cordnoy wrote on 22 Jun 2017 17:28:

i was going thru my thread and i came across this post and i feel ready to answer cordz' question.
i emailed Dov recently this question maybe a bit different and i noticed that when i start asking these questions it ultimately leads me to relapse. It seems that by me asking these questions deep down i'm telling myself i'm too good too bright for program. That may be why i'm "worried" about these questions. If I'm correct in my assumption about my motives then what i feel is the answer to that is i have to tell myself look at my count i have 11 days sobriety that's bubkes if i'm satisfied with the program and it works i have to keep my theorizing in the gemara and truck like a regular sexaholic. Then b'ezras Hashem maybe I'll live a joyous happy and free life.
hatzlacha

mikestruggling wrote on 19 Oct 2017 19:44:

Ok. B'hatzlachah

Hi guys
Last night i woke up with an erection i was overcome with a urge to masturbate. and i prayed on it. it went away then i went and made a phone call to someone in America. i couldn't fall asleep for another two hours (i'm sick i was coughing etc.) and i didn't feel the urge again. i was listening to recovery speeches.
(Thanks R' HHM)
Hatzluche

Hey you givin' him away 

HI 
I'm slippin' and slidin' all over the place. My sponsor says I need to work program (as if) my life depends on it. I went today to buy a notebook to start my step 4 full throttle. 
Hatzluche

What is triggering?

Due to my not feeling well i missed a couple of shiurim and all the regular ways of downloading shiur just weren't working. I forgot that Hashem runs the world and it is possible that Hashem wants me not to hear these crucial shiurim and make the best of it.
I don't know. someone once said in a year i'll tell you what Hashem wants for now i just have to accept.

Refuah Shilaima

Thanks mayan
so I am 24 days sober i noticed it's getting harder and easier at the same time. i have this mental thing telling me i deserve to masturbate i've earned it. but of course "for us to lust is to die" and no one deserves to die.
i've also noticed that in the past there were three "Mikes" Mike the ehrlicher guy (who really really means it). Mike the addict (if he had his way...). and Mike the emotionally unstable guy (anxiety socially off).
So we held a meeting to discuss whether or not we are all one person one said yes one said no and one abstained... 

just kidding

now we're all learning to get along the more i'm in program the better they all are doing.

You deserve to live! And all three of you deep down agree to that. The ehrlicher guy should get more and more ehrlich. The addict should have a refua shleime. And the anxious/social guy should find peace.

"I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other"

the 3 mikes sounds like ifs therapy 
did anyone hear of it?

30 days once again.
it's great that i was able to get here so quickly again. but i need to remember that i the days right after i acted out it was so so so hard to hold on to my sobriety. it's not worthwhile to try again.
Hashem sent me a gift today i went to a new psychiatrist who upped my prescription. why is that a gift? it's a reminder that i didn't even scratch the beginning of recovery there's a long happy and joyous road ahead.
Thank you chevreh for being there to send me to SA.
Thank you SA for being there to send me to The Riboinoi Shel Oilam
Thank you Hashem

Super! Just keep at it one day at a time and iyh you will go way past 90.

There was a video which went a bit viral (it's on torahanytime.com no need to go to BAD APP REMOVED) of R Moishe Weinberger shreiing about some rosh yeshiiva who kicked out a guy for "pgam habris". check it out in this clip he says "those people (us) are the ones really looking for Hashem". He seems to mean what AA calls G-d-hunger. thought it was interesting.
have an awesome day