So, I have been working hard and now can go about 7-8 days avoiding sin. (As oppsed to an average of 3-4 days till recently). Then the urge just builds up and I cannot ignore it. I don't have anyone or anything that can distract me. I go another 2-3 days fighting it but I just don't have anything really exciting going on in my life and I end up sinning.

Usually after a few days of being clean I feel spiritually more connected and I'm able to focus relatively more on spiritual persuits like davening and learning. But the first two or three days I feel dirty and I end shirking prayers and torah learning. Even after a few days when I am focusing on torah and mitzvos I feel conflicted. I ask myself: Is Hashem interested in our work?

In Yishaya chapter 1, posuk 4-... ,  the Navi says (in the name of Hashem):



I feel like Hashem is not interested in sinners.

We should not be harder on ourselves than our loving Father Who made the rules. If we mess up, we should give ourselves a pat on the back for working so hard and then plan how to get back on the right track. Then we should regret our mistake, do teshuva to clean it up, and move on. No matter what happens, we must remember that although our battles are tough, they are also opportunities to succeed and reach greatness.

You must never forget that Hashem loves you despite your sins. No matter how badly you fall, Hashem still cares about you. He never gets angry with you, no matter how badly you fall and sin.

Perhaps if you look at it, not as sin, but as a dis-ease you are struggling with, you will have a different perspective. You can pick out Pesukim all you want, but at the end of every Haftorah there are hopeful messages, that despite out shortcomings, Hashem is there to accept us.  Sheva Yipol Tzaddick V'Kum.  A Tzaddick falls seven times and gets up. That's the definition of a Tzaddick.  He gets up after falling.  A Rosho is someone who never gets up and keeps falling into the abyss. Hashem created Teshuva because He knew we would fall. 
The question to ask yourself is, "what is missing in my life that the only thing I can fill up my spare time with is porn?"  Or video games, or sports? When you live in the present, not reliving your past and not worrying about the future (Emunah, that GD is in charge), you can stay sober. 
Let me know what you think. 

@DavidT
But hashem is clearly saying about sinners that he's not interested in them. How do you explain the pesukim?

@Elya K
but according to the rambam teshuvah means promising to not sin again, and I can't do that. I can try to avoid sinning for an amount of time, but being truthful and realistic with myself I know that I really do want do certain things that hashem doesn't want us to do, but I'm just avoiding doing it for periods of time. 

I can't seem to reconcile the pesukim in torah that speak of sinners. How can we go thru life sinning here and there and then just wake up the next and make believe like nothing happened?

farblunjet wrote on 21 Apr 2020 16:12:

Even within the words of Chazal,  there seem to be various contradictions. There are some ma’amarei Chazal that give hope and chizuk, while others discuss the negativity and punishments. Obviously there are no real contradictions in Chazal, and all of their words are true. However, the point being made here is that just as one needs a Rebbi to teach him how to understand a sugya in Shas, so, too, must one have a Rebbi to understand this sugya in hashkafah.

Also, anything written in sefarim pertaining to this topic was done with one intention in mind: to get a person to stop his bad behaviors.

Take a look in Sefer Tomer Devorah to get a true perspective on our true relationship with Hashem.

​Here is one excerpt.. 

