that's interesting i really never knew that...
i thought it wasn't the pleasure, i thought it was the wonder of the apple.
like, i read that you look at an apple and see the chessed of FaShem in the seeds right in the centre- when one apple is picked there is potential for so many more apple trees.

huh. maybe i should look into this more before i keep opening my big fat mouth again.

au contraire, my friendly teddy bear! See how much beautiful and useful discussion you've generated? Plus, my thread hasn't gotten this many posts in months! ;D ;D ;D

In other news, I'm realizing that i like to plan - too much. In my work on being happier, I need to focus on today (sound familiar? ;D). Just being happier, in the here and now. Realizing how much I have to appreciate, how much I have to be proud of.

i know exactly what u mean sb - i do the same thing, always looked ahead to what the next nice thing would be, when i would be able to relax be comfortable and be happy - all that thinking about the future meant i wasn't living in the present, i wasn't trully living my life. bH GYE has helped me reduce that a great deal! i can actually appreciate being with my kids and not just waiting till they go to sleep till i can chill out.

SB,

I just read your story, and I am completely blown away.

Keep up the good work!

Tuvia

Thanks, Tuvia! I appreciate the supprt!

I've been feeling happier recently, although I haven't had any major tests. Working on figuring more out about myself, in the meantime.

What we have inside can be scary sometimes.

silentbattle wrote on 22 Dec 2010 20:12:


What do you suppose is the reason for this?

reb SilentBattle,
you seem so.... silent lately
how are you doing?

Doing well, just busy.

Thank you for dropping by!

Eye - Mostly because I've been working on being happier. Also, because I've been figuring out more and more about where some of the deeper issues come from, and how much they affect me. And I've been trying to work on it.

Kinda scary sometimes.

More on this, later.

silentbattle wrote on 30 Dec 2010 07:23:


Well, I guess that would make a person happier.

;D

Let's see. Amongst the various epiphanies I've been having of late, one in particular was kinda scary.

As most of us here already know, Lust is all about selfishness. As I've said before, I know that for me, my issues come largely from a fear that if I don't make myself happy by any way possible, there'll be no happiness in my life.

This fear about not being happy, also makes it more difficult to give. Well actually, "giving," I'm OK with. It's "Giving" that I have a problem with. Actually sacrificing things that I feel are important to me, or that make me happy, because it will make my wife happy.

In fact, I picked up on something else, recently. While listening to a shiur about becoming more of a giver, I realized that while I like giving, becoming more of a giver is kinda scary to me - for the same reason (I'm refering to a change in who I am so that, even if my wife will never know about something i did, I'll do it anyway, because giving will have become a more eseential part of who I am).  I obviously need to work on being more of a giver, anyway.

My work for the next week:

I've decided that when I come home, I'm going to try to walk through the door with a smile on my face, no matter what.

That echoes some thoughts I've had on this journey.
it also reminded me of something where I did not see the link without much thought:
The RaMChaL said that envy leads to lust.
His scriptural proof, from the 10 commandments: Do not covet your neighbours house, do not covet his wife...
You are adding an extra link here – not giving is linked to envy in that in both cases you want that thing for yourself rather than the other person having it. “thing” may be something as in “your neighbours house” or it may be pleasure in the case of “your neighbours wife”.

Thanks for the post, it’s enlightening and has inspired me to give more too, even if it is just a smile

thanks for sharing that, SB

Thanks - I don't post as often as I should, especially since I realize how much posting helps me be more self-aware.

your posts help me and i'm sure others as well, you bring a clarity and depth to the ideas

Well, that's part of the idea of posting - to get clarity in ourselves!