Can you see that I'm wearing tefillin? I guess not...it's supposed to be a "spiritual bodyguard" avatar.

OK, so continuing with my ideas for a program...please, share your thoughts about any/all aspects of what I'm writing here, I could use the input - tell me what you agree with, disagree with, can add to, enhance, modify, etc.

I think that every program, whether it's therapy, or 12 steps, or GYE, or...well, anything...is going to have two basic focuses (focii?): sur meira, v'asei tov. Which I see as (asei tov) focusing on the person you want to be, the person you really are, and the values that you have; what you truly think is important; living life; improving, growing, being happier. And (sur meira), remembering what's dangerous, and just how dangerous it is - and staying far away (or as far away as possible); being honest about tests, dangers, triggers, and feelings, with oneself, and ideally, with someone else.

So, my thoughts are as follows: Keep going with GYE. This helps me focus both on how I'm growing, and also makes me examine where my tests are. And makes me admit to them, we're I've succeeded, where I haven't.

Keep in touch with a partner/sponsor, eventually via phone. I may have found someone to do this with, we'll see how it works out.

Be in touch with my rebbe and friend, both of whom know and understand my issues.

Continue to grow - learn, work, schooling, make sure that I feel like I'm moving forward in life. I'm looking into starting to go to a shiur, with the possibility of getting closer to the guy giving it, having a rebbe that's local. Not going to be the same as my rebbe in Eretz Yisorel, who knows me incredibly well, has been with me for YEARS, and everything - but he is here, and that has definite advantages.

Please, add to my thoughts?

First off I think you need to figure out a plan of attack.  If plan A doesn't work then proceed to plan b. So on and so forth.  I think that a lot of your ideas are great.  An addict in recover is still and addict.  You need to make sure you stay in recovery. 

Sci - You mean a concrete plan for moments of temptation?

silentbattle wrote on 07 Feb 2010 17:02:


Yes, and you can do the same with your whole recovery.  See I think you can come up with ways to deal with everything if you sit down, think about yourself and try to understand why things happen regarding your addiction.  Make a plan and see if it works.  Plans can always be changed to make sure they are working.

Sci - I agree that concrete plan are important, building in plans - kinda like when you're driving down a highway, and you see a hole in the middle of the road, you train yourself to swerve out of the way.

That's step 1. And you're right, I still need to work on that. Part of this plan is also to keep me aware of what's happening with me in general, and with the addiction in particular. But I'm also working on, and incorporating that into, step 2 - a more general framework for growing, being aware of dangers and avoiding them - I don't want to swerve to avoid obstacles, I want to be on a different highway! I want to be a different person, the real me!

SB,
you are serious!!
i will tell you what i think about your plan.
look, you are a good man in your deep.

our acting out is just a peels that  have grown because of some reasons, each one and his reasons.
each one fell to this addiction not because he wanted to.

so now when you recover yourself impressively (i see you almost hit the 90) , those peels will be B"H taken off of you by themselves, and the good man, the real SB will be exposed.

actually, what i mean?
i mean that you have to be responsible of the sur meira,
the aise tov will be by the way, by itself.
your clean spirit will take you where you want to without "orders" from you.

of course you need a concrete plan for moments of temptation (as you said), a sponsor to speak with, rebbe, or anything else which can keep you clean also after a long time.

i tell you that because of my little experience,
i feel on myself that everyday i continue to stay clean i go up in ruchaniut.

you are the real soldier of HASHEM, just ask what you want from him and b"h he will give it to you by cash!!  after all, he don't have any reason why not. SB is almost as YOSSEF HAZADIK, isn't he?

love you GEVER!

silentbattle wrote on 07 Feb 2010 21:20:


Everytime you choose to be clean, you are on a different road.  G-d's road.  On that road you find life.  Maybe this sounds simple but just live.  Obviously work on what you need for yourself, but just live. 

Sci - that's true, but as much as possible, I don't want to have to choose to stay clean - that requires an expectation of power, and as much as possible, I want to be OK with being powerless - so as much as possible, I want to avoid anything that will tempt me - if I see it coming, I want to avoid it, from as far away as possible.

I like being on the road of life...

OL - I respectfully disagree - asei tov does NOT happen by itself. We have to work to grow. Look around you, man - Does everyone who's clean become a gadol hador? Start learning every spare minute? Improve all their middos?

Of course, being clean helps, makes it easier, makes it sweeter - but there's still a lot of effort that we need to put in.

staying clean is and should be all of our goals.  I feel like if at first we choose to be clean eventually it will lead to being powerless towards it.  Almost like that is a way to rewire our brains. 

Hi SB!

Thanks for the personal invitation.
I have read over the past few pages to try and get a feel for whats going on in your life.
I apologize that I no longer do this on a regular basis (but the heads up on my thread was the way to do it!)

silentbattle wrote on 07 Feb 2010 02:55:


Seems to me you have thought this through very well and are on the correct track.

Retaining a strong support group is vital for success.
As you said, this includes GYE, phone support, sponsors etc. The more safety nets you have set up  in advance, the less likely you will even need them. Sometimes just knowing that there is someone or something out there to catch you can be enough to prevent the fall.

Your postive plans are also well balanced in my opinion. Shiurim and chavrusas will help you remain mentally stimulated and motivated towards growth iyH. Building a relationship with a Rav you can relate to is also very important. 

I was very inspired reading how you deleted all your writing and books. As someone who writes too, I can easily imagine how difficult that must have been. Regardless of how shmutzik the topic may have been, writing is a part of yourself, and it took incredible bravery and strength to erase that. Personally, I think that this karbon alone will earn you tremendous respect in shamayim. I am honestly in awe.
But why waste that talent? "Sur meira v'asei tov" fits in perfectly here! The "sur meira" you've done - deleting the books. For the "asei tov", how about writing a new book? Perhaps also about p*rn, but from the other side? HKBH gives us talent in order for us to utilize it l'shem shamayim. 

Im not sure this helped at all. If Im off track, please let me know.

With real respect,
7 UP

silentbattle wrote on 07 Feb 2010 21:20:
Wow, this is exactly what the Rebbi Reb Dov has been preaching the last one thousand posts or so!!!

IT - wow...now THAT'S a compliment! ;D I'm not there yet, but I'd like to get there...

Sci - not sure I follow - can you elaborate?

7up - thank you so much!! For your wisdom, and also for popping by my thread at all! I know you're busy, and I appreciate your responding to my invitation/request.

Actually, although I write well, I've never really written for recreation. And there are few areas where I can get such fantastic reader response to help encourage my writing...I really should try writing, since it's a talent, and like you said, talents are made to be used. Just not sure exactly how...

i'm surprised. after encouraging me so much with songwriting, its seems like you'd definitely be writing your own original stuff. i can only bring words of encouragement.  ;D

I'm ashamed to admit that I haven't posted in this thread yet.

SB, you are one of the truly remarkable people of this forum. You always have an encouraging word for others.

I wish you the best in your recovery.