Hello,
It has been a long time since I have posted... I apologize that this a long and detailed  post. I am mostly talking to myself at loud and I appreciate the opportunity to be able to do so.
Quick recap of my history- Yeshivia style man in my 40s. Was involved for many years in all the bad stuff(phone sex,virtual girl friends,porn,masturbation etc. Basically anything that wasn't physically in person- I have done it). BH for a variety of reasons for the past few years I have cleaned up my act for the most part. I joined GYE a little over a year ago to finally get rid of the last vestiges of my issues.It was a very successful experience for a while (over 100 day streak). Overall it was a very positive experience. You can read through this thread and other postings I have made on GYE for more details. For the past long while though I have not been doing well. In a certain way I am finding it more challenging to avoid my current behaviors (searching for any explicit youtube videos and the like that somehow I can get by my filter and similar ideas often w/masturbation. Not a daily thing but often enough.) than when I was much more heavily and emotionally involved. I have been kinda taking it easy, maybe because it is not an all consuming behavior and I am BH for the most part living a good life.I am not excusing my behavior at all. Just trying to see why I can't just let go already!
I recently heard a speech from R Simcha Bunim Cohen about the latest situation in Ukraine. It is an amazing,clear and powerful drasha (Can be found on The lakewood scoop). He was pushing that everyone should take something on as a way of showing Hashem we are doing Teshuva. At first,I was thinking through various more public,typical ideas and then it hit me like a ton of bricks! This doesn't have to be something typical or public...This has to be something that you and Hashem know is a major issue that needs to be worked on. I was mekabel to get back and be more involved in GYE and really working on being clean. Do I have a real plan yet? No. But my first step is no leisure use of any internet after midnight. That is my main (and currently really my only) time and place that I having real trouble. BeH I hope to here more often.
Thank you to each and everyone of you that posts or is a part of GYE. You guys are amazing and really give me so much chizuk.

Lou wrote on 27 Feb 2022 17:14:

Welcome (back)!
GYE needs people like you to keep on oiling the wheels and helping so many others in these incredible challenging times. 
Thank you!

Thank you for your post. I think it is very important that you not just commit to staying off the Internet after midnight but also to replace it with something else. If you used that time to relax before you went to sleep you need to find something else to take its place. This could be music exercise learning etc. Whatever works for you, just plan in advance. Personally I make sure to read a chapter of the battle of the generation each night…
Hatzlocha and welcome back.

Welcome back! You were very helpful to the chevra in the past with your excellent posts. Please continue giving sound advice and chizuk.

Lou wrote on 27 Feb 2022 17:14:

I love that line. In my opinion, with honesty, every individual is the expert for themselves on what it is that needs work and teshuvah. I wish you great hatzlochoh!

BH my renewed kaballah bln has been going very well! I am so happy that I was really able to pinpoint where my main weakness currently has been stemming from. In all honesty I knew this for a while and have either ignored it or  made similar kaballos in the past,but I feel this is more practical. I am not ready yet to move on to a next step,but will beH keep going with what I am doing.
Thank you Hashem and all of you wonderful people.

I am restarting my count... major slip up. Not sure if considered a fall but figured I would restart for my own clarity. In all honesty,at this point I am really just using the count as a minor tool and not really aiming towards 90 or any other number. However,I do think it is a very useful tool for some people and somewhat helpful for almost anyone.
Hatzlocha to all

Lou wrote on 08 Mar 2022 22:32:

You have no idea how much you have helped and help by just by being you. Continued hatzlocha!!

I wanted to share a conundrum  (I think that is the right word!)that I have been having for the past long while. Although I am in a way better place than I was years ago,I am not out of the woods yet regarding the issues that GYE is here for. I benefit greatly when I come here and I have much to grow. However, I was finding that I simply don't have the time to devote to reading through the threads and responding,posting etc. What was was stranger about that was that I seemed to find ample time to devote to viewing inappropriate material etc etc.
What I have come to realize is that (like all human beings) I have my Yetzer tov times and my Yetzer Hara times. When I am in YT mode I am encouraged to devote my time to living my life and engage in learning,work,family time etc and not to "waste" my time online even on GYE.. When I am in YH mode I have very little interest in checking out GYE and will go to other sites. BH,the bulk of my day is spent on the first option,however I need to solve the YH mode as well. That leaves in an ok spot but not really so ok.
I hope this post made sense and I am wondering if anyone can relate to this or has any ideas?
Thanks

Lou wrote on 03 Apr 2022 19:56:

This is very common and relatable. 
The key is to prepare in the YT mode from when we'll be in the YH mode.

"להזהיר גדולים על הקטנים" : "להזהיר גדולים" פי׳ בשעה שהם בגדלות, "על הקטנים שישארו בקדושתם אף שיהיו בקטנות
נועם אלימלך/פרשת אמור

When you are in YH mode, do you have a support team? 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 05 Apr 2022 11:18:

I want to write a long winded detailed answer about my plan for YH time. However,the short,true and embarrassing answer is "No".

Lou wrote on 28 Apr 2022 22:16:

So let's get to know some of the chevra here.... Come out of hiding....

How are you doing my dear friend?

Dude watup?