some excellent content on this difficult topic in this thread. 
Definitely speaks to me in my relationship with my wife. 
many things your wife expresses, as well as your emotions are right in line with what im tasked with.
the biggest challenge for me is when my wife goes on a "put hubby down" spree it sets me back terribly. not chas vshalom to act out but it cracks my self esteem and confidence. I find myself questioning if im a worthwhile human being when ive been clean since the day i was caught. it leaves me feeling worthless, depressed, incompetent etc.
my anxiety over my wifes trust in me and her emotional state, on one hand is a blessing bcz i obsess over building her trust in me and never putting her thru the hell again. As well as when she is positive/complimentary/understanding it's a huge chizuk.
Yet at the same time it can backfire by her ability thru her words to pull me down and cause depression which is obviously not healthy for someone trying to rebuild his life. 
That's why when i read your post i was instantly drawn to the topic. So thank you for sharing and i would love to hear more abt ur accomplishments, and iy"h hatzlacha with all your nisyonos
i will also be referencing back to nashamas post as a source of instruction and inspiration for me personally! What a practical and well articulated writing!! 
Yasher koach!