הָאחת - מִי אֵל כָמוךָ מורֶה עּל הֱיות הב''ה מֶלֶךּ נֶעֱלּב, סובֵל עֶלּבון מּה שֶלֹא יּכִילֵהו רּעּיון. הֲרֵי אֵין דָבָר נִסּתָר מֵהּשּגָחָתו בּלִי סָפֵק, וּעוד אֵין רֶגּע שֶלֹא יִהּיֶה הָאדָם נִזון ומִתּקּיֵם מִכֹחּ עֶלּיון הּשופֵעּ עָלָיו, וּהֲרֵי תִמּצָא שֶמֵעולָם לֹא חָטָא אדָם נֶגּדו שֶלֹא יִהּיֶה הוא בּאותו הָרֶגּע מּמָש שופֵעּ עליו שֶפּע קִיומו ותּנועּת אֵבָרָיו, ועִם הֱיות שֶהָאדָם חֹטֵא בּכֹחּ הּהוא לֹא מּנָעו מִמֶנו כּלָל אֶלָא סבל הב''ה עֶלּבון כָזֶה לִהּיות מּשּפִיעּ בו כֹחּ תּנועת אֵבָרָיו, וּהוא מוצִיאן אותו כֹחּ בּאותו רֶגּע בּחֵטּא וּעָון ומּכּעִיס וּהב''ה סובֵל. וּלֹא תֹאמּר שֶאֵינו יָכול לִמּנועּ מִמֶנו הּטוב הּהוא ח"ו שֶהֲרֵי בּכֹחו בּרֶגּע כּמֵימּרָה לּיּבֵש יָדָיו וּרּגּלָיו כּעֵין שֶעָשָה לּיָרָבּעָם, וּעִם כָל זֹאת שֶהּכֹחּ בּיָדו לּהּחּזִיר הּכֹחּ הּנִשּפָע הּהוא וּהָיָה לו לומּר כֵיוָן שֶאתָה חֹטֵא נֶגּדִי תֶחֱטָא בּשֶלּךָ לֹא בּשֶלִי, לא תחטא נגדי, לֹא מִפּנֵי זֶה מָנּע טובו מִן הָאדָם אֶלָא 34 סָבּל עֶלּבון, וּהִשּפִיעּ הּכֹחּ וּהֵטִיב לּאדָם טובו. הֲרֵי זֶה עֶלּבון וּסּבּלָנות מּה שֶלֹא ישוער וּעּל זֶה קורּאִים מּלּאֲכֵי הּשָרֵת לּהב''ה מֶלֶךּ עָלוב וּהּיּנו אומּרו מִי אֵל כָמוךָ, אתָה אֵל בּעּל חֶסֶד הּמֵטִיב, אֵל בּעּל כֹחּ לִנּקֹם וּלֶאֱסֹף אֶת שֶלּךָ, וּעִם כָל זֹאת אתָה סובֵל וּנֶעֱלָב עּד יָשוב בִתּשובָה. הֲרֵי זו מִדָה שֶצָרִיךּ הָאדָם לּהִתּנּהֵג בָה רּצונִי הּסּבּלָנות וּכֵן הֱיותו נֶעֱלּב אֲפִלו לּמּדּרֵגָה זו וּעִם כָל זֹאת לֹא יֶאֱסֹף טובָתו מִן הּמּקּבֵל

Hey there,

I just want to share with you something from a really good book I read called "Teshuvah Through Recovery" by Rabbi Twerski where he really explains how we can change and grow into better people. 
The whole book is gold but I just want to quote one relevant paragraph (p.21).
"Sins do not occur in a vacuum. A person sins if he is at a low level of spirituality that allows that sin to occur. Rambam is saying that confessing the sin, regretting having sinned, and promising not to repeat it is not yet adequate teshuvah. A person must improve his spiritual status so that it will be impossible for him to repeat the sin. Teshuvah is complete when one has undergone a spiritual elevation to the point where he can say truthfully 'I am not the same person who sinned. I am a different person'"

Teshuva doesn't mean promising anything. Teshuvah is defined as "returning to the path that leads towards perfection (in our relationship with G-d)". Teshuvah means to return, not to promise or regret or commit etc. these are all parts  of teshuvah but the essence of it.
Teshuvah means changing one day at a time as long as it takes to get there as long as we are on the right path.

@DavidT
@wilnevergiveup 
thanks. enlightening.

Rebbe Nachman of Breslev taught "If you believe you can destroy you must believe you can fix". 

​It took me a while to understand what Rabbeinu Zal was saying but I believe he was emphasizing that when we look at ourselves in relation to the Kadosh Baruch Hu we must realize that since He is perfect and lacks nothing, there is nothing that we can do for Him. He created this world simply to give us good because He is a meitiv. It seems to me that when one internalizes that everything is just a gift from Hashem to us then we can start to see our "sins" and "teshuva" in a different light. 

If we believe that we are so powerful that by sinning we have the ability to effect a change kaviyachol against the will of Hashem then by force we must say we are just as powerful to repair the damage again kaviyachol against the will of Hashem. 

The trick of the yetzer harah is to convince us that we have the power to damage this world with our mistakes but that we are powerless to effect positive change. While he may be very persuasive the premise is totally ridiculous. 

All that is to say, Hashem loves you. He is constantly giving you everything in life and those of us who He chose to struggle with things like this are the most precious neshamot in His eyes. We are the ones whom he chose to place on the front lines in the most intense of battles. Are there casualties and injuries in war? Yes. But you still only send the best soldiers for the most important and dangerous of missions. 

