OK, I'm officially in on this thread.
I just read through the whole thing, expecting another emotional rollercoaster of falls and slips and Keep On Truckin, and Fell Shmell.
BUT SB You are the MAN. Not because of anything your doing. There are lots of people here who are clean and they are not "the man". But because your a smart guy, and your positive, and your brain is not run by your emotions, and you speak to the zach!!
I actually think this thread will be a very good thing for my own growth. Your a good example to follow. Gradual and solid advances, moving up little by little, always looking at the bright side, I can't believe I missed this thread all this time.

But what happened to all that livishe torah? I got a lot from that. Where I'm from, it's only Yosher Divrei Emes, Tanya, Kidushas Levi, Noam Elimelech, and that kind of torah...
Let me in on the goodies here, I can't show up to mussar seder with a slobodke sefer, I'll never hear the end of it.

Remember - we've all gotta be a little nuts to be here, to start with - because we're doing something so radically different from what the rest of world insists is normal!

So I can officially say, "I LOVE BEING A NUT!" ;D

No fat free stuff here, sorry Steve - but I'll take you for a jog afterward to work off the calories!

Ano...just to clarify - do you mean that you can watch movies with NO problem, and NEVER have an issue of lust? because honestly, if so, that's pretty incredible...But it sounds to me like you're saying that you're free because you no longer feel the chains that were dragging you to lust in the past...?

KG - thank you. Your compliments mean a lot, and I really appreciate them.

I'll try to work on posting some more torah thoughts 

As an aside, Sci reminded me of something...last night, I was going through my email account and deleting lots of old emails - I've already deleted all the major ones, this is the final cleaning up, kinda. And it's interesting to see the metamorphosis. About 2.5 montsh ago, everything else trails off, leaving almost entirely chizuk emails and notices of messages on GYE :D

I'd like to think that my life mirrors those changes...

silentbattle wrote on 12 Jan 2010 14:59:


I mean that I've watched movies with a SMALL amount of sexual content (I can't do this with porn  ) and I can simply look away during that type of scene. This is how it works. I'm watching the movie, and something comes up which I should not see. I have two choices: 1) Watch it closely and feel lustful, which means I am taking a suicidal "first drink," or 2) Look away and simply shut off my mind until it passes. I've been able to do #2, simply because I CAN'T do #1. BTW, (I have to say this before guard does) I don't recommend putting yourself in this kind of situation. I have only done so because I am weak...but my goal with this idea is simply to provide encouragement to those who feel that lust will never loosen its grip on them at all. With enough work, it just might.

In other words, you now have the ability to choose...That's a powerful ability. I'd take that over x-ray vision, any day (unless I'm facing a super-villain. Then I might want to temporarily trade up).

And trust me, bro, you're not weak. You might not be perfect, but we all have lots of things that we have trouble letting go of...

And come to htink of it, maybe that's what being perfect is all about - doing the best you can in an imperfect world. OK, I take it back - you ARE perfect!  :D

Ano, I don't think that makes you weak at all.  I think it's the other way.  If you can control your mind like that, it's pretty powerful and inspiring.

Wow this place picked-up !!! Hang in there SB, and make some noise (i'm very punny)

All puns accepted...

Hmmm....just thought of another aspect of "silent battle" - the idea that silence represents hashem's presence, y'know, the whole idea of "kol d'mama daka" - and this battle is all about kedusha!

Thanks, SA, for making me think of that!

Glad to see this place hopping.  KUTGW!!!  Have you ever noticed when you pray in silence, is when you get closer to G-d?  You wanted to change your name to lonely battle???  I think the name is perfect!!!!

Ano Nymous wrote on 12 Jan 2010 15:12:


Movies are a VERY tough habit to break. There are VERY few that don't have a romantic scene, and even the animated ones are brimming with sexual overtones. But I'm glad to see that you've recognized a good analogy:

Watching videos is a lot like doing #1 and #2....

That said, what Ive been able to do is weaken my need to watch by weaning myself off of it, reducing time by one day each week, until it's down to one day, and all I'd let myself watch are Andy Griffith reruns. Then it just wasn't worth it anymore... But when i see a choshuvah trailer on the web, I have a strong pull, but B"H I'm too cheap to go to movies or rent. If i stay away long enough, the desire dissipates.

KUTGW!!!

Wow, Steve...that's pretty incredible!

That's definitely the right way to use the middah of being cheap! 

Yeah, well, don't expect something on your birthday...

You are an inspiration for me. I just have to take it one day at a time, hour by hour. To hang-on for "just one more nissayon".

BTW see the thread about movies, guard has a great link for the propper nusach of the yehi ratzon to say b4 watching. I actualy printed it and taped it tot he wall in front ogf my family's computer! it's that good !!!

Silly boy, you were supposed to print it out LARGE and tape it over the screen....

aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

but what if they destroy the TV screen trying to take it off?    oh yeh....

But seriously I try to avoid the 'holier than though' approach. But this one i funny, so i can get away with it.