doingtshuva, I relate to this as well. I often feel a tremendous amount of anxiety during social gatherings. I even find going to shul to be a highly presuring situation, and for this reason I usually daven b'yechidus. The anxiety I feel from these type of situations is often the first dominoe in a series which leads to falling and using porn. I wish I had some advice to offer, but I don't. But I can say you're not the only one, there are others like you, and with Hashems help we'll all be matzliach. Glad to hear from your more recent post that you're handling your situation betterThank you for sharing,

I also use to find going to shul to be a highly pressuring situation, and for this reason I some times daven b'yechidus or in smaller shulls.

 

chancy wrote on 13 Feb 2023 17:24:

I’m dying to meet you and give you a HUG!!! Same to all my other loving brothers here… maybe we can make a big gye Purim party somewhere?!?! No pressure, if you want to come and take of your mask is good if not then skip. Ummm. I’m not sure.

doingtshuva wrote on 13 Feb 2023 11:42:

You remind me of a joke. A father tells he’s son turning 13 “ your becoming bar mitzvah now and that means no standing in the hallway by davening anymore  and no more talking by davening” son looks up at father’s and asks him “totty, when are you becoming bar mitzvah?” 

Givaldig, you made me laugh!!!!!

 

I definitely suffer from some social anxiety especially with large groups but at least for me I think a large part is what HHM said, i.e., I think that if  people knew what I did they would reject and be disgusted by me. I actually like davening for the amud on Shabbos because I do have a good voice (or at least that is what I've been told) and getting positive feedback from a large group that I would otherwise struggle with is great. Chazal already came up with all the words so no pressure in coming up with a conversation starter and by davening in a shul where people are makpid not to talk there is no competition.

I can say for myself, that I definitely see that I have become much more confident in the past months, for sure because I am more content with myself, more at peace with the person I am. A huge part of that is effected by the guys here welcoming me, accepting me, respecting me. It was something that really ate away at me for years, and now, besides for BH cutting out the garbage, the chevra here really got me moving by making me, with all my shortcomings, feel welcome and accepted.

and now you are doing the same for others, accepting and loving them!!!

I was hoping that I would find here more ideas on the social anxiety issue as described here in the beginning as I suffer the same.

But as I recently started working on myself in general and more specifically on my P&M it got much better and I became more comfortable between people and being in crowds. 
I hope it's such the beginning and this will bring me to a full recovery