BH was a solid day today. I made(in my eyes) a big step today. After being on GYE for quite a while I finally made my first phone call to a member. I was extremely nervous to do it until now and even was nervous to do it before but BH it went amazing. HUGE thanks to "hashem help me" for taking the time(a long time) to speak and bzh it should be the beginning of a successful and productive relationship. 
Dont have much time tonight so gonna do a small piece
Continuing in the 3rd tool: Ingredients for long term shmiras eiynayim Mekadesh(its a acrynom) 
M-Machlit/Make a desicion
After sitting down and dahering(understanding) how bad porn is for you [{(quick recap- 1) unimaginable damage to relationship with your wife- the person who your gonna live life with... the person who your gonna experience countless amount of years with... oy to jeopardize that (thanks to @hashem help me) 2) relationship with hashem 3) feeling of emptiness when your finished 4) lack of control over yourself(inability to do things you really want to do) just to name a few)} ] make the firm decision I WANT/NEED TO STOP. I don't want poison. 

BH today was a busy day, so another clean day. That gives me a week. BZH to many many more.
One thing I'm noticing thats a little different than my clean streaks in the past(and stam even when I was falling), when I do go outside I find my eyes wandering more than usual. Until now Ive never struggled SO badly in the streets(whether I was clean or watching porn). It was always something in the back of my head. But now, I think because I'm really focusing on beating it and not watching porn, my eyes are more "aware" of their surroundings outside. BH I have been able to keep it in check and more or less avoid that 2nd glance, but it was never like this.

Wrote a long response and lost it.... Here is a short recap:

The subconscious is not so happy at your decision to provide these "pleasures" to your mind and body. It rebels when it has some control - sleep time or "space out" time. Hence, the noticing of triggering sights as you casually walk down the street when being not particularly focused on anything specific. Ignore it and it will iyh recede. As you wrote, it is the second look that is assur. Noticing is not included in "v'lo sasuru".  What you are experiencing is normal and to be expected. Hatzlocha!

Continuing in the 3rd tool: Ingredients for long term shmiras eiynayim Mekadesh(its a acronym)
K- Knas
​Unfortunately inspiration fades. What we felt so strongly, starts slowly becoming a memory. And lust is a beast. Never gives up. Waiting on that opportunity to jump us. But BH we always remember the value of $. Or pain. Or the lack something good that we're used to. Thats the idea of knas. You may begin thinking "oh i can get away with that look" or "the 2nd look was really "by mistake""(we've all been there lol). A knas can keep you in check. Nope you cant get away with that. Pay up. Or flick that rubber band. Or whatever works.
D- Daven
Pray. Always pray. No further explanation needed.
SH- SHmira
Even with everything else in place, if were surrounded by triggers we're battling a uphill battle. Be shomer and be aware. Make sure to be careful what your going to be watching or the potential dangers of where your going.

@HHM thanks, kind of a relief knowing it'll subdue eventually, cause it's  getting annoying. Like I'd be spazing out a bit, then all of a sudden my heads turning around and I'm like- wow, hold up. When did I start looking at that? I'd like to walk in the street without being challenged every 2 seconds. Also I guess stam, with the weather getting better I gotta be more careful outside.

battle-of-the-gen wrote on 28 May 2020 03:40:

Yup. Chazal tell us the rule of :Ika darka achrina". If there is a choice, we are mechuyav to walk on the path/street/ that is more tzanua.

For all the FJJ(Flatbush Jewish Journal)  readers out there, if you look closely at the letters to the editors section(in todays edition) you'll see a message from yours truly.  
It was something I always wanted to send, finally sat down and did it. 

BH shavous was nice, and stayed clean through it(I think that't 10 days or something, but who's counting;) )  I think for the most part I don't mast if I don't have(or see) porn(there are some exceptions). So generally when I don't have access to technology, I usually go clean. Which leads to sometimes if I'm on a bad streak, shabbos or yom tov is a good time to reflect and realize whats going on and try to get back on track. 
Shmiras eiynim was a challenge as always, esp during shavous when just more "people" are out and about and the weather is nice, but bh for the most part I fought hard.
Its hard because I really want to go out and get some fresh air, move my legs a bit, but its a minefield out there. Was shmuzing with a GYEer and we came out that these streets(even jewish areas) can be worse than Harlem. We get "shootings" on every corner and the people firing the shots don't even know the harm they're causing. 

