Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

I want to fail....
(0 viewing) 
A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
  • Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: I want to fail.... 194 Views

I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 15:53 #363155

  • breakingthehabit
  • Current streak: 1994 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • עָזְרֵנִי אֵל חַי לְהַכְנִיעַ, אֶת יֵצֶר הַמְפַתֶּה הַמֵּרִיעַ.
  • Posts: 29
  • Karma: 2
Hi Everyone!
BH I have been clean for a long time, but lately it feels like I want to fail. I am a BT, so I grew up exposed to a lot of things and I thought then at least when I got married I could have a Kosher Output, I know it is wrong to view it that way, but I feel like biologically I have needs that are not being met. So I am in a bad mood, anxious, and other things. Sometimes I wonder whether this is even worth it, I am feeling stressed and anxious. Plus I am going through some rough things in other areas of my life which puts even more pressure, I am even going through some Emunah issues. I am just venting and ranting here, but if anyone has gone through something similar your Chizzuk will be greatly appreciated. 

Re: I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 16:07 #363159

  • DavidT
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: 55
breakingthehabit wrote on 11 Feb 2021 15:53:
Hi Everyone!
BH I have been clean for a long time, but lately it feels like I want to fail. I am a BT, so I grew up exposed to a lot of things and I thought then at least when I got married I could have a Kosher Output, I know it is wrong to view it that way, but I feel like biologically I have needs that are not being met. So I am in a bad mood, anxious, and other things. Sometimes I wonder whether this is even worth it, I am feeling stressed and anxious. Plus I am going through some rough things in other areas of my life which puts even more pressure, I am even going through some Emunah issues. I am just venting and ranting here, but if anyone has gone through something similar your Chizzuk will be greatly appreciated. 

Current streak: 1994 days (beyond amazing!)

breakingthehabit, can you maybe share how you kept strong for so long... I really envy you and you olam habah!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 16:11 #363160

  • DavidT
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: 55
I want to share an email I got a few days ago from Living Emunah (RABBI ASHEAR)


Even More Than A Korban
In Parashas Yitro, we read about receiving the Aseret Hadiberot on Har Sinai. Right after Matan Torah, Hashem commanded the Jewish People to build a mizbe’ach (altar) to bring korbanot upon. The pasuk says, that it will become a place of kedusha where Hashem will rest His Presence and bring blessing from. The mizbe’ach brought us closer to Hashem, because through the korbanot we offered upon it, we became purified from our sins. But what about today when we don’t have a mizbe’ach? How are we supposed to achieve that closeness to Hashem when our sins create barriers?


The Midrash at the end of parashat Yitro says, see how beloved yisurin – afflictions are, because they accomplish for us even more than a korban ever could. The Gemara adds, for the person to get the most out of his yisurin, he has to accept them with happiness. Naturally, nobody likes getting hurt or losing something. But if we can overcome our nature, and, with emunah, understand that the yisurin are good for us, each time we do that, we’ll be accomplishing more than we would get out of a korban. If somebody heard that there was an opportunity today to bring a korban to Hashem in the Bet HaMikdash, they would do everything in their power to do it. Accepting yisurin right from where we are is better than that.


When we are happy, even though we experience difficulties, there’s another added benefit that will be illustrated in the following story. On one occasion, a businessman who incurred a large loss came to a Rebbe and cried over his plight. The Rebbe shared with him the Gemara in Sanhedrin which says when a Jew is feeling pain, the Shechina feels every bit of it. The Rebbe said, “We are supposed to care about Hashem’s pain, and if you will alleviate yourself out of your pain, it will take Hashem out of His pain. And if even you can’t be fully happy about it, the less pain you feel, the less pain Hashem will feel.”
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 16:16 #363162

  • breakingthehabit
  • Current streak: 1994 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • עָזְרֵנִי אֵל חַי לְהַכְנִיעַ, אֶת יֵצֶר הַמְפַתֶּה הַמֵּרִיעַ.
  • Posts: 29
  • Karma: 2
Thank you DavidT! I just take it one day at a time, and when I am about to fall I say, "OK, I will do it, but tomorrow" and that just buys me a day. You give something to the Yetzer Hara at the time, but it buys you enough time to get yourself busy. 
Other thing is try to have very little free time alone.
Not sure about my Olam Haba, I feel like this is not over and I could fall any moment....

