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Mental Health and Marriage
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Mental Health and Marriage 5541 Views

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 08 Jan 2021 08:45 #360869

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i just went to simchashachiam.com and saw that they have some program that you can get free downloads if you listen 10 minutes a day ,im not so sure of the details ,check it out. hatzlacha again!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 17 Jan 2021 18:51 #361454

Hi guys. I just passed the three month mark for no pornography. Yay! I'm still having a really hard time with masturbating though. I spoke to my therapist and he said that it shouldn't really affect my mood much. When I told this over to my friend, he told me that for some reason, Jews are different, and it affects our moods in a way that doesn't happen to others. I've been plagued by anxiety recently, so I've been trying hard to stop. I've had some success, but I can't seem to reach that one week mark. 

In other news, I started dating a new girl. The first date went way better than last time. She seems like an unbelievable person, so I'm happy about that, and she said that she felt like she was able to be herself around me, which she doesn't usually experience. But I still have that feeling that things won't work out, and I just can't explain it. I think I'm not used to good things happening, so I'm always waiting for the other foot to drop. Also, it seems that she makes a lot of money, is an insane doer, and I feel...jealous?...intimidated?...insecure? I wish these feelings would go away; I want to feel comfortable and confident around her. I think she's a really great girl, and it would be so amazing if this worked out. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 17 Jan 2021 18:58 #361455

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So happy to hear that things are looking up for you!!
And about the dating, as my friends say, “if it’s the right one- it should go fast. If it’s the wrong one-even quicker”
#הצלחה רבה!!!!

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 17 Jan 2021 19:49 #361459

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 17 Jan 2021 18:51:
In other news, I started dating a new girl. The first date went way better than last time. She seems like an unbelievable person, so I'm happy about that, and she said that she felt like she was able to be herself around me, which she doesn't usually experience. But I still have that feeling that things won't work out, and I just can't explain it. I think I'm not used to good things happening, so I'm always waiting for the other foot to drop. Also, it seems that she makes a lot of money, is an insane doer, and I feel...jealous?...intimidated?...insecure? I wish these feelings would go away; I want to feel comfortable and confident around her. I think she's a really great girl, and it would be so amazing if this worked out. 

My opinion?

Talk it over with a rebbe.
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 17 Jan 2021 19:55 #361460

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 17 Jan 2021 18:51:
 I'm still having a really hard time with masturbating though. I spoke to my therapist and he said that it shouldn't really affect my mood much. 

Not quite sure where he got that from. When we masturbate our brains are flooded with dopamine, to the point where there is too much so we are actually killing off receptors. The result is it takes even more dopamine to give us that happy feeling, hence why we turn to different types of porn. Masturbating, at least for me, makes me more short tempered and get less satisfaction out of things. Scientifically this is because our brains are craving that rush of dopamine. Same thing for when we try to quit. Our brains are waiting for that dopamine and start to go a little crazy.

As for dating, I have the same feelings, it's normal. When a date goes well my anxiety skyrockets because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. As far as feeling intimidated by her, take it slow. You've been on one date. Get to know each other. If she is for you you'll feel her respect your good qualities. (Btw, I also get concerned about feeling intimidated by a potential date's accomplishments--also normal;) )
נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 18 Jan 2021 00:11 #361469

Thank you so much. Really good to know I'm not alone!

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 18 Jan 2021 12:27 #361492

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 17 Jan 2021 18:51:
Hi guys. I just passed the three month mark for no pornography. 

You are a hero!!
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 18 Jan 2021 14:29 #361502

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On the dating front, please also keep in mind that Hashem has already chosen the right one for you, as is clear from the Gemara Sotah 2a and Mo'ed Koton 18b. (Read them for chizuk in this.) No one can tell you how many times "the other foot will drop," and of course you always have to try your hardest and make the best decision. But when the right one comes along, nothing will get in the way. And it's not based on merit either, so don't worry about that. (Also please check out the last piece in Vayechi in Darash Moshe from Rav moshe Feinstein in the front section of the sefer for more on this. I will try to post a picture but i'm having technical difficulties posting on the app.)
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 19 Jan 2021 18:07 #361568

I just got dumped. The reason was really bizarre. I looked like the husband of her best friend who stopped talking to her after she got married, and it was too painful for her. You can't make this stuff up. My Rebbi and therapist both thought it was very strange. It stinks, because she was probably the best girl I ever dated. We also shared many similarities. The urge to look up women is so so strong now. Baruch Hashem I stayed clean last night, but I think the next day or two is going to be a real white-knuckle. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 19 Jan 2021 19:03 #361573

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That is extremely bizarre.

If that is the reason she came up with, it's obvious she isn't your bashert.


Keep strong!
Don't give up!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 19 Jan 2021 19:20 #361574

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Wow, I really feel for you. Ashrecha that you stayed strong!!!

Concerning her reason for turning you down, I can totally relate(ish). I once applied to a certain yeshiva, and I got rejected for the most shallow reasons (they actually made no sense). I ended up going to a different place, and that worked out incredibly. So although it is hard to accept at first (and it really is, I got you), just know that you did your best and Hashem had better plans. 
Stay strong and keep posting!!

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 19 Jan 2021 20:52 #361577

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 19 Jan 2021 18:07:
I just got dumped. The reason was really bizarre. I looked like the husband of her best friend who stopped talking to her after she got married, and it was too painful for her. You can't make this stuff up. My Rebbi and therapist both thought it was very strange. It stinks, because she was probably the best girl I ever dated. We also shared many similarities. The urge to look up women is so so strong now. Baruch Hashem I stayed clean last night, but I think the next day or two is going to be a real white-knuckle. 

Imagine she would say that you don't look like her friend's husband and go forward with you. 

Hashem Yerachem! 
What does a GUN and LUST have in common? 
Remove the trigger, you remove their power. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 21 Jan 2021 17:53 #361688

Just had a fall. Did three days of  no motzi zera and then I went into the fire (I started touching thinking that I wasn't actually going to do it) and I came out burnt. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 21 Jan 2021 21:36 #361695

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Three days of mesiras nefesh that are yours forever. Let's do that again buddy.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 22 Jan 2021 03:45 #361711

I'm now my brother in law's house with an unfiltered device and my urges are BURNING. My mind is throwing everything at me. Here are the reasons to fail.
1. You did this for three months already and it hasn't helped. You still want it as much as you did back then. Just give in.
2. Let's be honest. You were doing this as a way to help your marriage, and as a zechus to get married. You're not there after all that. Not even close. You keep on going out and going out, and you just don't connect to all these girls . It's not going to happen. Just give in.
3. The topic of your thread is mental health and marriage. Has this helped your mental health at all? You still have anxiety. You still have really low self-esteem. You still feel hopeless. Just give in.
4. You want this so badly. You're not getting it any other way. It'll feel really good, and it will actually make you happy. It hurts so much to fight. You feel so empty without it. Why deprive yourself? You deserve it. You see so many posts of people that fall, and guess what, nothing happens to them. You'll be fine. Just give in.

Right now, it makes so much sense to. I don't even hear the counter-arguments. BUT I'M NOT GIVING IN.
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