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Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA?
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA? 255 Views

Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA? 15 Oct 2021 17:15 #373330

  • Yitzchokj
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Here’s my story 
I’m 24
 I’ve struggled with SSA for my whole life. I got married and had a marriage with an unbelievable amount of physical sex but zero emotional intimacy or even normal human interaction. My wife reported feeling used, objectified and dehumanized.
 For the record I am not proud of this and feel terrible about the way I treated her.
I couldn’t stand my wife as a person and we eventually got divorced a few months in. I believe my SSA stems from a lack of a healthy father figure growing up. I have at least two siblings who struggle with sex addiction.  I’ve almost never acted out or even masturbated but I spend an inordinate amount of time and energy obsessing and fantasising about men and sex.
I used to go to the Mikva regularly to look at people but pretty recently I’ve stopped doing that but I still fantasise about men around me all the time.
I recently met someone who introduced me to the concept of a high bottom addict and I wonder if that’s the story with me.
 I’m also wondering if I should go to SA but I have two qualms about doing that.
1) I know many people in SA who never got healed and SA just becomes a part of their lifestyle and they just become complacent about their situation, they kinda feel like it is what it is and that’s my life. I haven’t really heard about anybody getting sober in SA.
 I’m also not really sure what sobriety works mean for me as a high bottom addict. It’s not like I need to stop masturbating or watching porn.
2) I’m afraid that deciding that I’m an addict will give me a ptur to do things I’ve Bh never done and always considered completely outside of my comfort zone.
 Sorry for all the run on sentence and nonsequitors, I hope someone can give me some clarity.
 Thanks in advance and tizku lmitzvos.

Re: Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA? 16 Oct 2021 17:35 #373338

  • wilnevergiveup
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Welcome to the club!

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

I know this might be a dumb question but have you ever tried therapy?
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA? 17 Oct 2021 17:18 #373361

  • Avrohom
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Wow! It's quite impressive that you've struggled for so long and haven't acted out. I can't say whether or not you're a high-bottom addict, but don't allow the label to take away from what you've accomplished. It's obviously been many opportunities and nisyonos that you fought and were successful. Incredible!
Certainly though, it's clear from your post that you feel like you need help - both with SSA in general, and perhaps dealing with your past experiences and what that means for future possible relationships and marriage. Have you ever consulted with a Frum therapist who specializes in SSA? I'm sure there are people on the forum or at RELIEF who can find one. That may be the best way to get help and also to determine if SA would be helpful for you.
אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי
אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו לא יכול לו
זרע אברהם אוהבי
Last Edit: 17 Oct 2021 17:18 by Avrohom.

Re: Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA? 17 Oct 2021 19:42 #373363

  • Yitzchokj
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Yes, I’m in therapy. I just haven’t really communicated the extent of my compulsiveness to my therapist. I literally can’t hold back from my fantasies, I wish I could just stop thinking about these things but it’s like trying not to fall asleep. I was just speaking to someone who’s in SA and  he told me that he’s pretty sure that’s a sign of an addict. When I used to go to the Mikva on Friday my whole week literally revolved around it and now it’s the same thing just with fantasies and desires.

I need help I’m just not sure what to do.

Re: Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA? 18 Oct 2021 04:36 #373379

  • wilnevergiveup
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Yitzchokj wrote on 17 Oct 2021 19:42:
Yes, I’m in therapy. I just haven’t really communicated the extent of my compulsiveness to my therapist. I literally can’t hold back from my fantasies, I wish I could just stop thinking about these things but it’s like trying not to fall asleep. I was just speaking to someone who’s in SA and  he told me that he’s pretty sure that’s a sign of an addict. When I used to go to the Mikva on Friday my whole week literally revolved around it and now it’s the same thing just with fantasies and desires.

I need help I’m just not sure what to do.

Maybe start with bringing it up with your therapist and ask him what he thinks. 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Am I a high bottom addict? Should I be in SA? 22 Oct 2021 10:59 #373500

  • Hashem Help Me
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Welcome to GYE. Great first post. Honest and courageous. Keep posting. As you write you can help yourself come to terms with all the various issues you brought up. May Hashem give you hatzlacha.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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