Hi all 
this nisayon is CRAZY!!! Ive done everything to help myself ive been 150 days clean then fell then 50!! This battle started at the age of 12 and its so hard!!!! Obviously the rewards better at the bachur stage im trying but the urges keep gripping me!!!!!! Since yom kippur i fell twice!!!!
ive stopped regretting it as much as i used to which is bad!!!!!!!!!
i made a deal with a friend each time 25 pounds and an embarrassing face time call within 24 hours or another 10!!!
i still feel im gona fall there are smartphones in the world i cant keep getting rid of them 
this thing is a nightmare HASHEM COME ALREADY!!!!!

150 days clean and then 50?!? THAT’S HUGE! You were clean for 150 and then you had a fall. It's quite clear who's winning the war.

(I'm a big believer that the key to overcoming this is not to continue fighting but to become comfortable with the idea that you genuinely are okay without it.)

You've gotten some pretty solid time there, you must have figured something out! 

Was most of the time smooth sailing or was it mostly "digging deeper" and pushing through with clenched fists? 

In the beginning, it's usually a challenge that requires us to bring out the artillery but slowly it should mellow out and not be a hourly battle. If you found that after a few weeks things settled a little and challenges were less often, then I would say to keep doing wat you've been doing until now. It may be an issue of motivation but other than that it would seem like you have a working plan. Don't give up, you are doing great. 

If you felt that the struggle was only getting worse with time, as if it was bottle building up pressure until it was too much that it burst, then it would seem like you need to make a more effective plan to minimize urges and maybe to have some better motivation.

Guilt is fun, it makes us feel productive when we are down and we can fool ourselves that we are doing something even though we are just wallowing in pain. In most cases, guilt is a trick of the Y"H to make us miserable so that we will be less productive and feel worse about ourselves only to act out again. Guilt Makes us feel motivated to change so that we cannot learn to motivate ourselves for the right reasons. 

Healthy motivation should come from within, from our own values. Not what we think we should be, or what others think of us. With the proper mindset, anyone who is growing and actively working on getting better in this area need not feel guilty. 

Keep posting, I find that it really helps, especially in the beginning. 

A gut moed,
Wilnevergiveup  

We need to keep on internalizing the fact that change / recovery is not easy and it can be very painful. The definition of Hitting "rock bottom" is the point at which being actively addicted is MORE painful than the pain of change - at this point, change becomes the logical next step.

We all have seemingly legitimate excuses and we all have rationalizations. Taking responsibility means that NO MATTER WHAT, - The buck stops by me!! If I won't stand up for myself, no one else will. But the way to win is not by fighting on our own, you need to connect with someone. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!

Another important point is that you need to be proactive. As they say, "If you fail to plan - you plan to fail". The yetzer horah rarely tries to fight us when we're doing well, he looks for opportunities when we're down and out or caught off guard. When we are tired, moody or stressed.... 

And as we all know but we need to keep on repeating, we need to take the journey one day at a time. You might have times of sheer elation, times of utter frustration and times of vulnerability when you’ll think that all your success might evaporate.