Sorry for not posting.
Yesterday was just crazy for me.

in any case Wednesday evening I was googling wrong stuff.
BH I did not come close to falling, but non the less not good either.

BH Thursday was better or the most part was a lot better.

thanks everyone for your encouragement

eyes

Hi 
BH today I went to shul for selichos and shachris. 
Its been a good day BH.
I have. lots of stress right now.
I dont have sex often.
Was looking for PE spray today and saw lots of non tznius picture.
BH didnt ejaculate, but I have work to do.

Thanks for hearing me out

Eyes 

Hi 
BH today was a lot better, was careful where I looked when on the street. I could have been careful in other areas. Like I am really trying to lose weight and do exercise and I googled exercises. Which I should not have done.
I didnt see anything bad BH, but I will BEz"H not do it in the future.

Eyes

Hi Guys
I am fed up
I am done wasting time on the internet.
So I have IYH decided to do the following.
I am IYH trying to start incorporating more torah study in my day.

There is a site called www.theyeshiva.net where they have gemara shiurim and for some chassidus there is a site called projectlikkuteisichos.org
I will IYH keep you updated on how my learning is doing.

I recently got my life insurance license and I have to wait to get licensed by the government. I have lots of free time. Even though I have a ton to do

Hi Guys,
Sorry for not keeping you updated.
Was pretty busy Thursday and Friday BH.
I just want to go over my struggles over the past week.

Monday I was looking on amazon.com for something that I need. It borderlines with not tznius things, but I am allowed to buy those items. The issue is that I always check what else they have and that is the point where there is a possibility to go sour.

Wednesday, I went shopping and BH it actually went amazing and ill tell you why. I needed a new blazer for davening and I had several options where to go. I could either go to a store like Marshalls or to the mall with pritzus and manikins with all clothes for women on there. When I finished the food shopping I decided to check out the department store if they have a blazer. BH they did and I did not have to walk around the mall. After that I needed to go the mall to get shoes. So I new where I had to go and I took off my glasses (i have 700+ prescription eye glasses) and I was abe to pick out a nice pair of shoes. I had to go to the mall because i have small feet and I cant order online. The women who was at the checkout only had a half a shirt, but BH I was able to look down and not look at her exposed tummy. When I came home after my successful shopping spree, i decided I need to find more exercises online. Now that was a no no. BH I didnt see anything not good. Although, I saw videos of men doing exercise, which isnt good, but BH I didnt fall. 

Now Friday. I went to an old age to volunteer and make RH challah with the residents. It all went well until the lady who was in charge of the volunteers started speaking to me. She started saying all the things that she likes about me which made me very uncomfortable. During the whole time her shirts was very revealing and her shoulders and breast where very visible. At the end like I said she was talking to me. I put down my head because I dont like to talk to other women. She even touched me. At that point I said I must go. I also told her that I am IYH never coming back. But through Friday and Shabbos I was thinking about how she was flirting with me. She also was smiling at me the same way my wife does when she is excited about being together. Last night I had nocturnal emission because of that. Bez"H I will not answer any of her emails in the future. I think she is divorced and or never married. She has 2 kids.

BH I am still clean and BEz"H I will be able to come to Hashem this year with 2 clean years.

I feel every time, i made a dip I feel like I need to start again, and to train myself just as if I had a fall C"V.

I hope I wasn't too graphic. I just had to get everything out so that I could start repairing again.

Bez"H we are moving and the place is not so tznius. People are very relaxed in how they dress, both frum and not frum.

I will IYH be continuing this tread.

I have changed it to my ''life thread" as BEZ"H I would like to keep this thread going. It has really helped me stay on track BH.

To my friends YG and OE I feel what you are going through. Possibly life changing events like getting married and or getting a job or just getting used to the way of life. I really get you. I follow your posts and may Hashem be with you and us all and help us through our struggles.

To all the other members of this site.
RH is coming and it is time to look back. Maybe it is time to post more. Maybe it is time to post your story. 
Get more involved.
Not only are you an inspiration to yourself, but to everyone else on this site.