I don't think Hashem is looking for you to return home unscathed. I think Hashem wants to see the battle scars knowing that in the end you won the battle even if it took a lifetime. 

Sorry for reviving the old thread, but the subject really interested me.
I think this is the haftorah from Rosh Chodesh right?
If I'm not mistaken it is speaking of "bad" frum people that existed at such times (unfortunately still exists). People who would put tefilin, keep shabbes, kosher, offer sacrifices, but were bad towards others. They would lie, cheat, steal and perhaps even shed blood which is a complete subversion of moral values. All the ritual mitzvos are intended for us to become better human beings. I think what the prophet is conveying in here is that G-d would much rather us be good people and not do his ritual mitzvos than the other way around. If all the goal of the ritual mitzvos are to make us better human beings and we become the exact opposite of that, then it sort of loses its value.
That being said, all the above is speaking about morality, human conduct, but not addiction, which is a disease.
I suppose G-d pities the sexaholic as much as he does the alcoholic. Are they to be punished for the extra drink they take? G-d want us to stop, but not because He is mad at us, but because He loves us and want us to lead a normal life. As much as He is not mad at a person with pneumonia, that would be ludicrous. But perhaps he could be mad at such person if he refused to recognize his sickness and refused to accept treatment. Even this "mad" sentiment would probably be a sort of sadness but not anger in the truest sense.

EDIT: Sorry just found it it's the haftorah for the Shabbos before Tisha b'Av, nevertheless I found a good source that coincides with what I have just said:https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/1904319/jewish/Profits-and-Prophets.htm

From today's Inspiration Daily email by Rabbi Spero:

In Yerushalayim Shel Ma'alah, the olden days of Yerushalayim, 'The Heavenly City', there was a great Tzadik, his name was Rav Nachum Yaffer. He was one of the most choshuva and prominent, beyond the chassidim. Well, he was born and grew up in Russia, and that's where he raised his family. And even though he was successful is raising all of his children in the proper path of Torah, he had one son who sadly, was taken in by the communists, and he went off the derech. Rav Nochum never spoke of his pain, and he never spoke of that child, because it pained him greatly. One time, a group was sitting around, and one of them mentioned the words of the Rambam: The Rambam in Hilchos Teshuva, the laws that discuss repentance, in the seventh chapter and halacha vav, the sixth law, the Rambam says, that after a person returns and repents from love, he becomes four things: 'an Ahuv, a Nechmad, a Karov and a Yedid', four beautifully close individuals to Hashem. How is that possible? Yesterday, he was dirty with sin, and he was someone who couldn't come close to Hashem, and now, in one second, he's considered to be a beloved, dear friend of Hashem? And at that moment, Rav Nochum spoke, and he said, "I can only imagine, if my son would walk through the door, and he would say, 'Tatty! Daddy! I'm leaving all of my bad ways; I'm coming back home!' How much love would I have for that child?!" Now, of course, a parent always loves a child, but how much more would that love increase, if the child said he's willing to come back home. That's the way Hashem feels when we are willing to do Teshuva. Hashem has such love for us, that he waits for every Jew to return to the proper path. And although Hashem loves every single Jewish individual, but when a child is ready to come back home, and abandon those terribly challenging ways, the love that Hashem will show for that child is indescribable.

Also listen to this amazing class from Rabbi Duvie Bensoussan: itorah.com/lecture/audio/rabbi-duvi-bensoussan/-the-life-of-elisha-ben-avuya-if-the-door-had-ever-been-closed-on-you-you-must-hear-this-shiur/13370/1

thsuva and charuteh means:  i regret that i did wrong... i should have done different... i am still a good person even though i fell into a bad place...i forgive myself for doing this... hashem please also forgive... i am still a pure holy jew...we need to take responsibility but not crush ourselves internally... that we are bad....
the inner crushing does more harm then the actual acting out... does this make sense to you?
 its important you should understand the difference between WHO you are and WHERE you are WHO you are ... you are a beautiful human being , a Cheileck Eloikei Mimaal... a pure neshama you are (probably) young and have long POSITIVE life ahead Where you are... you are now in place that you had a fall ... but that does not define WHO are you ... you are still the same wonderful person as before the fall... hashem loves you the same.. and he is waiting for your tefillah and torah.... 

@SnowFlake
no, don't be sorry. always interested in hearing more on this topic. the struggle ensues...