Reb Dov - what's wrong with saying "assur?" I'm also including the fact that "it leads me down a road of destruction."

Do you feel that since anyway, the assur part has never helped, it's better to leave it out entirely for now?

My thought was that, because of what we're surrounded by, it sometimes seems like there are some kinds of looking that are "OK." And it can be difficult to remember that halacha defines very nicely for us what's OK and what's not.

What are your thoughts? I wait, in the cold snow, for your wisdom, my teacher.

Have a nice hot chocolate with Saki, grasshoppa.

Yup, you are right about me. It's not that the recognition of the issur never healed me in the past but that I developed into the habitual needer and user of lust that I became in tandem with trying to stop because it was assur. It was a kos hatar'eilah for me, not a kos yeshu'os.

Nu.

So I admit that halocha is 100% spot-on when it comes to what is safe and I will always be able to use it as my guide to good sense, menchlichkeit and sanity. But I believe that for myself and many other people as well, thinking mainly of it as an issur brings up my defence mechanisms. And that is my disease. I am not smart enough to tease the crazy defense-mechanism thinking apart from the sensible cheshboinos.

So I try to keep my eye on sanity rather than goodness. It is not a shitta, just what works for me. (Though I have seen many others slosh around in and out of acting out because of shockingly silly 'issues' that stemmed from their resentments and fears of Halocha, 'fighting their YH', and 'issurim'. I guess in a way I throw the baby out with the bathwater....nu. They say there was a big gaon who learned during shalosh se'udos and answered people, "I wonder what gehinnom I will get for learning?". Same for me: I doubt I will get gehinnom for doing what helps me stay sober, useful to Hashem and his people.... :-*

So, how's the Saki with cocoa?

Saki with cocoa?  ??? :o

I hear your point. For me, though, I think that it helps - not necessarily as the main reason why I shouldn't do it, but as a guide to what I shouldn't be doing. For example, I may not have thought that looking a a woman in short sleeves or uncovered hair is assur without halacha as a guide.

I'm working on remembering that the focus isn't on what I want, and my own selfish desires. Not just sexually, but in all areas.

Welcome back to ur own thread

Just saying hi, SB. Hope you're well...

;D

Thanks, guys! I'm trying...

Keep on Trucking (albeit silently)

That's just it, I guess. I'm trying to get my truck engine tuned so it doesn't make quite so much noise, just moves along silently.

I don't think my battles will ever all be silent and smooth, but I'm trying to build myself into the kind of person who naturally moves away from stupid things.

That's an interesting thought. If things have been going relatively smoothly, what can I do in the meantime if I'm worried that 6 months down the line, or a year, or 5 years, I might be tempted? What can I do to stack the odds in my favor, as it were?

silentbattle wrote on 22 Oct 2010 09:34:

I think the point was that SAKANA is worse than ASSUR, even according to HALACHA.
(You probably noticed this)
Meat and milk is asur, it's butul b'shishim.
Meat and fish is a sakana, there's a machlokes if it's even butul b'elef.

L'chayim!
  --Eye.

Sorry, Eye - see Dov's response to me...

But, always great to have you drop by!

bardichev wrote on 07 Nov 2010 04:56:


Sorry, but this guy always makes me laugh my face off!! ILYb!!!

silentbattle wrote on 07 Nov 2010 18:16:

Yeah, I know I was a bit behind, but it was just an excuse to drop by!

It's great to have all of you! And yes - Bards, it's awesome to hear from you! You make me smile, and give me chizuk, at the same time!

I've been thinking recently, about how lucky i am. Hashem made me wait until i was clean to get married, and it's only now, after dating for years, that I appreciate His kindess.