Blessings for a כתיבה וחתימה טובה לשנה טובה ומתוקה בטוב הנארה והנגלה בשמחה ובטוב לבב  בגשמיות וברחניות ברחניות ובגשמיות וגם יחד
Eyes

Amazing stuff!
Keep it coming!

We avoid as much as we can because that's the most control we have.
But when the going gets tough, and it sounds like you had some real nisyonos, you pulled through.

Exercising these muscles makes them stronger.
The nisyonos will never go away because that is the Soton's job.

Much hatzlocha with your move.  So sorry it has to be somewhere less tznius.  What passes for clothed today is pathetic.

Hi Everyone,
I hope your RH went well.
it's BH been very busy week.
Our flights BH got cancelled.

In any case on the second day I was leaving shul and there were women on both sides of the door. I asked one of the politely to please move to the other side as it is not derech hatznius and a man is not allowed to walk in between 2 women.

Today BH I had a very busy day from helping my father build the sukka, t going to my grandmothers birthday party, to a hachnasas sefer torah and to do kaporos for my family. By the hachnasas sefer torah it was full of women and I did my utmost best not to look and keep my eyes focused. BH I think I did a pretty good job.

Well my fellow brothers especially EO and YG. You both are an amazing and I envy both of you. Both of you are before shidduchim and you are both working on it, I give you guys so much credit. May Hashem give you the strength to overcome all of your roadblocks.

And to everyone else. We are now doing a a cheshbon hanefesh over the past year. Please you dont have to put everything here on the table, but at least post your story and begin your recovery.

gmar chasima tova

Eyes

Hi Everyone,
Havent posted in a while on my thread.
I hope all of you had an uplifting sukkos and simchas torah.

I really miss all the regulars here.

Please come back on 

Hi Guys,
With summer over and Bez"H summer is around the corner, there are still triggers.

I would like to comment on recent posts.
It breaks my heart that there are people on this site that have not lasted in their marriage due to P&M ETC. I read it and it breaks my heart to shreds to the point that I am very upset.

However I would like to bring out another point. This is for everyone even for the the bochurim.
When you are with your wife (or will be married one day IYH) there is no better kiss or hug or intimacy then not have looked at any other women. I feel that if I have not seen any pictures or anything that has a picture of a women, my intimate life skyrockets. This is all on a personal note.

Please comment.

EYES

Hi,
Been a bit off today.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better IYH.

Still not doing good.

My brother gave his wife a get this week and I'm stressed.

I need to stop googling things that may lead me to fall CV.

Any suggestions?
Also my filter allows me to go through everything.​

Eyes

Sorry guys to disappoint you.

Thank G-D I didnt really fall, but I did.

Nothing came out BH, but I have been such an animal on the internet today.

I am not sure what has gotten into me, but I just had that time.

I will keep my count for now, but it was a very hard day.

I wish I had my techloq but I have a apple so only gentech is good.

I am closing my computer for now.

Sorry. 

eyes wrote on 08 Oct 2021 17:48:

It's been hard for me too today. Has lots of thoughts about a fantasy I have. And I felt pretty confident that calling one of my SA friends would help a lot, but I felt bad about calling because I feel foolish calling all the time. I wish I could go to more meetings but right now I'm not able.

I have to quit being an idiot and make a phone call, and if I get rejected I get rejected.

It got easier when I sat and read from the White Book again. Anything to remind me what my real problem is.

Hi Guys,
BH I was good last night and this morning.
Was a bit out of control in the evening. 
I am really working on myself.
I will keep you updated in how things are working out for me.
I am in touch with HHM and really trying to get back to my usual self IYH.

Please pray for me, I really need it

Eyes

HI Everyone,
I am sorry that I have not posted in some time.
BH we moved to a new country and getting used to the place and setting up government documents for my family is stressful.
It was a long flight to get here BH. If you get where I live now plz PM me if you live near me as I would live to meet you in person.

Last week I was a bit shvach, but BH Friday morning I started fresh again.

I checked the site often, but did not have time to reply to messages.

I miss our oldy regulars, so if you feel you are an oldy please come back on.

I will IYH try to post more often

EYES

Hey Eyes, how's it going? We miss you