Lou wrote on 06 Dec 2020 21:24:
Hello Brothers,
I have been having a thought recently and I am wondering if this ever occurs to others. In our quest for tumah at times we end up also getting caught up with the society part of it as well. In other words if i watch a certain youtube personality,i come there for the tumah but I end up being interested in the latest video and news about them. (Note,I am trying to keep my words regarding this as parve as possible to avoid any triggering or anything like that,therefore I might sound a little vague). As I am working on getting clean,I sometimes think wow! will I never see that again?? Will I never see ..... person again? Will I never see this genre of video again? There are more examples but you get the idea.and it can get overwhelming. I know the answer is just take one day at a time but just wanted to share this feeling with you all.
The point you are raising has loads of truth to it. I know exactly how you feel. As people know over here, and you can read it in my thread I was an insane regular movie addict. Watching at all hours of the night sometimes a few movies a day while keeping a normal schedule, which means I'd very often be up till 5:00 a.m. and only stop, because I would feel really stupid if my wife woke up and caught me again watching the whole night. I initially wanted to stop for a while (90 days) to break the addiction, mainly because it was taking over my life and getting out of hand, but after joining GYE and reading a little of the handbook, I learned what an impact it had on my lust levels. I realized that it may have to be longer term i.e. forever?!?
When I read that article explaining how if one wants to completely eradicate lust from his life, he must stop giving himself even the smallest tastes through movies etc. I literally laughed out loud and said to myself this ain't happening! There's no way in the world I am giving up my favorite pastime / addiction.
Well, that was my mind trying to comprehend something while it was entrenched in it. Of course it seemed insurmountable. The key is to stop deciding how we will feel in a month or two based on the way we feel now. As time goes on perspectives change (if we work on it properly). I am now heading towards 5 months of not watching anything alone, sometimes kosher stuff with wife, but no more of those...you know what I mean. Do I miss it yes! Is it a battle sometimes? Absolutely! But at the same time I have such a great appreciation for being clean and for the difference it has made in my lust levels. (And bedroom life actually, no more emulating false news in real life). So it's very much not the same battle anymore.
So yes, right now you cannot understand giving up certain parts of what you do, but that is with today's emotions and understanding. Stop looking so far in the past without taking into account the changes that will happen within and the perspectives that will begin to shift throughout this period of tremendous growth.
This is what we call ODAAT. It's not just a cliche. It's fundamental.
Grant
