Just a suggestion, to a sweet yid who is obviously moving in the right direction but still hurting a bunch (like most of us here on this heiligeh network):
Maybe instead of throwing down anything like a 'gauntlet' to lust, consider getting more help than before, with the understanding that you will not get stronger.
I am not at all stronger than I was a year ago! But be"H I am safer than ever now, because I have more help now than I have ever had. And it has been years since I had to think things like, "was that considered a 'slip'?" How's that? Because I make more calls when I feel off-balance now, not fewer calls; I take far fewer risks just to satisfy the false god in me called 'Desperate Curiosity'; my filter works better - because I never test it; I have less shame about the truth about myself and my screwiness so I have fewer secrets; I have fewer stupid motivations inside me, so I have fewer resentments and fears. I am 'lighter' today, thank-G-d. I continue to "lose extra weight" as a result of working this recovery.
It takes time, and it never ends till we are dead....kind of like Life - because that's what it is!
I am not telling anyone 'the way it is' - just sharing how it works with me. I do not get stronger and have no interest whatsoever in 'getting stronger'. If you offered me the ability to withstand all the tayva in the world, I'd turn away in a second. I want a safety with G-d, not 'power'. Otherwise, it begs the question, "Is my struggle a big cosmic accident?" He is not like a Superhero - running to 'save me' when I am in trouble - ridiculous! Rather, all my problems are only refuahs that look like makkahs - ways given to me to grow closer to Him, and only that. Again, just my opinion. Thanks
That's from Dov (in case anyone couldn't tell), from AA1977's thread (thanks for being the impetus for that post!). I'm just posting it here so i can find it more easily when I need to refer back to it.
"Brilliant" doesn't even begin to describe it. Thank you, Dov!
