Posting for accountability. 
Travelling this week. Spending many hours at various airports. Plenty of opportunities for the YH to catch my attention... But what he doesn't realize is that there is GYE!

2 years ago I had a 400 day clean streak. But then I travelled to Israel with EL-AL. On my way back the stewdess said to me something triggering, it ignited a YH-spark and eventually caused me to fall. It went downhill from there...

But this time will be different.

Meanwhile I've already boarded the packed aircraft and have a young lady sitting right next to me..
So here's my plan בס”ד:
1. שמירת העניים will be top priority.
2. Not to fall for the YH's "Make-a-קידוש השם-stick"! There's absolutely no need to be too friendly to all of the female passengers and staff or to shmooze to the stewdess at the back of the aircraft... (even about Judaism!). 
3. Not to feel "there's no-one looking". Rather שויתי ה’ לנגדי תמיד. (Not an easy one).
4. Try to keep myself busy with learning or reading.

Thank you for listening.
Will update at end of this week iyH.
.ביחד ננצח!

UpAndDown

All I can say is wow! Crazy Gevura you have. I wish I would be at such a stage. Hatzlacha Raba!

How was the trip?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 08 Sep 2024 11:30:

So far so good. Kept to my plan as much as I could. Was travelling for over 14 hours and it was really tough. I'd say 95% success in Shmiras Einayim and the other 5% when I did look, I didn't dwell over it but just moved on..

Much to my dismay, the place I'm staying in for next few days has an unfiltered device available to use. I might make a שבועה not to use it. The fact that it's Elul definitely helps as well. TYH!

Thank you all for your care & support. I have no words!

upanddown wrote on 08 Sep 2024 22:26:

If it helps, cover the device with a sheet / towel and commit not to remove the cover. Continued hatzlacha warrior!

Here is an awesome secret weapon, especially helpful when you go UpandDown on flights, and travel out of your regular, set regimen: Daf Yomi by R' Eli Stefansky. Joindafyomi.com

Get a free Gemara, never watch movies or talk to girls in the plane again. Gets you into a different mindspace and energizes you. Keeps you grounded and in the groove, even when everything else is up in the air.

Quick update on this one...

I'm back from my trip unharmed bh.
@BenHashemBH - I did what you said about covering the device. It worked.
@Frank.lee -  thanks for the idea, might use it another time. This time I had stuff to do...

The purpose of this trip in itself (without going into detail) was emotionally draining. So even without the regular challenges of travelling on your own through big airports, I was emotionally more vulnerable and looking for comfort, which made the sexual challenges much more difficult. 

Thank you all my dear brothers for your support! Once again, I couldn't have managed without you!
Thank you Hashem for bringing me to GYE!

upanddown wrote on 12 Sep 2024 12:54:

BH! I'm glad the cover helped. You worked.
Thank you for the inspiration that we can all learn how to prepare and face a challenge to the best of our abilities.
Continued hatzlacha!

The script has changed. Now it says "I go on a trip and BH come back clean".

Hashem Help Me wrote on 12 Sep 2024 21:14:

Yeah you're so right, I didn't even realise, that's exactly what happened to me, my brain has been rewired. Thanks for pointing out!

Dear brothers...
I'd like to share with the oilem something that has helped me in recent months.
I found that working on self control is easier when it's not only Kedusha orientated. 
For example, I have been working on not cracking my finger knuckles constantly (it's really hard btw). Not to just eat anything you see (just as a healthy life style, not to lose weight). Not to react impulsively when one of my children tips their breakfast plate onto the floor and the milk splashes absolutely everywhere... and recently also in regards to checking the news I try to only check once a day (inspired by our friend PY).
So when the YH strikes with some strong sexual temptations, you're well prepared and your automatic first response is "No. Stop. Think..."
Of course, even when having a bad week in regards to checking news or eating habits I try to be in control re acting out, but as a general strategy I find that on a week that I'm working on self control in all areas of life, I get endless opportunities to boost my self control and its easier not to fall.

Wishing you all a Shavua Tov!

UpAndDown

upanddown wrote on 22 Sep 2024 00:04:

I'm also trying to stop cracking my knuckles, difficult indeed. I also relate to the message of working on self control in general. 
thanks

Reflecting on this past year...

