Sorry, things have been pretty hectic. Well, really very crazy, actually.

One thing I learned today was that sometimes, we judge our wives for the things they say, or the things they do. These things might be hurtful, or we may even feel that these things are damaging for our relationships. However, we need to remember that we've done things that are horrible. And because of that, we should have the decency to step back a bit, and try to understand better where our spouse is coming from.

sorry to hear that things are rough

it sometimes helps to remember that often when a woman (or a man, but more prevalent among women, according R' Pamensky) makes a seemingly hurtful remark it is often the pain or anger that is inside the person talking that causes the scale and tone used to be greatly exaggerated.
e.g. you are a lazy good for nothing/bum/worthless nincompoop, and the like are decoded as: why didn't you take out the garbage/change the bulb/go to the grocery when you said you would. They just sound a lot more convincing when said as the former.
If you haven't heard R' Pamensky already you should check out his (free) series at happywife.com. He explains a lot of how men and women are different in how they relate and communicate.

I do want to check out those shiurim, but right now I was specifically focusing on the point that I made 

And things aren't necessarily rough, just busy and stressful.

Sorry for butting in...
I'm heading off to that site too
Something I found is that when a person speaks because they are hurt, they often hurt the person they are talking to, especially if they are very close.
This can quickly spiral out of control if the other person responds while feeling the hurt of the first persons 'attack'.

A rule I try follow is to not respond while feeling emotional about the subject.
Your reply was perfect for those situations and will break the vicious cycle:
I do want to do x for you, but right now I am focusing on...
And then schedule a time to take care of it, because it still needs to be done.

That is an excellent point, thank you!

Another thing I need to work on is living in today more, instead of worrying about the future. More on this later, hopfully!  :D

silentbattle wrote on 10 Feb 2011 06:57:


So now we need to be obsessed with the future. We need to wait for 'later' to hear more from you!  >

silentbattle wrote on 10 Feb 2011 06:57:


...or dwelling on the past.

--Eye.

True...

What i mean is that I need to enjoy living in the present, enjoying the relationship I have with my wife right now, instead of worrying about the future.

Hey SB!! I made it to your wall. Hope you're well and rocking it up.

Thank you, NOYA!

I need to post here more often. As always, it's a way of keeping tabs on how I'm feeling, and sometimes even why.

Right now, I'm feeling stressed, a little overwhelmed, things are very uncertain in my life. But things are looking up, and I need to remind myself that I am able to accomplish things and succeed.

hey sb! its great to have u back on your own thread!
do u have a safe person to share your stresses and overwhelmednesses to?
I find that half the weight to the problem is keeping it bottled up - once i discuss it with someone it gets a little lighter.

Perhaps use the uncertainty to strengthen your connection with Hashem - im quite sure thats why he sends us uncertainties - He wants us to realise how much we need Him.

Hatslocho with it all!

Much love and admiration as always,

ahm

Yep, davening to Hashem is definitely something I need to work on. I need to ask him for what I need, hank him for what i have, and just talk to him...

Hello SB.  Just wanted to ask how you are...

And WHERE you are?

Shavua Tov,

--Eye.

How am I doing?

Doing good, overall. Occasionally find myself in old situations, feeling old urges. I remind myself that's not who I am anymore, but i need to be careful.

I find myself worrying about problems in my relationship. Some of them might need to be addressed, but I need to learn how to e calm about things, and bring them up at the right time, in the right place.

Gevalt! You aren't a different person yet!? Ahh!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, you are right...stay calm.....yeah. Phew.

So, do you have any help beside 'virtual help'?