In other news, seems like the chat system is down, not sure why but I believe its because they are upgrading it. At least they plan on updating it sometime in the near future(as per MenachemGYE).
The GYE handbook continues with some tips on shmiras eiynamim:
1) The 3 second rule- 3 steps- 1)alert- Realize whats happening and that you prob shouldnt be looking there. 2)Avert- Stop looking(look away) 3) Affirm- Give yourself a pat on the back and say well done! You just made BANK in the next world. 
2) Small goals- We know our areas of struggle and Rome wasn't built in one day so slowly start attacking small areas(dont walk in this area, when you walk here only look down or think of a dvar torah etc)
​3) Develop the right attitude- It's ALL about knowing what your doing and why your doing it. GYE book goes quickly through some.
a- When you see it you want it. And you cant have it. So dont make yourself crazy and see it and want it; just avoid the whole sich in first place and you'l feel so much better
b- By not looking, it hurts(we want to look). So does a surgery. It hurts buts a healing pain. 
c- We are a little weird. We got a yetzer in us that can make us feels things which aren't really us. So that pain we feel by not looking, is us beating the garbage out of him. Smile, you're winning.
d- Its all an out air ballon allusion that our imagination lights up. And pop. So not worth it. 
e- Hasem gave us an amazing gift- eyes. Irreplaceable. Invaluable. And your gonna take it look and lust away. Against His will?

battle-of-the-gen wrote on 31 May 2020 05:45:

chat is down, cant update my 90 day, the system thought my thread was a womans topic.........., hope everything works sooner than later

Hashem is testing us to see if we can continue on keeping strong even when GYE chat it temporarily down... 

Meyer M. wrote on 31 May 2020 06:52:

Can't update my 90 days either, but at least my thread isnt a women's topic lol... If u wanna chat, hit me up @ boftheg1@gmail.com (email or hangouts)

BH another day in the books. Quite uneventful in terms of anything threatening coming up. No complaints on that bh. I am working on my first contract/knas for unfiltered devices; bzh that will be ready soon and another step towards long term cleanliness. 
The GYE HB continuous in tools for long term shmiras eiynaim. 
Letting Go of Lust- The world is full of triggers and temptations. So it's going to be tough battle every corner- I want to look but I really don't wanna look. So the real trick is letting go of lust all-together. 
So to be honest this sounds like a great tool, I'm just not sure how it works. If we were able to let go of it, we would.(Also depending on the translation of lust, it can get real ugly if you really let go of it totally). So if anyone can enlighten me, I'd appreciate it. 
And the last tip for shiras eiynayim is DAILY CHIZUK
I think this is HUGE. So much of the battle of GYE/porn/mast is done consciously, but so much of it is subconsciously. It's just the natural stirring of the mind that makes you really wanna jerk off, and eventually you just really need to do it. Daily chizuk, imo helps on both fonts. It obviously helps on the conscious level- on days that were struggling and feeling weak, it gives us that boost to get at it. But I'd like to venture to say that even on clean days or seemingly easy days, that you feel like you don't need the chizuk, that daily dose has its affect sub consciously and helps keep those stirrings at bay. It makes it harder for that beast in you to rear its head. I may be wrong, but this is what I think. 

battle-of-the-gen wrote on 01 Jun 2020 05:25:

Very well said.

BH another day in the books and clean(I think). I did have a little scare though.
I was scrolling through news, pics and vids of the protests/looters(craziness) on twitter which I have been doing for the past couple of days w/o issue, and some stupid account posted an inappropriate pic. It flashed in front of my eyes for a 1/4 second and I quickly scrolled up and exed the page out. Its just annoying bec I tried so hard for almost two weeks not to see anything remotely close to that level of promiscuity and bam. Just dropped in front of me. Ik I probably shouldn't use non jewish sites for news(esp twitter), and bzh I'll put a extra effort not to. Dont think it's a long term issue bec in general I'm not such a news guy, but whats happening now is next level.
I wasn't going to mention it bec it was so short and quick but I just thought I have to be honest with what happens and this was the situation. Would this be considered a fall?