Hello Chevrah

Im up to 20 Days B''h, thank you all for your support.

Yesterday someone really upset me, usually i would have started surfing, or straight for porn, or video's that will lead eventually to porn etc. but instead i surfed GYE, so that kept me on track, now up to 20 B''h.

Another point - beeing part of the group here makes you appreciate every day survived, that gives a big boost!

So again THANK YOU ALL 

LifneiHashem wrote on 20 Dec 2016 11:24:

One day one day one day

Hi Shua

Your Still going on strong! 

Missed you...

shua73 wrote on 20 Dec 2016 15:18:

God knows you've tried but you just can't forget...

It's crazy what a full nights sleep does. Life is awesome and I'm proud to be part of such a great group of guys. Let's keep the ball rolling 

Music in background to the tune of "It's a small world"

 Quit's a bad name after all
Quit's a bad name after all

Whoops. Was I on air?

Shua: Are you named after Yehudah's father-in-law (this week's parasha)?

ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT.
Due to Singularity (man your word has a lot more weight post giving me Karma), and Shua driving me  via email

let us get closer to consider porn a fall.
If I hit 9 days clean of no MZL, I will consider initial stretch of hands to pants in front of porn a fall. Until then, I consider it a slip regardless of site (even if not amnon & tamar) and will do whatever I wrote I would:

1. Next time I go to Tamar/Amnon site (though I can certainly do without Amnon), if I do not post a 'I am slipping' like Shua did before I touch myself negia kol dhu (any touch through clothes). Unfortunately, I am not on darga of Yosef. I succeed even with clothes on.
I will require myself to post about whatever slip/fall takes place after that

4 days clean.
I read everything people wrote, especially on my forum thread, and actually called a Rov. 
AWKARD discussion back and forth, just to get him to understand what I am
suggesting and why. His personal opinion of me probably dropping, I explained 
that the computer has a pull that can suck me into spending more time than I intend to 
on it, and therefore, I want to set time limits for it to go off automatically, so that this doesn't happen.
These are controls, over and above the filter for bad content. But I can't hold the password
or else I can just extend the time whenever I feel drawn in, which wouldn't help too much.
It should be my wife who holds the password, but it can't be, based on bad experiences in the past when I tried to do just that, and she didn't and still doesn't understand that I didn't want her as a
judge and mashgiach, but rather just wanted to add a layer of that extra step, to give my yetzer tov
a good chance to win.

I continued and told the Rov, my idea, therefore, is to give 1/2 the password to my son, so that I can 
extend the time, if I really feel I need to that day, but only by him putting in the 2nd half of the password.
Wow...20 minutes more discussion and lack of understanding why would I want to get my son who is such a good boy involved in computers. I calmly explained that I never let any of my children on the computer,
since it is so harmful. I only want him to hold 1/2 the password so that I will be able to extend the time I spend on the computer, blah, blah, blah. Then, he says: but if you won't let him on the computer, because you realize how bad and harmful it is, then why do YOU need to go on the computer?

Wow...10 minutes more uncomfortable discussion and explanation. I email and write to people and get support, blah, blah, blah. Then the kicker, he says: "there is absolutely no heter to ever see a woman even with short sleeves." He said, my son shouldn't even see me on the computer, but I told him that I am not in a closed room on purpose, since I think that would be worse, and could lead to getting pulled even further down. I think he agreed to that, and ended the discussion with a 2-week trial idea, but ONLY if my wife would agree to involve my son. Otherwise, he defers to her.

Well, surprise...she is against it. She wants the control herself. Which won't work. She can't get past the idea that if I can get it turned on, outside the time limits I set, just by asking, then how is it going to cut down the time I'm on the computer. She thinks it's a farce. She wants to be able to judge yes or no on a case by case basis, which will almost always be no, and that is anyway mashgiachy and judging me...
no good. She said she wants to think about it for 24 hours. 

Then, the final straw was that my son, who was on board the whole time until now, hears that thing about the short sleeve shirts, and says: "I don't want to be involved in helping you do an issur." 
Wow...So, he'll only agree to hold 1/2 the password if I go Cold Turkey and take off all the stupids (streaming videos).

