Cmon bro write a novel or something. I think we can actually use some good kosher novels.

imtrying25 wrote on 09 Feb 2010 12:52:


If SB writes a novel, I think the cover of the book should be IT25 avatar. 

Shlomo wrote on 09 Feb 2010 02:24:


I DO write songs. Not necessarily good, but I write ;D Thank you for the encouragement - you do that, and it's tremendously valuabel - but I'd disagree on one point - that's not the only thing you can do. I always enjoy reading your wisdom.

Thank you, Halevi! hang out here, drop by every once in a while! I can always use some encouragement, advice, and wisdom!

imtrying25 wrote on 09 Feb 2010 12:52:


I dunno...I'd probably start with short stories, and I don't really have the energy/patience to sit down and start writing these days...especially since when you start, things are pretty garbage-y. So certainly at first, reader response (at least, the honest ones) aren't going to be very positive. And certainly not as positive and enthusiastic as any of the responses I used to get from my stories. Plus, I honestly don't really even know where to start.

sci1977 wrote on 09 Feb 2010 15:28:


:D :D :D

So, what's been happening with me...recently realized that my reading of blogs probably isn't a very good idea - both because most of the blogs i was reading were girls, plus some of them started to touch on topics which...well, don't bring me to a healthy place, let's leave it at that, hmm?

And, right on cue, God steps up! Went to a new shiur by that rabbi I mentioned, that I'm going to try to develop a connection with - he's really deep, it was a good shiur, i think I'm going to try to start going regularly. And, at the end, he suggested that everyone be mekabel something to bring all the lofty concepts we'd just learned, down to earth - and what did he suggest? That everyone should stop reading blogs!

God, you ROCK!!! ;D

Now I just have to make sure that I don't go back.

On the other side...I've been getting a bit friendly with a female coworker. Don't think anythign bad would happen, but probably not a good situation. On the other hand, she's a valuable resource in a lot of ways.

But I'm going to be honest with myself - I don't like saying good-bye to people. I like being friends with people, and I want people to like me. This is one of my biggest risk factors, and right now, I'm facing a challenge that touches right on this issue.

Sticking my nose in a bit, hoping I'm not too out of place...

This stuff about relationships via phone, mail, email, blog and other virtuality, makes me wonder where our ability to form healthy personal relationships with other humans is gonna come from - and where will it be cultivated. For me, it's not like riding a bike - it needs constant, living, growth because real relationships are as much about me as they are about the other person. And in person it is just a tad harder to BS my way into a fake persona. Just a bit. And with a woman, it's so obvious that most men change their entire presentation...I see why you are concerned. G'luck buidling healthy relationships that way. 

(...and the rant:)
And while I'm at it, I'll just mention that the "private" me (the one that acts out my addictive/compulsive/stupid behaviors that we all know I'd desperately hide from almost anyone) meeting up with the "public" me (the upstanding, frum, normal and decent me that goes to shul, dinner, school - even right after acting out) is a painful occurence. We typically try with all our might to avoid it. I think this avoidance is at the root of most guy's hesitance at going to real meetings (the onse folks call "face-to-face").
It sucks, yeah, but the pain is just too great for most of us. Kind of like Captain Kirk or Dr Who from two seperate "time continuums" (continua?) actually meeting up! Ahhh!! ;D It nearly happenned and ripped up the entire time continuum and killed us all! Phew! Luckily we dodged that bullet!
Anyhow, when I got caught by my wife, and when many other guys have gotten caught by spouses, police, their children, or friends we all describe an unbearable pain: like actually wishing desperately to just bury ourselves. "this just can't be happenning!" No where to run any more! Shockingly, soon - if they get into recovery - they always admit that the most important day of their life was the day they got caught. I know I do. And so does my wife...
I was slower than molasses to get into recovery, so I can't criticize anyone for running from their dirty truth, but: our shame must die a quiet death. The two personas (personae?) must be brought together and introduced to eachother.
And this always, necessarily, requires a third party (uh-oh) - someone who knows "one of us" needs to be introduced to "both of us" to make it real to ourselves.
Think about it. Maybe I'm wrong, but I believe this truth to be self-evident. Some folks call it "step Zero" (kind of like "ground zero"!)

Some people seem to have to run from the piper - at least for the time being. Others come forward to others, like the posters on this forum. It may be all they need to get free. But my heart tells me that for those who participate in this forum but are still not getting the freedom they feel they need, it's quite plain that a stronger medicine is needed. The honesty must be ratcheted up. Time for a real step Zero...

In my case, getting caught by the wife did nothing. I kept running from myself and telling myself "My lust compulsions will get manageable eventually (translation: "I can do better at hiding it"), and I'll just have to get buried with the embarrassing details." Luckily for me, my acting out eventually got so bad that I was made to see that it would eventually destroy me. Really.
Then I dropped the shame like a big rock (couldn't carry it any more anyhow) and came out of the closet big-time, in SA meetings.
There are other venues to safely "come out of the closet" with this dirty business...I encourage anyone to do it however they need to - and do it quick. Be safe, but do it...before it has to be done for you!
As the Navi said: Kir'u levavchem - ve'al bigdeichem! Tear your hearts (open), so that you will not need to tear your clothes!' (translation per Rav Noach Weinberg, zt"l)

With love and best wishes for hatzlocha,

Dov

Hey SB, thanks for stopping by!

Beautiful Rebbi beautiful!! :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

imtrying25 wrote on 09 Feb 2010 22:54:


IT25 is right.  You realized something and that is fantastic!!!

Absolutely, Dov - I know for myself, that even in specific details, it's important to open up. Take the issue I mentioned before, with my getting too close to a co-worker. Once I mentioned it here, that brought me to a new level of awareness. But not enough, I felt - so I told my friend, also (the one friend who knows everything that's been happening). And it was like a light switch, made me truly realize how much I don't want to go down that path...

keep on trucking!!!!

i can only echo what sci1977 said. your resilience and hard work is an great example to us all.

Sci - I am

Shlomo - thank you! It's the support of encouragement from all of you that has helped me reach where I am today (which is, clean so far!)!

Clean so far.....clean so close................whatever......................as long as your staying clean!

Thanks...been having a difficult couple of days, feeling the temptation...you know, when you just have to grit your teeth, and move forward?

Yup, that's what I'm feeling right now...

But doing well, in general, I think.

What did your teeth do wrong that theyre getting all this grit??

Let go and let G-d.

Leave it up to him. He knows exactly how to take care of the yh.

Keep on rollin.

Luv ya bro.