As someone who's given fitness courses, tutored students, and dealt with all different kinds of people, there's a very simple truth in life. And it may be cliched, but that doesn't make it any less true.

If you convince yourself that you can't do something, then you'll prove yourself right.

Take the concept of falling. We convince ourselves that we just have to, and we can't resist. We'd go crazy if we didn't!

But if someone was standing there, holding a $100 bill, and telling us that if we resisted, went for a walk instead, it's ours...?

Most of us would be $100 richer. Tomorrow? Don't know, but faced with that choice, most of us would take the money (for some of us, it might need to be $1,000, but the point is the same). And what's more, we wouldn't be more stressed because of it, we'd be excited that we got the money!

So clearly, we don't have to give in. We choose to.

Do you learn 14 hrs. a day?
If I (OK not me... Bill Gates...) offered you $100 Million...
Would you be unable to do it....?

i suppose that you'd find a way to do it....

OH!!!!!!!!!! SO YOU CAN LEARN FOR 14 HRS. A DAY!!!!!

The reason you are not doing it is not because you can't do it... but because you convinced yourself that you can't do it....

The guys who don't convince themselves that they simply can not do it (like the Godol/Rebbe of your choice...)...
Are able to do it... look at R' Elyashiv, R' Vosner, etc.

You chose not to be like that...

This make any sense to anyone???? :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\ :-\

First of all, to a certain extent, that may be true - if we grew up under other conditions, and grew up with the assumption that we could accomplish that much, it's quite possible that we would.

2) you would certainly be able to do it for one day. Probably more (depending on the size of the reward).

3) I submit that even getting paid an astronomical amount of money, if it's something that you really, really can't do - then eventually, you just won't be able to do it anymore.

4) There's a big difference between astronomical sums of money that we only dream of, and the amount that any of us could earn in a day of work.

And since I know we've been through this before, and to avoid this issue - does this mean that everyone can be perfect? Absolutely not. But we can all grow. And we can all accomplish a HECK of a lot more than we're doing right now. And THAT is what we need to strive to do!

My life continues to go well, B"H. There is stress, as always - sometimes a lot of it. But I've been able to focus on growing, most of the time, even if sometimes I really feel frustrated.

I've begun working on being more helpful in general around the house, even with small things - caryying things around, taking out the garbage, washing dishes, etc.

I haven't really felt super-strong urges recently, although there are occasional bursts, or times when I have to remind myself not to look at a girl in the street.

I'm happy for you...

I find it interesting that you always talk about how the stress is still there but that things overall are still good....

It is of interest to me because I am working on this exact thing lately...

If you think about it, life will never be stress free.... If you're single: It;s Shiduchim...

If you're engaged: It's about the wedding...
If you're married: It's about adjusting... and/or addressing the issues that arise...

If you're past that... It's about finances..

And then children... and everything that comes along with that...
and the list goes on and on and on....

If I wait for things to be calm... I'll die at age 120 still waiting....

I am trying to work on sidelining my stress... addressing it... but not getting consumed by it... and all the while heading forward....

We simply can not wait for better times....

Peace my friend...

Exactly right. It sounds like you have the right attitude!

It's not always easy, but I find that it helps sometimes to remind myself that the stress is from good things (whenever that's possible).

As a total aside, I recently passed the 6-month mark of being clean from my main issue, and 5 months of being completely clean.

GYE - You guys are awesome, I love you, thank you!

I totally digg you reb silent. You are way cool and groovy.  8)

Not sure why I deserve an eye-roll, but I'm going to take it as a compliment of some kind!

Mazel tov Silent!

silentbattle wrote on 26 Apr 2010 01:11:


We will never overtake you! 

As long as we see you up ahead on the horizon we know that we are headed in the right direction.  :D



& yes, GYE really IS awesome. We love ourselves too!  ;D

zalmandovid wrote on 26 Apr 2010 05:27:

Tes, indeed. Way cool and groovy.

I disagree with this point despite the seemingly airtight logic.  What we “can” and “can’t” do ultimately ties in to emotions.  If we don’t feel a connection to Ruchniyus, we won’t last long in the Bais Medrash no matter what we “tell ourselves”.  We can override our emotions under extraordinary circumstances (like when offered a million dollars to learn for 14 hours), but only briefly.  In the long run, we seek fulfillment of the soul.  We act out because we think, incorrectly, that it will provide fulfillment.  We don’t learn even though it DOES provide fulfillment because we never REALLY thought that learning would be satisfying, even though we may have told ourselves that it would.  We never really thought so because it was never properly explained to us, on an emotional level.  It never pierced our heart; we didn’t “connect” to it.  Torah and G-d are one…and if we don’t relate to G-d, we can’t relate to His Torah.  This is why the 12 Steps work.  They guide us to the only possible thing that can cause real change – a spiritual connection.  The best part is, we’re not learning it, we’re experiencing it.  Being an addict that has hit rock bottom gives us, ironically, our first truly internalized experience.  We know that we’re powerless over lust in a way that we have never known anything else before.  It’s not a theory, not even a really great theory that we’re convinced of 110% - it’s a fact.  And once you start with your first fact, you’ve “broken through” to a new level of reality.  If there’s one fact, there can be others.  And once He becomes a fact, you’re in good hands…

Aaron - interesting! I'm going to have to come back and read that again later!

Yosef - I certainly hope you guys will all continue to rock!

Be strong - thanks!

An interesting addition which I was just talking about today, and I don't think I've ever mentioned. I was talking to a guy who was having trouble stopping his habit of being mz"l. I wanted to share with him the concept that it IS possible to stop, even if it's something that you're totally used to.

And I shared with him something that is kinda embarrassing, but useful in this context. I first staretd masturbating when i was about 5 - maybe even earlier. Obviously, it wasn't quite the same thing, but even at that age, it felt good, and I'd do it a LOT, even before I realized that it was sexual.

So when it came time to break the habit and move on, I'd had over 20 years of it. More than 80% of my life, I'd been involved in this habit.

It's always possible to break free.

that is a long time and it most certainly a testimony that anything is possible. Thank you for sharing.