Kollel Guy wrote on 12 Dec 2009 20:00:


My father did not grow up religious, and actually led QUITE a different lifestyle before he became religious, so he should have known better. But alas, he did not.

guardureyes wrote on 12 Dec 2009 19:40:


Thank you Guard!

Wow, I just came in to my office after leaving my question on Thursday to find that it provoked a really lively discussion. Guard, thanks for the links, and thank you everyone for your thoughts. I think that what emerges from the discussion is that this is a sensitive issue and really depends on the environment, the type of kid etc. I also think that your decision will be affected by the type of person that you are (Do you let things lie or are you headstrong and do you take risks or are you conservative) and the relationship that you have with your kids.

Firstly, I would like to share a joke which I think brings out a point very strongly.
A boy from a very sheltered background goes out on the street on his eighteenth birthday for the first time. On this first trip he encounters a woman. “Taate, Taate” he asks “what is that?” His father replies “a Kaatchke (a duck in Yiddish)" to which the boy replies “Taate, buy me two.”

The point being that the feelings a boy has, whether towards women or physically, or both etc are natural and cannot be suppressed and therefore does not make sense to be ignored.

While I have not developed a concrete attitude yet, I do believe that
a) If we are genuine and emesdik, generally HaShem will not let us go wrong
b) If we have a good relationship with our kids in other areas, then our kids will respect us in these areas as well
c) The most important aspect is to make the child feel that you are open to discussion and sensitive on these subjects and that they are not “no-no”issues
d) Whatever the discussion is and however “far” it goes, face the issue head on and do not beat round the bush. Children sense when you are hiding things.
I know that many of these points have been mentioned but I thought that I would throw in my two cents from my perspective.

PG unless I have a definite reason not to, I plan to inform my children somehow.  I daaven to HaShem for guidance and that I should do it LeSheim Shomayim.

I recieved a reply from Rabbi Twerski (he got out of it easy ). Here's his reply (in blue):

Just several months ago, Sara Diament M.A, wrote a booklet "Talking to Your Children About Intimacy: A Guide for Orthodox Jewish Parents." It is worth reading

It can be purchaced here.

See also here and here for articles about it.

Ok, so we need someone to get the booklet and summarize it in a few paragraphs. Who wants to take up this challenge? Ano? Ovadia? Imtrying?  :D

Incidently, while we are on the subject, Rabbi Twerski once suggested to me to read the book called "Building Self-Esteem in Children" by Patricia H. Berne.

In the same e-mail, Rabbi Twerski also sent me the following:

Incidentally, now that it is Chanuka, there is a tikun, that after lighting the Chanuka candles (or oil), one should look at the lights and meditate, "hanerot hallalu kodesh heim, these lights are holy." The sefarim say that they represent the original light of creation. Concentrating on the kedusha of the Chanuka lights helps prevent misuse of one's eyes. Some people mediate on the Chanuka lights for the full half hour that is the minimum time the candles should burn.

twerski

If you click on the links Guard sent, you'll see another link to a couple of pages in the book, an excerpt.
Here it is: www.torahparenting.com/chap4excerpt.pdf

By the way, looking at the table of contents, you'll see that chapter 3 talks about the appropriate age, and you'll see that it goes in stages, depending on the different ages, to make it age appropriate.

guardureyes wrote on 13 Dec 2009 10:45:

I can give it a try, but i cant seem to find a way to get it shipped to Israel. Any ideas?

guardureyes wrote on 11 Dec 2009 10:49:


I humbly agree.

Let's call him up. To this mokom aliyah.

Chazak wrote on 15 Dec 2009 22:49:


See reply #64 above.

Rabbi Twerski didn't really give you an answer. He just told you where to look for an answer. Just from the description of the pamphlet, it sounds like my team has the upper hand, but someone here needs to read it and summarize it for us.

Hey Amo. With that scary looking thing you got there your team always has the upper hand. wow am i glad im on your team. :D :D :D

Ano Nymous wrote on 16 Dec 2009 00:39:

The pamphlet does take your side, it's just a decription of the hows whens and whys.

From the two-page excerpt, it seems clear that you should not tell any outright lies, that your answer should be age-appropriate, and that you should not say more than is necessary to answer the child's question.

www.torahparenting.com/chap4excerpt.pdf

I'm not gonna bother him to read through this mumble bumble thread, full of jokes and what not. Instead, when a good question comes up I'll send it to him bl"n 

guardureyes wrote on 17 Dec 2009 20:04:


Pity. He wopuld probably appreciate mumble bumble and jokes occasionally!