!
	feel free to contact me with chizzuk or to stam shmuz @ joestyh@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 30 Jan 2022 11:32 #376635

joetyh Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 182 Karma: 20	Hayom Yom 13!!!! tomorrow will be the 2 week mark that i have only hit once or twice like 2 years ago.... but we aint stoppin there!!!!! next goal is 18 which is chai!!!
	feel free to contact me with chizzuk or to stam shmuz @ joestyh@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 30 Jan 2022 11:39 #376636

human being
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Keep it up brother.

Whats your 2 week prize ganna be?

I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment.
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions.

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain.

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.

Re: This time will be better 30 Jan 2022 12:50 #376639

joetyh Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 182 Karma: 20	i would love to go out for some good lunch but as of now that time is anyways being decided between my friends hakamas matzeiva and my coousins pidyon haben...
	feel free to contact me with chizzuk or to stam shmuz @ joestyh@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 30 Jan 2022 14:47 #376641

human being
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So go out the next day :-)

Re: This time will be better 31 Jan 2022 07:18 #376682

joetyh Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 182 Karma: 20	2 Weeks!!!! 2 Weeks!!!! 2 Weeks!!!! That's 14 days!!!! Thanks You Hashem!!!! GYE Chevra THANKS!!!!! Next small goal is chai/18!!! I have never done more than 14 days since i started struggling.... This is where it gets crazy
	feel free to contact me with chizzuk or to stam shmuz @ joestyh@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 31 Jan 2022 10:11 #376687

human being
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UNbelievable!

Craaaaasy!!

we should have a sushi party, I'm about to get to day 30 (level 4) tomorrow. Lechaim

Re: This time will be better 31 Jan 2022 13:47 #376690

joetyh Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 182 Karma: 20	thanks!!!!!!!! i will definitely have you in mind by my celebration!!!!
	feel free to contact me with chizzuk or to stam shmuz @ joestyh@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 31 Jan 2022 20:30 #376709

joetyh
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I am heading home in like 2 months and although I've never had an issue with this I am worried that my sister has an unfiltered laptop sitting around at home. I don't know if I know the password but that should be easy to get from her. My parents have asked her to filter it (not knowing about my struggles...) but she doesn't want to.... can I ask her upfront and tell her on a basic level that I struggle?
any other tips?
I do plan on not touching non filtered devices but still nervous...

feel free to contact me with chizzuk or to stam shmuz @ joestyh@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 31 Jan 2022 21:48 #376712

davidt
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joetyh wrote on 31 Jan 2022 20:30:

You can try to ask her in a way that you don't need to tell her about your struggle. For example, you might want to tell her that you've heard from Rabonim having a filter is required in halacha (to avoid accidental bad clicks or pop-ups etc) torah.org/torah-portion/weekly-halacha-5770-emor/

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @ ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: This time will be better 31 Jan 2022 22:06 #376714

vehkam
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Sounds like a partner could be very helpful as part of your plan.

vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me. Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.

some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me. This is ok. I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves. If you do realize that you know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: This time will be better 02 Feb 2022 16:46 #376772

human being
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From what i understand, woman who don't struggle with lust issues have a hard time understanding a mans lust issue. So she may not install a filter even if you do tell her.

BUT that definitely increases accountability, because even if she doesn't understand, it will be a lot more awkward to ask her to use it if she knows what you are using it for.

Re: This time will be better 03 Feb 2022 16:46 #376804

joetyh Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 182 Karma: 20	17 Days!!!! My parents have asked her but she doesnt want to.... i dont know what im going to do
	feel free to contact me with chizzuk or to stam shmuz @ joestyh@gmail.com