We are all aware of the harms of p*****graphy both spiritually and pyschologically. I have heard mental health professionals says that when someone over indulges in a destructive behavior, whether its alcohol, gambling, p*** etc. it is often a symptom of another greater problem. So while it is great people like us are helping each other end usage, pehaps is also important to see what led us to it in the first place. Is it a way of dealing with depression? Is it just a sexual outlet? Even when one does sucessful "remain clean" does that mean that all the problems go away?

While I am now married, this problem started when I was a bochur. I had been clean for several years, but being 28 and single and living with the uncertainty of when I would ever find my zivog became too great of a nisayon. It became too much to have to restrain my sexual urges, especially for an undetermined amount of time. So that is when I relapsed. Without going into all the details I have been through ups and downs over the years. There is a great need to help bochurs navigate their sexuality in a way thats healthy while also faithful to halacha. 
I would like to hear what some of you think

Can someone please reply to this thread?!
I Don't feel I know what to write here, but when a fellow Yid cries for help we can't just keep silent.
Thanks

I think it could be something different for every person. With most addictions there is some underlying pain that the person is trying to avoid and cover up by indulging. It could be something very painful, or it could even be the pain that the person feels he is not becoming what he could be or wanted to be. It could be more minor stresses, but the person becomes accustomed to reacting by indulging, and he is used to using his addiction as a pacifier for the pain.
Then there are triggers. A person might be more susceptible to indulging when he is hungry or tired or at a certain time or when something happens that reminds him of his addiction. Things can happen that awaken his addictive feelings. (Triggers are not the root cause of the addiction, but they make it harder to get out of it.)
But with this addiction in particular, I feel like there's also more of the opportunity for a person to just be very tempted until he starts giving in on a regular basis. And then it's very hard to get out of. This is a natural temptation for all healthy males.
So to summarize, I think that with this addiction there definitely are people that are using it to cover up and underlying issue in their lives, while there are otherothers who just fell in and struggle since.
​What do you think it is for you?
I'm also curious to hear others' thoughts.

simpleJew66 wrote on 15 Dec 2020 11:05:

What do you mean by “Navigate”?
Meaning, there is a natural sexual drive within Man.
The Torah has halachos for when, how, and with whom it may be expressed.
So if ur talking about a “kosher outlet” before marrige, there doesn’t seem to be one.
Granted, the Torah is Tavlin, and one can channel the drive/emotion through Torah, tefillin, chesed...

But it seems the natural expression of this drive can only be expressed in its entirety by marrige.

Now, if by “Navigate” u mean to teach guys that these feelings are normal, that they’re not evil etc, then I hear.

If u can elaborate it would be much appreciated.

Thanks,

YeshivaGuy

Captain, well answered. Yes, you're right its a natural temptation for all healthly males. We just have to learn to control it. I ended up here by succumbing to temptation. 

YeshivaGuy, yes there is no "kosher outlet" outside of marriage. What I meant was help them deal with their sexuality (and frustration) on a psychological level even though they cannot act on it. So yes, there should be a normalization of sexual feelings. Also, help them find ways to channel it. Spirituality doesnt help everyone channel it. Im not a therapist, but some guys may need to do something physical such as swimming or playing music

While it is our duty as Jewish men to be married, it is very short sighted (and potentially dangerous) to see it as a cure-all for our sexual drive

Yup! Agree 100%
The question would be how to go about discussing it. I can’t imagine in some of the Yeshivas here Rebbium getting up and speaking about it...
You’re def right. I’m just uncertain how we would go about this

simpleJew66 wrote on 17 Dec 2020 13:59:

I don't want to sound overly lofty here but give me a chance and give this a little though before blasting me off the face of the earth.

On a deeper level our drive for sexuality comes from an ingrained need to create and give to others. I think that (and I found this to actually work) putting effort into building relationships and working on becoming a real giving person are things that really bring happiness to a person and help curb the desire to act out sexually. 

So yes, for some, spirituality does not work but I think what you mean is learning and davening. Things like connection, long term relationships and giving on the other hand, bring satisfaction to everyone. Yes it's true exercise, hobbies and things like that are great and important, but I think the focus of a persons life has to be outside himself, some sort of agenda for others and he will find a large part of his desires satisfied.

And yes, it also helps to study a little about our purpose in this world and the role that physical pleasure plays within that. Clarity in what our life's goals should be and what we should and shouldn't be chasing is fundamental in this area. 

Oh, and this will also help tremendously for marriage.