Hi I would like to document my summer struggles here. I will update hopefully daily or at least as much as I can.

Thanks 

Eyes

Please don't be fooled 700+ days was no breeze. I almost fell once, and it was not exciting. Thank G-D at the last second nothing came out, which made be able to continue my count.
I commend all of you for whatever day you have reached. Every day is a challenge. Every day cleaned is a day won. 

For me the summer is not easy. I thought that for those who live in Orthodox populated areas that it is a bit better, buy HHM told me that it is not. 
I dont have the luxury of shopping in Rockland Kosher of in seven mile market, where is is mainly frum Yidden that work and shop there. I need to go to a goyishe store and everyone shops there. In addition, when I drive my kids around there are pritzus everywhere. On the streets signs and on the people on the street. Sometimes I need to pull myself away.
Last week I had an appointment with my wife downtown where I live and it was no easy deal simply driving to our destination and back.
Last week, I needed to reset the settings on our Ipad and safari returned to the homepage. I felt very guilty with it on. I was working on a project at the time and I would not continue until I was able to get safari off. 
When I take my daughter to camp every day there is a frum division and a non frum division. I need to remind myself constantly where I am.
Again for me in the summer its no breeze, I need to constantly prepare myself for where I am going and what I might be up against. 
These days I sometimes have lust thoughts. Its hard.
With Hashems Help we will get through this 

Please post your suggestions

Thanks 

Eyes

B"H today was a better day. Took the kids to camp, but my wife did the pick up. Needed to do the studying so I stayed home most of the day. 

Thanks 

Eyes

BH today was also a good day,
When I dropped off my daughter at camp I could have been more careful. There is a camp rule that all counselors need to wear a full length skirt ( I know BC my niece works there). 
In any case I will IYH try to be more careful tomorrow. 
Tomorrow is my food shopping day. I need to remember to be extra careful. Will IYH post tomorrow 


 GN

EYES

Hi Everyone,
Sorry I didnt post yesterday. I had to pay a shiva call to a close friend of the family. A women in her early 60's battled 2 years with terminal cancer, leaving 3 unmarried children. 
BH yesterday's shopping went well. I think preparing myself before hand really helped BH.

I just want to bring out the gadlus that HHM, WNGU & Grant400 always say. If you see someone not dressed. 
1. Feel bad for them
2. Daven for them
3. They are also or could be a wife of someone, for sure a sister and child who does not want to be objectified.
4. They are also a human being and not just a sex object.

However, sometimes like my last weeks experience when there was a women almost not wearing anything, then I just had to turn my head and eyes with all my might to ensure that I dont see her again.
So I encourage everyone to think of these things, bc they can really help get over the lust, and to see the person as a person and not a sex object. This was told to me by Dov.

Thanks everyone
I will IYH post later

Hi Everyone,
BH today was a lot better. I needed to take our baby for his routine vaccines and on the front of the building is a pharmacy and optical stores that for some reason have huge not tznius pictures. BH I was able to find a parking spot right next to the doors and dogged all the pictures. 

Lots to be grateful for.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Have a good night 

Eyes

Hi Everyone,
Sorry for those that were following me.
My wife caught me on GYE and asked me to stop going on GYE.
She was in touch with heads of GYE and she decided its not an issue. 

So BH I am back on now.
BH since I posted last things went well. Here and there some issues, but overall its okay.

Today I was in the library studying, a women fully exposed pulled in right next to me. I was BH able to turn away and not take a second look

But now its a bit hard or me and I am having machshavos zaros.
Also my computer broke and I am using my wife's unfiltered computer.
I will iyh try to get a new one today.

Thanks ya all.
I already feel better knowing that I posted my issues.
I will IYH post more when I get my new computer.

Thanks 

Eyes

Dear Chevra,
I hope all is well.
BH Shabbos was great. 
Really trying to be careful.
I am BH grateful that here were I live the summer is going down as it it is getting cooler.
I by accident looked at a girl and it put me on the wrong path.
The head counselor in my daughters camp is very attractive and dresses really well. I do my best not to look at her, but one day I needed to go into the building and she stopped me and asked me a question. I looked for a second and it threw me off.

She doesnt have camp tomorrow, but goes back on Tuesday IYH for the second month.
I know I need to be very careful.
I will IYH do my very best. 
In general that camp has an amazing name, but the counselors are wearing mini-skirts and walking around with boy friends.
I try to come early to miss the traffic.
I will IYH do my best for the second month.

I accepted the challenge a bit late so I finish IYH on lamed av/ rosh chodesh elul. The day we begin l'dovid Hashem Ori.

In any case. Who ever is reading my posts/rants stay strong and I will IYH continue to post when I can.

My computer broke and my wife is graciously sharing her computer with me which is unfiltered. So i better get off now.

BYE BYE

eyes

Hi everyone,
A bit upset,
I got scammed and am a victim of fraud. It was worth 732 Canadian.
I have to hold on now as that was a lot of money for me and my family. In any case, Hashem helps. there must be a reason.

I have to hold on tight

Sounds rough! Sorry to hear that!

Thanks brother.

BH every day I am slowly getting over it.

In any case, 
Today I was not as careful when I went to drop and pick up my daughter. It wasnt to see the people there but I could have been more careful. Tomorrow I will IYH try to be more careful.

I hope everyone is doing well

Happy summer 

Hi everyone,
BH today was a lot better dropped off my daughter late and my wife went to pick up my daughter. Did the shopping BH and was okay.
I got upset at my son and my wife got upset with me. We BH spoke about and tried to delegate jobs, so that I dont feel stressed.
I hope tomorrow will IYH be a better day.

Have a good summer 

Eyes 

Hi Everyone,
Today, I did something I would never thought of doing. I met with a fellow GYE member in the city where I live. At first I was questioning myself if I did the right thing. I know I did. I am telling you, I have never met such a refined human being before. Never mind knowing what he struggles with. We met for 30 minutes in the park. He really boosted my moral, and put me on another plane.
I had a different image of the people behind different names on the group. But now I see that everyone here is so pure and holy. I just can't get my head around it. 
All you guys are so amazing. 
​I would encourage anyone to meet up or call someone when they need. This group is beyond.

Thanks again

Eyes 

That is great!

I myself have had only good experiences meeting face to face with GYE peoples. 
Much Hatzlocha!

Thank you for sharing your struggles.
Your honesty with yourself is palpable in your posts.
You are clearly someone who is committed to staying clean, you have a plan, and you're doing it.

This is never going to be easy.  It is THE challenge of our generation.

Willpower is a muscle.  The more we exercise it, the stronger it gets.
In our case, we direct our willpower to AVOIDING and DEFLECTING as much as possible.

When I accidentally see something potentially provocative, I ask Hashem to not let the image take a place in my mind.  "Please take this away, Tateh, I don't want it."

The more we starve the animal, the weaker it gets.

Wishing you continued syata dshmaya in this daily avodah.

Alex