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I want a girl so badly
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: I want a girl so badly 3516 Views

Re: I want a girl so badly 20 May 2021 14:23 #368736

  • DavidT
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EvedHashem1836 wrote on 20 May 2021 03:29:


Time to start a new streak. All the way to 90 this time. Let's do this.

Most people subscribe to the "one day at a time" theory but it never resonated with me. What do you mean 1 day at a time? So I'm letting myself fall tomorrow? How will I ever reach 90 that way?

That being said a similar idea did work very well for me recently - I had a few days of raging desires and I told myself I'll just be clean until shavuos and then I can figure it out from there and lo and behold the desires have passed and I have no urge to fall anymore.

Perhaps take on something similar - in my experience short goals of a week or 10 days have been extremely helpful. You finish a short goal you work towards another short goal and each one feels satisfying, enough short goals and you hit 90. 

Just my 2 cents feel free to disagree j sharing what works for me

Hi
There are many approaches and tools and the goal of GYE is to lay them out and let each person see what works for them. 

Having short goals is always a good idea. 

As we said many times, reaching 90 is not the end game for any one, if it's all about "90" then after 90 we're toast. It's all about training our brains that we can do it and we can change our bad habits (and even addictions)  with the help of Hashem. 

If something seems to work for you, go for it!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 20 May 2021 14:24 by DavidT.

Re: I want a girl so badly 20 May 2021 23:24 #368759

  • FighterWithFire
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Thank you so much to everybody for all the suggestions. Really, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"

Re: I want a girl so badly 02 Jul 2021 00:13 #370419

  • FighterWithFire
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Incredible story for everybody.
On Sunday, sitting on a streak of 34 days, the lust got so strong (especially while fasting) that I unfortunately decided to take advantage of an unfiltered device lying around. However, when I opened the browser and typed in the inappropriate address, the page read "Privacy error, please retry." 
And so I stayed clean.
Today, the EXACT same thing happened-lust got stronger, opened up the browser (not my user, so unfiltered), and it read "Privacy error" and didn't load-once again.
Don't know why this is happening, but it couldn't possibly be more obvious that Hashem is literally not letting me fall! Thank you Hashem!
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"

Re: I want a girl so badly 03 Aug 2021 17:45 #371391

  • Birshusi
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Hey, just wanted to say that I relate to a lot of what you wrote in your initial post. To throw in my two cents: I was pretty sure that marriage would alleviate most of my pain, as I too just wanted a tight hug from a girl who loved me. Well guess what: I got married and got just that, BH, and I didn't even think about GYE for close to three years. But then my wife was pregnant with our second child, and she went to bed early many nights, and slowly but surely I slipped back into old habits. To be fully transparent, my struggle is more mild than most of the guys here, as I only fall with basic dvarim assurim but have never watched porn or masturbated. Even at that level of struggle, the novelty of marriage, no matter how loving the relationship is, will wear off, and that's when it no longer has the power to keep you clean. 
As an aside, there have been a few tekofos in my marriage when my wife was off limits to me for extended periods, and I felt like a bochur again. The endless struggle of being single is very, very hard, and you should never judge yourself for having these thoughts. I got a lot of chizuk from a piece in Alei Shur chalek 1 called Michtav Sheini, where he basically writes that the feeling of taavah is not only not deserving of shame, but is in fact a feeling of kedusha. It's worth a read.
Hatzlacha!

Re: I want a girl so badly 03 Aug 2021 18:02 #371393

  • FighterWithFire
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Thank you so much! Immeasurably helpful, and will look up that Alei Shur ASAP. Thanks again.
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"
Last Edit: 03 Aug 2021 18:05 by FighterWithFire.

Re: I want a girl so badly 03 Aug 2021 18:05 #371394

  • FighterWithFire
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Birshusi wrote on 03 Aug 2021 18:02:
Hey, just wanted to say that I relate to a lot of what you wrote in your initial post. To throw in my two cents: I was pretty sure that marriage would alleviate most of my pain, as I too just wanted a tight hug from a girl who loved me. Well guess what: I got married and got just that, BH, and I didn't even think about GYE for close to three years. But then my wife was pregnant with our second child, and she went to bed early many nights, and slowly but surely I slipped back into old habits. To be fully transparent, my struggle is more mild than most of the guys here, as I only fall with basic dvarim assurim but have never watched porn or masturbated. Even at that level of struggle, the novelty of marriage, no matter how loving the relationship is, will wear off, and that's when it no longer has the power to keep you clean. 

As an aside, there have been a few tekofos in my marriage when my wife was off limits to me for extended periods, and I felt like a bochur again. The endless struggle of being single is very, very hard, and you should never judge yourself for having these thoughts. I got a lot of chizuk from a piece in Alei Shur chalek 1 called Michtav Sheini, where he basically writes that the feeling of taavah is not only not deserving of shame, but is in fact a feeling of kedusha. It's worth a read. 

Hatzlacha!



Thank you so much! Immeasurably helpful, and will look up that Alei Shur ASAP. Thanks again.
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"
Last Edit: 03 Aug 2021 18:06 by FighterWithFire.

Re: I want a girl so badly 03 Aug 2021 19:08 #371395

.
Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway.

"All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 22:07 by ihadstringsbutnowimfree.

Re: I want a girl so badly 03 Aug 2021 19:26 #371396

  • bebetter85
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"kosher movies" youtube etc.

Re: I want a girl so badly 03 Aug 2021 20:32 #371398

  • Birshusi
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ihadstringsbutnowimfree wrote on 03 Aug 2021 19:08:
I hope this is not an inappropriate question. What entails basic dvarim asurim? Is that flipping a light switch on Shabbos, or watching an R rated  movie, or looking through a mainstream magazine? Ok, it's probably not the light switch, but I'm genuinely curious.

I'll PM you. Anyone else who is curious should feel free to reach out. I just don't want to trigger anyone.

Re: I want a girl so badly 03 Aug 2021 23:22 #371405

.
Check out my thread The Easy Peasy Method

Or just read the book. Based on Alan Carr's Easyway.

"All porn ever does is relieve the withdrawal symptoms that it causes, and it ceases to relieve them completely."
Last Edit: 09 Sep 2021 22:07 by ihadstringsbutnowimfree.

Re: I want a girl so badly 04 Aug 2021 06:19 #371415

  • Rt234
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IN regards to an unfiltered device... I have the same issue as you (FWF). I have a kosher phone but at home there are unfiltered devices.
a big thing that I do is taphsik shvua/neder it Helpss alot!!
you can Read how it works on this site (under tools I think)
feel free  To pm me if you'd like.
All the best keep it up!!!!!!!!!! 

Re: I want a girl so badly 06 Sep 2021 20:36 #372258

  • FighterWithFire
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30 DAYS!!!
B"H, I have been clean for all of Elul, and could never in a million years have done it without GYE. Thank you so much for everybody who's reached out; it's immeasurably helpful.
1/3 of the way there! Let's keep this going!
Wishing everyone a Kesiva Vachasima Tova and a Gut Gebensht Yohr!
FWF
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"

Re: I want a girl so badly 09 Sep 2021 11:18 #372277

  • Hashem Help Me
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Beautiful! Keep it up! What has worked for you?
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: I want a girl so badly 09 Sep 2021 21:56 #372303

  • FighterWithFire
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Hashem Help Me wrote on 09 Sep 2021 11:18:
Beautiful! Keep it up! What has worked for you?

As embarrassed as I am to say it, it was really being in Yeshiva that helped.
Why am I embarrassed?
Because I just fell.
After 33 clean days.
Was at home for the fast, lonely and bored, the lust hit...and I fell.
So upset at myself. Really thought I could make it this time.
But if there's one thing I've learnt from HHM, Grant, etc., it's that you can't stay down after a fall, otherwise you don't get back up.
So instead of staying depressed about falling during the AYT, I'm going to prove to myself and more importantly, Hashem, that as bad as this fall was, it was a minor setback that doesn't throw me back to where I started, just serves as an obstacle to further progress, and I'm going to beat it if it's the last thing I do.
Wishing everybody here nothing but the best.
FWF
"A Yid never breaks
and a Yid never bends
and a Yid never gives up in the night
A Yid perseveres
through the deepest despairs
his Emunah strengthens him for the fight"

Re: I want a girl so badly 10 Sep 2021 05:59 #372310

  • farmer k.
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just a small point I thought id like to share.
1-relationship and love is built on giving, 2-every time you control yourself, which all of us know takes extreme emotional strength, and is like cutting out part of yourself and your own personal pleasure.
so in essence every time you control yourself your giving insane amt. to future marriage. so in other words your building your future marriage and love right now.
The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings
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