Hey sci. I first saw your post in the chizuk email. I dont know what to say. All i can say is that i hope one day i can write the same! :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Thank you all for the kind words regarding the john dear letter.  I actual feel a lot better that it's done.  It had been weighing on me for about 40 days or so.  I guess I have to move to the next project for this thread.  I do have some ideas what I want to do next but think I need to take a day or two to figure how to do it exactly.

I appreciate all on GYE for helping me.  Reading many other posts is what lead me to writing the good bye letter.  Also, I must say thank you to guard.  It meant a lot that you liked the letter enough to put in in the chizuk email. 

All on GYE, lets keep trucking!!!

Indeed - we're all looking forward to seeing what you're going to do next, and we're all going to watch and be inspired...

This is not what I am going to work on next but need to post it cause I have been thinking about since yesterday.

I think it's important to thank people that help you along the way.  If you have posted in my threads and or if I have posted or read yours, thank you.  What we do here is very important for each other. 

OK, so the next on my list to do is actually look at myself honestly and make an actual determination of what I need to improve on as a person and start to change what I need to change.  First, I will take an inventory of SCI1977 and see whats really in there.  The good and the bad.  As I go through this I will update this thread.  I have a feeing this is going to be a long process!!!

That IS a long process - for any of us! And absolutely necessary. Even just figuring out all the forces inside of us is a complex, long, difficult process.

There's a sefer called "alei shur." The hebrew is high-level, even people who speak hebrew well have trouble with it, but there are various mp3s of people who translate and explain it. It's a great book, and he has one whole section on understanding what makes us, personally, tick.

If you like, I can try to get you some of the classes...

SB, I would like that.  Let me know what you can find.  It might be helpful for everyone in GYE!!

I started this process this morning and wow it is a huge idea.  But, it's time to figure this out.  I'll update a little about my early discoveries later on today.

OK, so when you take on a huge challenge, get ready for what the results are going to be once you start the challenge.  I started out and looked at myself in the mirror today and said Hi SCI1977, who are you REALLY!!  So, since I still can't answer that question almost 9 hours later, I started to panic.  I spent my day, either in the front of my mind or sometimes in the back of it, thinking who am I?  So I thought and thought and thought some more and realized I am very complex.  I have lots of working parts and lots of thoughts but who am I?  Where do I stand?  I was over come with WOW!!!  So I took my question sort of on the road with me home tonight.  I sat and listened to the tumult at the table and understood finally I am a man who is in charge of a household.  I am a husband, son, brother, and father.  But here is the part that makes everything cloudy, these are things a three year old can figure out.  I need to dig deeper.  So I went to sit down to do some work, I had to bring home work tonight.  As I sat down to work, all of a sudden I was once again struck with something that I am.  I am a worker, again a three year old observation.  Then I thought well maybe it's OK to have a three year old take on the world.  A three year old is not addicted to anything.  They are innocent and have a way to look at things simply.  I realized that for a first day to delve into such a matter of who I am, I didn't do so bad.  All day I was kicking myself, come up with something wonderful or terrible that you are.  Well todays discover are simple and not a bad way to start.  Like we say here, baby steps.  I have taken my first baby step in this project.  Thank you G-d for allowing me to start this probably the way I should have and not get to deep to fast.

sci1977 wrote on 04 Feb 2010 02:41:


And if you realized that, you're doing GREAT!

Figuring out who we are is a scary journey...but you're on it, and that's great! Start small, build your way up.

There's a great book called "outside/inside" by Gila Manolson - it's about tznius - but it explains how it's not a dress code, it's a deeper concept connected to who we really are, as opposed to all the superficialities that we identify ourselves by.

Worth reading.

So a little more about where my journey on me is taking my brain.  I realized today that I am a good friend to some and a terrible one to others.  I am G-d loving.  I did find out today I have a major flaw that I caught today and said, wow, got to stop that.  I look at the world like it's supposed to come to me.  I can't do that.  I have to look at it as I need to go into the world.  Hard for me to realize that, but I did.  Also today, I was trying to grasp something that happened in business for the last three weeks.  All of a sudden the light bulb went off and I figured out that it's not about what you know, it's who you know to get you places.  I know G-d and he is bringing me places I never thought possible.  The last major idea that I am ready to share this post is I am gearing up for this road.  I can't get stop now, I must push forward slowly.  A little realization of what you really are is better then having no idea of yourself. 

Wow, wow, and WOW!

Also, I am Jewish.  Maybe I overlooked that the last two days in my posts regarding this.  The part of being Jewish is something I don't even think about, I just am.  I hope you all understand what I am going to say.  I am certainly not a holy jew by any means.  I am not orthodox, I am a conservative jew that grew up in the suburbs in NJ.  I have been secular my whole life.  I now live south of the mason dixon line in one of the biggest growing areas for conservative jews.  I can't quote the torah, cause I really can't.  I can't speak hebrew.  I follow along here as best I can and if I don't understand something, I go and try and look it up.  I hope you all understand.  I don't use many hebrew or yiddish words because frankly I know how to say them and know what some of them mean but I am not going to pretend here.  It says if you are going to be serious about this site you must be honest.  I hope you appreciate my total honesty.  I have been arguing with myself over the past 77 days to bring this up.  I hope this does not make you think less of me as a person.  Let's all keep rocking GYE!!!

I said this before, and I'll say it again - we're ALL holy jews here (and the non-jews have holiness, too). We may not be perfect, but we're holy because of who we are - Hashem gave us a holy soul, and that's always inside us. Hashem put us in this world to accomplsih something, a unique task that only we can do.

That's right. Me, Silentbattle? I have a job in this world, a purpose - and I'm unique, There has never been, and never will be, anyone just like me. So I have to do my job, because there's no one else to do it! That's holiness. Sci? You're completely unique. There never has been anyone like you, never will be. You're special, and holy, and hashem put you into this world to grow and accomplish something unique, that only you can do.

You ARE holy. There's no escaping it.

We're all holy yiddin here!