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Struggling
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Struggling 591 Views

Struggling 04 Jun 2019 09:24 #341615

  • Jewish
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I keep hearing people saying how it helps if you take it one day at a time but that doesn't seem to help me. A day is a long time and if I get an urge it doesn't help pushing it off for another 12 or mourning hours? 
Please help.

Re: Struggling 04 Jun 2019 10:22 #341616

  • GrowStrong
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Take it one hour at a time
Pushing off the urge won’t help
You need tools that will help you overcome the urge
Have you gone through the GYE workbook

Re: Struggling 04 Jun 2019 16:56 #341623

  • 360gye
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Hey Jewish,
When people say one day at a time, they really only mean to take baby steps and set small attainable goals for yourself. If a day is too much for you than try doing an hour, or even half hour, or even 5 minutes at a time. 
I agree with GrowStrong, that you need tools to help you along the way. You need to tools to help you while struggling, and incentive you to push on. 
If you want to talk further, i am happy to help out, my email is 360gye@gmail.com

Re: Struggling 04 Jun 2019 19:12 #341628

  • cordnoy
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360gye wrote on 04 Jun 2019 16:56:
Hey Jewish,
When people say one day at a time, they really only mean to take baby steps and set small attainable goals for yourself. If a day is too much for you than try doing an hour, or even half hour, or even 5 minutes at a time. 
I agree with GrowStrong, that you need tools to help you along the way. You need to tools to help you while struggling, and incentive you to push on. 
If you want to talk further, i am happy to help out, my email is 360gye@gmail.com

I wanted to write before, but no time. I still don't have time, but I disagree. And it's important, I feel. (Just because I'm writin' this doesn't mean I'm right.) ODAAT is not about attainable goals (although one can do that). Attainable goals is just another way of white knucklin' thru a crisis. Those goals are just pushin' off the (perhaps) inevitable. The principle of ODAAT was meant to say that one need not focus on his entire life, but rather, on the next moment in front of him, and his mission is to do the right thin'. Perhaps it's mere semantics, but at times, they too make a difference.

Godspeed to you
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Re: Struggling 04 Jun 2019 21:16 #341632

  • David26fr
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I am agree with Cordnoy

My two cents :
Sobriety, for me, is not "I mustn't fall. I mustn't fall ! I must stay sober for this day ! Or this minute !"
It's is rather "to live" a sober life : change your way of seeing life, take the things like they come, and don't be worry about the future. 

And when the wave of urge come, take out your surfboard (= your tools to manage an urge), and surf on the wave, or crouch to avoid it.
And if there is a voice that tells you : "Many waves are coming ! We will sink anyway !", you answer : "No, I am managing this wave now. Calmly. Will I success ? We will see. And what is coming after is not my problem. One wave at a time"

For me, this is the sense of "one moment at time".

Re: Struggling 04 Jun 2019 21:31 #341633

  • ColinColin
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Both approaches are correct.
The short term tactics, and the long term strategy.

When an urge comes, break down things into 5 minute blocks.
Say to yourself, I will do an activity for the next 5 minutes to take my mind off the urge.

But the key is to see the urge for what it is, an urge...extrenal to you.
But triggered by your genuine emotions.

So long term you need to live a life that nourishes you in a healthy way.

That is about fulfilment from positive activities and a realistic approach.

But when the urge strikes, you do need a tactical plan.

Try walking, reading, calling a friend etc.

Or mindfulness.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-self-destructive-behavior/201601/mindfulness-in-the-treatment-self-destructive-behavior

Re: Struggling 06 Jun 2019 02:10 #341649

  • Fightforyesod
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U have to look at it that every hour that ur clean ur doing ur purpose what u came here,let's say someone comes over to u and gives u 100 dollars and u know we won't give it to u in 2 hours from now,u would still take it because it's ur profit what ever he gives u,the same thing here if ur good for 5 hours and u closed ur eyes openly 4 time in that few hours u got worthless amount of money,it's all ur profit even ur going to fall later,everytime ur keeping back from lust and even 4 times u got a world and hashemite has naches from u
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