The worst day of the year was one night when I was doing bad stuff... trying to shake off my yiddishkeit... doing multiple sins at once... it was a very dark tekufah.

The best day of the year will IYH be the last day of the year, on erev Rosh Hashana, when I'll reach 145 days clean!!
בגימטריא: והנה קמה אלומתי וגם נצבה 
(מתוך דברי יוסף הצדיק, מקור יניקת כח ההתגברות)

Although i have had 400 days clean streak in the past, I feel like this time is different. I have done a lot more inner change. Worked on Emunah. Read TBOTG. Gone for some more therapy. Chizzuk in learning. Chizzuk in Tefillah. Been in touch with the oilom here on the forums especially when facing a challenge... I haven't just gotten up, this time I feel sturdy - וגם ניצבה.

אתם ניצבים היום כולכם לפני ה' אלוקיכם. ראשיכם שבטיכם, זקניכם ושוטריכם, כל איש ישראל. טפכם נשיכם וגרך אשר בקרב מחניך וגו
It doesn't say עומדים - standing. It says נצבים standing upright and sturdy. When is that possible? When we're together באחדות. One man on his own can easily fall. But when Klal Yisroel are together.. holding on to each other for support, we're no longer valnurable but rather standing strong!

I'm so greatful to each one of you for being here for each other, for your constant support and inspiration!
די זכותים זאל’ן אייך ביישטיין

ביחד ננצח!
A git gebensht Yohr,
UpAndDown

Don't give up! focus on each time you get through some time staying clean as a tremendous step, life is full of ups and downs, you are normal, I myself went 2,750 days clean I thought I beat my yetzer hara ad meah vaesrim, But this past year he has re entered my life, But one can never give up! Stay strong, you are clearly a holy yid if you sat and learned for many years. Dont give up and focus on the positives in your journey each time you are successful, Ha - shem wants us to not give up even after we fall and to keep trying!

I'd like to share a powerful piece I have learnt in the שפת אמת (ימים נוראים יום כיפור תרנ”ו) which has given me tremendous חיזוק and I hope others can benefit from it. 

וכמו שיש יום מיוחד בשנה לטהר כל הימים, כמו כן בשס"ה גידין גיד המילה שנותן טהרה לכל הגידים, וכמו שאין השטן שולט ביום הכפורים (יומא כ, א), כן הוסר הערלה מגיד המילה. ובנוסח התפלה הן יעביר זדון למשוגה, שמתפללין שיחשב מזיד כשוגג, ואין מובן הסיום כי לכל העם בשגגה, שהרי מבקשין מחילה גם על הזדונות. אך הענין היא, כי בבני ישראל כתיב (ישעיה ס, כא) ועמך כולם צדיקים, כי החטא בישראל במקרה לא בעצם, וזהו עדות חותם אות ברית קודש שחתם בנו הקב"ה, וגלוי וידוע לפניו כל העתידות, אך שראה כי בני ישראל הם בעצם צדיקים והחטא הוא במקרה, ולכן אין מחשבה רעה מצטרף למעשה בישראל, הואיל והחטא במקרה, ומיד כשאיש ישראל חוטא חוזר ומתחרט. ורמז לדבר, כי לכל העם בשגגה, סופי תיבות אותיות מילה, כי המילה מעידשבעצם בני ישראל צדיקים, והחטא במקרה שנכנס בו רוח שטות לשעה (סוטה ג.).

We must remind ourselves constantly, that however much we fall, our עצמיות hasn't changed. The sin is just by mistake, because of the YH, but inside we're צדיקים!

And in the הערות they bring another piece on the Pasuk ואנכי איש חלק that יעקב (Vs. עשיו) is a smooth man. He says:
ולכך מדמה חטא זה לאיש חלק, שאם עלה עליו המוץ מבחוץ, מאחר שהוא בעצמו חלק ושלם אינו מקבל דבר עליו, ובקל הוא מעבירו, וכך בעצמו שבקלות יוסר החטא מן אשר הוא שלם בנפשו, כי אין החטא שהוא תוספת עליו מתחבר עמו, ולכך יום הכיפורים מעביר את החטא....

(עיין שם alot more on this topic)

So there is hope... 
May Hashem help us utilize these beautiful, holy days - days of tremendous opportunity- with שמחה!