Re: I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 16:20 #363163

  • breakingthehabit
  • Current streak: 1994 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • עָזְרֵנִי אֵל חַי לְהַכְנִיעַ, אֶת יֵצֶר הַמְפַתֶּה הַמֵּרִיעַ.
  • Posts: 29
  • Karma: 2
DavidT wrote on 11 Feb 2021 16:11:
I want to share an email I got a few days ago from Living Emunah (RABBI ASHEAR)


Even More Than A Korban
In Parashas Yitro, we read about receiving the Aseret Hadiberot on Har Sinai. Right after Matan Torah, Hashem commanded the Jewish People to build a mizbe’ach (altar) to bring korbanot upon. The pasuk says, that it will become a place of kedusha where Hashem will rest His Presence and bring blessing from. The mizbe’ach brought us closer to Hashem, because through the korbanot we offered upon it, we became purified from our sins. But what about today when we don’t have a mizbe’ach? How are we supposed to achieve that closeness to Hashem when our sins create barriers?


The Midrash at the end of parashat Yitro says, see how beloved yisurin – afflictions are, because they accomplish for us even more than a korban ever could. The Gemara adds, for the person to get the most out of his yisurin, he has to accept them with happiness. Naturally, nobody likes getting hurt or losing something. But if we can overcome our nature, and, with emunah, understand that the yisurin are good for us, each time we do that, we’ll be accomplishing more than we would get out of a korban. If somebody heard that there was an opportunity today to bring a korban to Hashem in the Bet HaMikdash, they would do everything in their power to do it. Accepting yisurin right from where we are is better than that.


When we are happy, even though we experience difficulties, there’s another added benefit that will be illustrated in the following story. On one occasion, a businessman who incurred a large loss came to a Rebbe and cried over his plight. The Rebbe shared with him the Gemara in Sanhedrin which says when a Jew is feeling pain, the Shechina feels every bit of it. The Rebbe said, “We are supposed to care about Hashem’s pain, and if you will alleviate yourself out of your pain, it will take Hashem out of His pain. And if even you can’t be fully happy about it, the less pain you feel, the less pain Hashem will feel.”

Thanks for sharing! I just have a hard time seeing how a loving creator couldn´t find a better way to solve this other than Yisurim, this might sound like Apikorsus but sometimes it feels like I could have done a better job....Of course I know nothing and understanding an infinite being is supposed to be beyond comprehension but it is something I have been struggling with lately. 

Re: I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 16:31 #363165

  • DavidT
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 787
  • Karma: 55
Going thru pain is one the most difficult nisyonos in life. Even big tzadikim begged Hashem to remove their pain because they were afraid they would not be able to overcome the tests... 

But just to shed some light and give a tiny drop of chizzuk, I'll share an interesting story (in my humble opinion) 

A story is told of a person named Reuven who had a regular life with hardships and happiness. When his Neshama went up to meet it’s creator, he sat humiliated as his life passed before him as he was judged. He had Chata’im galore and his mitzvos were only minimal and not close to enough to weigh down the scale in his favor. Suddenly Malachim appeared carrying heavy burdens and loading them onto the “mitzvah” or Zakai side of the scale. he realized these burdens were the yissurim he went through in life. slowly slowly his scale was evening out for the good and he realized he might just not have to be considered a “rasha” and go to gehenom (whatever that means). Suddenly the malachim had no more burdens to carry. Reuven looked at the scale and cried out so loud…. “Hashem couldn’t You have given me more tzaros!?!? more yisurim?!?!?” He watched in horror as the scale was just tipped a drop to low to the guilty side and just a few more yisurim would have samed him and made him zakai!!! But it was TOO LATE!

We don’t understand it here but it’s a chesed that Hashem sends yisurim because when we dont do a proper teshuva the yisurim aquit us and are mechaper for all of our crimeful aveiros!
We never know when Hashem may have rachamim and we have to daven from our yesurim and thank Hashem for the kapara…
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 11 Feb 2021 16:35 by DavidT.

Re: I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 16:34 #363166

  • breakingthehabit
  • Current streak: 1994 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • עָזְרֵנִי אֵל חַי לְהַכְנִיעַ, אֶת יֵצֶר הַמְפַתֶּה הַמֵּרִיעַ.
  • Posts: 29
  • Karma: 2
DavidT wrote on 11 Feb 2021 16:31:
Going thru pain is one the most difficult nisyonos in life. Even big tzadikim begged Hashem to remove their pain because they were afraid they would not be able to overcome the tests... 

