I have gone through stretches of ups and unfortunately many downs. I had been doing a little better recently, but last night i fell. Being Zos Chanuka and a very special day, I feel horrible and need some chizuk. I can't bear this anymore hiding from my family and then feeling horrible about it which in turn leads me to act terrible to my family because i feel uch..... Please help me get out of this mess before i completely fall apart....

wanttoshteig wrote on 30 Dec 2019 16:58:

Hi wanttoshteig
You should feel very good that you have already done the first step in the right direction by reaching out for help.To start , there are 2 things that I would recommend:First to start with identifying the pattern of your falls and create a plan to break that pattern.Then to look at the big picture to be able to come up with a solid plan how you'll be able to eventually be fully clean IY"H.Let's continue the conversation when you have a chance so we can try to figure things out and grow together as a group...

An interesting thing I've noticed, is that the last few times I fell happened to be on auspicious days. It seems that the Satan tries really hard to get you on days that really matter.

I agree with farblunjet.

As a percentage of my falls, a noticeable percentage of them have been on Shabbat or Yom Tovim.

It is no coincidence.

AAlways remember that litteraly every single person in this organization wants and is davening for your success so we're talking about thousands of people that are rooting for you just keep that in mind and stay strong!!appreciate every small step and recognize how awesome you are!!!!I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!