i'm going out now, possibly to meet some fellow fun humans, (and do some crazy stuff), for the first time in some many weeks that i've not had any meaningful human interaction and socialization. i don't want to do it, for real.

i just feel as if i'm in solitary confinment and this is the only way to get out for some relief.

This might help you...

How To Do a Real Fall

This post is for those who are thinking about falling. It will explain how to do a full, complete, genuine fall. Now make sure you read all the directions before you have your fall. Don't cut corners!

https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/how-to-do-a-real-fall

It's really difficult to be boxed up. It's ok to feel that you are and you're amazing for posting about how you feel.
However, acting out won't make you feel less boxed up - falling only makes you fell like you have less control of your life. When you surrender lust, the relinquishing of control is actually empowering yourself. There are other ways to truly connect with people - acting out only fosters disconnection, which won't provide what you're really looking for. You owe it to yourself to find genuine connection. Spend time with someone you really love or do something else positive. You'll feel like a million bucks!