But just to shed some light and give a tiny drop of chizzuk, I'll share an interesting story (in my humble opinion) 

A story is told of a person named Reuven who had a regular life with hardships and happiness. When his Neshama went up to meet it’s creator, he sat humiliated as his life passed before him as he was judged. He had Chata’im galore and his mitzvos were only minimal and not close to enough to weigh down the scale in his favor. Suddenly Malachim appeared carrying heavy burdens and loading them onto the “mitzvah” or Zakai side of the scale. he realized these burdens were the yissurim he went through in life. slowly slowly his scale was evening out for the good and he realized he might just not have to be considered a “rasha” and go to gehenom (whatever that means). Suddenly the malachim had no more burdens to carry. Reuven looked at the scale and cried out so loud…. “Hashem couldn’t You have given me more tzaros!?!? more yisurim?!?!?” He watched in horror as the scale was just tipped a drop to low to the guilty side and just a few more yisurim would have samed him and made him zakai!!! But it was TOO LATE!

We don’t understand it here (beleive me… I grumble every time I have my share) but it’s a chesed that Hashem sends yisurim because when we dont do a proper teshuva the yisurim aquit us and are mechaper for all of our crimeful aveiros! I baruch Hashem grew up in a home with a motto of “zil zein a kapara” not always is it natural to say when you are the one suffering but its important to bury it in your heart and mind. and NEVER judge someone else who is going through things. as I am typing this my music is playing on my computer and I just chopped that the song its playing is “al tisyaesh- do not give up hope! afilu cherev chada munachas al tzavaro shel adam… even if a sword is on your throat don’t give up….” We never know when Hashem may have rachamim and we have to daven from our yesurim and thank Hashem for the kapara…

Thank you for the Chizuk!! 

Re: I want to fail.... 11 Feb 2021 17:45 #363172

  • בינוני
  • Current streak: 11 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 117
  • Karma: 9
Breakingthehabit,

Hey, another BT here! First I’d like to say that Hashem loves you. He is proud of you that in spite of everything, you came back to derech Hashem. I feel your struggle as I’m living w my secular family rn and I’m always exposed to the secular shtus. Feel free to private message me if you want. Hatzlocha!
My thread: Let's get this party started

Who the heck is Benoni?


Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow. -Gerald Vaughan

Re: I want to fail.... 12 Feb 2021 13:59 #363232

  • Captain
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 274
  • Karma: 15
Hi Breakingthehabit,

If you're feeling a lack of emotion in your avodas Hashem, pleaseplease check out Rabbi Shafier's shmuzes (www.theshmuz.com or on The Shmuz app). They have been a game-changer for me. Literally saved my life and my avodas Hashem many times. He has speeches on almost every topic and they're great! Check it out! And also read the Living Emunah books by Rabbi David Ashear. (Available in any Jewish bookstore or on Amazon. And you can sign up for his daily 5 minute email on www.livingemunah.com.)

(If you have any specific emunah questions please pm me as I could probably find you something that discusses what you're interested in.)

Also, please check out this great book (/ ebook) that will give you great chizzuk: Thefavorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation . It teaches the right perspective on this battle.

​And definitely please share more about what has worked for you!

Looking forward to hearing more from you.
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Last Edit: 14 Feb 2021 14:05 by Captain. Reason: Fixed link for The Battle of the Generation

Re: I want to fail.... 12 Feb 2021 18:26 #363243

  • breakingthehabit
  • Current streak: 1994 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Junior Boarder
  • עָזְרֵנִי אֵל חַי לְהַכְנִיעַ, אֶת יֵצֶר הַמְפַתֶּה הַמֵּרִיעַ.
  • Posts: 29
  • Karma: 2
Captain wrote on 12 Feb 2021 13:59:
Hi Breakingthehabit,

If you're feeling a lack of emotion in your avodas Hashem, pleaseplease check out Rabbi Shafier's shmuzes (www.theshmuz.com or on The Shmuz app). They have been a game-changer for me. Literally saved my life and my avodas Hashem many times. He has speeches on almost every topic and they're great! Check it out! And also read the Living Emunah books by Rabbi David Ashear. (Available in any Jewish bookstore on on Amazon. And you can sign up for his daily 5 minute email on www.livingemunah.com.)

(If you have any specific emunah questions please pm me as I could probably find you something that discusses what you're interested in.)

Also, please check out this great book (/ ebook) that will give you great chizzuk: The Battle of the Generation guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. It teaches the right perspective on this battle.

​And definitely please share more about what has worked for you!

Looking forward to hearing more from you.

Thank you Captain! I will definitely look into both! the link to the book didn't work, are you sure it is the right one?

Have a great Shabbos!

Re: I want to fail.... 14 Feb 2021 14:01 #363293

  • Captain
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 274
  • Karma: 15
I don't know why but it's not working for me either. Could be the app ate part of the link (app has been giving me lots of problems).

Try this link: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

(Update: This link is working now. And I fixed the link in the old post. I don't know why it wasn't working.)
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/
Last Edit: 14 Feb 2021 14:04 by Captain.
  • Page:
  • 1
Time to create page: 0.50 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes