Please, I beg of you, DO NOT try the 'thinking in learning' method!

It is toooo difficult for us.

I was once saying goodbye to the Mashgach when I was leaving Yeshiva a few days early. He told me to take along a good non-Torah book for the plane ride. He offered to lend me one of his daughters' books. He suggested I take along a Game-Boy (Remember those?) or some other electronic game. "These can capivate you on the plane," he said. "A sefer will NOT do the trick. The Yetzer is stronger!"

Read the signs, admire the landscaping, check out what model cars are parked, etc. Hum a tune, plan your schedule, daydream about past events, imagine how the world would look in Moshiach's times, Imagine YOU are President of the United States (Without running a campaign..).

Any of those things will work...but I think that some people are capable of thinking in learning, if you have enough topics that you can pick one up when needed and just involve your mind in it.

Yosef Hatzadik's approach is definitely more applicable in my case...

I guess that if learning is something you do easy/naturally and you like learning, I guess it would work...
I have negative associations to learning and is definitely not something that comes easily...

SB, your far-reaching goals never ceases to amaze me... I for one need to set more modest goals...
I believe that you have great potential.... I bless you to merit reaching them... I believe you can!!!

Amen, thank you!

Trying123 - I think that for everyone, this is all about getting to know ourselves well, and working on growing, each on their own level. That's what's important, that's what's necessary. I'm doing it on my level, you're doing it on yours, and we're both growing!

As far as what to think about - again, that comes down to what works for you. One of the reasons I prefer thinking about torah is that, quite simply, it's more involving, and so it occupies my brain more, and stops me from looking around.

Have a great Shabbos...

You, too!

I've been looking back and thinking, recently. Reading other people's threads, and recognizing those feelings, emotions, reactions, and thoughts...well, it made me reflect back to when I first started this journey.

I'd been involved in some terrible things, and I was relieved at the chance to stop. But you know what - let's look further back. A couple of years ago, when I was still involved in extremely unhealthy relationships...I knew it was wrong. I didn't like it. I even tried to stop a few times, sometimes going so far as to delete an entire email account with all the contact information.

But it never lasted. Why not? One major reason is that I didn't have much else going on in my life. I didn't have a solid network of friends anymore (most already married, many moved away), my family isn't much if a support, and dating wasn't going well. So I needed something to give me happiness. I figured that the relationships were the answer - as much as I didn't want them, they were better than the alternative. I felt that deep down, I wouldn't be happy without them. Couldn't be happy. Without them, I'd be truly miserable. So I kept on going.

Looking back, I see that I was wrong. My unhealthy outlook, my unhealthy behavior, made me think that I needed that drug. And yes, it was "fun" - but living without it, being truly clean, is a far happier lifestyle. Had someone told me this a years ago, I might not have believed them, and so I can't really expect others to believe me. But for myself, I know this to be true, and I need to remind myself of it, in case I ever start to forget.

In regard to masturbation, it's almost amusing. I can still remember when my therapist recommended that I stop masturbating, and go for complete abstinence. I was very hesitant, to say the least - I felt that as it was, I'd made major changes in my life, and that trying to change that, too, might be a big mistake, Losing that outlet, I worried, might push me into relapsing into my really unhealthy behaviors. Nonetheless, my therapist recommended that I try it, especially since, he said, complete abstinence could bring various stress factors and emotions to the fore.

And I've discovered, now that I'm more than 6 months clean...that I can do it. It is possible. And I'm happier this way.

Thank you hashem, thank you GYE, thank you to my rebbe, thank you to my friend who's given me support through this, and thank you to each and everyone one of you who's helped me through this - those who are here now, those who were here and left, and those who are still here but can't respond.

Have a great shabbos, everyone!

Ha...there's a part of me that's annoyed that I haven't gotten any responses...but the truth is that I needed to write it down, for me. If someone else gaisn from it, even better, and if other people encourage me and give me chizuk, that's an added plus.

But ultimately, I need to consider my own growth, whether or not other people are patting me on the back. Because there will be times when I wont have that, and I need to recognize that being clean feels wonderful anyway!

Sometimes people read your stuff and do not respond because they are lazy and really have something mamash to say - and unfortunately that takes work. I hate work.... :'(
Sometimes they just admire or benefit from what you post and have nothing intelligent to say back and may feel like an idiot posting something like I am....or worse like: "Ditto."

Anyhow, thanks for sharing all that. I have nothing intelligent to say. 

1) Anything you say is intelligent.

2) No matter what, it's always nice to have a comment or two, giving some chizuk. It helps me!

Only got here now SB, or you know I would have said something. mom silent? No way!

You have every reason to feel proud of yourself. Not only for the hishtadlus, but for allowing Hashem in and moving out of His way so He could take over. In many ways, that is the hardest step.
Your progress over the past months is incredible, and not only regarding the addiction. You have grown is so many ways thanks to the addiction which has helped you focus on what needs strengthening and where your weak spots are.
By using the addiction to help you grow closer to HKBH, you have in essence turned the aveiroh into a mitzva , raising it to the highest level of teshuvah! Ashrecha!

Those who are still here and cant respond are cheering you as always.
Keep inspiring us SB

The soda person reminded me: SilentBattle! You are a true GYE old-timer. There are not too many left from your era on the forum, I think. Perhaps you are just putting one foot in front of the other and moving along, rather than looking at the fore and aft horizons all the time, as some folks do. Usually those fellas get restless and leave. Thanks for sticking around and being part of a small, crazy, and generally happy club.

CAN WE MAKE A REUNION

LIKE OLD TIMERS DAY

bardichev wrote on 31 May 2010 15:02:


Depends if the emphasis is on the word "old" ???

well, i feel all left out now coz im only a newbie... but when i read it i thought 'sb - that was beautiful!' but i felt silly to just post that.... it nearly made me cry though, it was so beautiful... keep posting the inspiration and keep on lorrying!

silentbattle wrote on 28 May 2010 20:16:

You know, SB, as much as I find it helpful to write my own posts and to read others, there are many folk posting on the forum where I don't see much of an intelligent response on my part to post. That doesn't mean their postings don't affect me. Yet whether it's a "good job" reply or a "are you crazy" reply, the fact that I've read it and been affected by it doesn't seem post-worthy in most cases. So unless I have something to share, I tend not to do the "KUTGW" thing (keep up the good work, for newbies here ).

Please don't translate that into a thought that I don't read, don't care, don't value you as part of the mishpucha, etc. The number of 'posts' on someone's individual thread seems to be about TEN TIMES that of the number of the owner's entries. We're still here, and here for you.

Back to work, oh-not-silent-one.