Wow....maybe this has all been HaShem pushing/helping/getting me to do the right thing. But I have a tyvah to watch streaming videos. I want to watch them. There are 42 more videos of a series I got into. My wife says: "you don't really want to watch those 42 episodes all about a fire." I say yes I do. But part of me doesn't. Both feel real. I really do want to watch them, and I really don't want to watch them. I don't know which way I am going to decide. Which part of me is going to win. Maybe I will just say forget it. I'll continue to hold the password, and improve slowly or not. I don't want a 3rd helping of Cold Turkey. It's tough. That's not what I was ready for, and is not what I decided. I wanted to add time limits that will work, while keeping "the stupids" as he calls it (all the streaming videos...regular/not explicit).
I take a long walk and think about it. Freezing cold! 

O.k. I am willing to try Cold Turkey hopefully for the last time.
The Rov assumed that's what I meant anyway, because how could I possibly be watching streaming videos. They have women actresses with short sleeves...and worse.

My wife says she is willing to try it for 2-weeks, like the Rov suggested, and then evaluate if it had any positive effect/toeles in curtailing the amount of time I spend on the computer.
So, the 2-week trial has begun. 
And the fact that I will have to report back to him, may actually help me. 
Tues, Wed, and Thurs night, erev Shabbos, Motzei Shabbos, Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed, and Thurs night
is 10 days. We'll see how effective this idea is over these next 10 days.

I wrote one of my two support buddies and he responded: 
Looks like you boxed yourself into having to quit your bad habits. I guess it's a good thing.

I am just writing to say I stand by your Rebbe as I posted or IMed someone that my Rebbe said watching paperclips (!) cannot be justified if people are not dressed right. So just in case anyone considers you fanatical, they will have to consider me fanatical as well (do not think for a moment I am on this level though right now. When I watched the movie in 2010, though, I was and I noticed it) Right now, I have bigger fish to fry:

Hi Yosef 

I think that the answer from your Rov about your son, was the right thing, as even if he dosent do anything except the password, it WILL give him some excitement in computers & technology, which could generate further places that would you wouldnt want .....

About your Rov that didnt understand, i can somewhat relate as i cant imagine confiding my Rov, as he's probably got similar understanding to your's. I suggest maybe next time find some Mashpia that has got a Da'as Torah and understands technology & our Nisyones. Just make sure not to fool yourself, take someone that will understand you and help you, but not someone that will agree to you on everything and will be easier for you.

Looking forward hearing from you, but meanwhile it seems you'v got some Mehalech! so keep on.

Yosef Tikun HaYesod wrote on 20 Dec 2016 16:39:

When I wrote my earlier post, I did not read through the whole thing carefully.

Yes, shorts sleeves is an issue (again, I am have slipped in my shemira and am not there right now)

If I were you, I would not have involved my wife and just gone to some library if I REALLY NEEDED (your definition of NEED is streaming video). (My definition of need is to send a time sensitive email or make a time sensitive transaction)

Also, your definition of cold turkey, is not using the Internet outside hours.

I apologize if I am saying the wrong thing, but through mine eyes whose current streak does not amount nearly to your last streak, life is not so hard for you. You are not losing out on anything. Your only worry is losing streaming outside hours. I already committed myself based on some system (forgot what now) that Mark headed and agreed to stop watching past a certain hour else I consider it a slip.

You are holier than me, but I still write from experience. If someone on the forum wrote something like this to me, I may punch him him in the nose and leave guard your eyes...But look Singularity and Shua tried to help me to focus on porn, and I listened to them instead of continuing my arguments even if I think I am right

will Succeed Beh wrote on 20 Dec 2016 19:07:

I respectfully disagree. I do not see anything questionable about what your Rav told you especially in light of my last post. I am not taking Karma away from WS for that though as I understand Karma is more for how well you give chizuk and how popular you are. But if that giraffe sticks out his tongue at me one more time, I will need to procure a copy of the Karma rule book so I know my rights.

Sorry didnt yet manage to change that, will try ASAP:disappointed_relieved:

quiet wrote on 20 Dec 2016 19:20:

But a person needs someone to respect his pace and level, and as well give him that feeling!

Gotta go,

Sorry Quiet didnt yet manage to change the pic.... will do BEH!