I started the 12 steps but I have a difficulty admitting that I was powerless over lust. I feel that I went after lust because I wanted to not because I had to. I wanted enjoyment and unfortunately my yiraas shamayim didn't stop me. what should I do?

Who says you have to do the 12 steps? 

I don't know if I need the 12 steps, but I'm just not sure if I am in denial or I really am not powerless.
Also I was advised to listen go through the 12 step conferences to make me stronger.

What about the second part of the first step? Is your life unmanageable? 

As far as being powerless, can you write out 5 examples where you were powerless over lust?

I will give you 5 for myself

1. I couldn't stop lusting even though I was very late for picking up my child.
2. I couldn't stop lusting even though it made me late for work.
3. I used my work computer to act out even though it could have cost me my job.
4. I got bad grades because I spent time lusting instead of studying for an exam.
5. I dropped out smicha because I thought I was a fake. 

Maybe this article will help guardyoureyes.com/12-step/item/the-first-step-inventory-2

Not everyone is powerless over lust. There is no mitzvah to believe that you are. 

Many people who find themselves to have eventually become totally powerless believe there was a time when they still had power and could have stopped on their own will. These people had the early stages of a progressive disease but where unaware of it at the time. Many will never admit it. What may be just as important for you is to identify the symptoms of what may become progressively worse for you.  Some call it raising the bottom. Have you read the book Alcoholics Anonymous aka the Big Book? In the Doctor's opinion and the through the beginning of Chapter four it describes the problem in detail. I spent months and months toiling  with those chapters. It's all summed up in the beginning of Chapter 4 though. 

"If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer."

Simply put:

1. Can you stop entirely of you really want to.
2. When you act out is worse or longer than you planned to.

Btw, What conference call are you on?

torah protects wrote on 01 Dec 2017 18:41:

I don't understand, why are you here if you're in power? Why do you need the power of GYE? Why do you need your yiras shamayim to stop you, why can't you stop yourself?
You're not in denial you just don't understand that if you want something you don't want something doesn't make sense... The simple answer to this would be that there are 2 forces with 2 different goals fighting to win control over your will.