Shalom chaverim,

I've been actively involved in this struggle now for almost 3 years, which began after a slow and then rapid descent into low low levels of impurity. B"H today I am so much higher up than I was. Thanks to everyone here, it is such a chizuk to know that there are others out there struggling and succeeding as well. And even though I don't post here a lot, I feel the support from everyone here.

I guess today I just wanted to write about where I am now. As I said I am so very far up from where I was when I started. Back then I was so low, I can only look back on who I was then and have pity. Am I completely free of the struggle? Sadly, no. Sometimes I can go for passages of time and be very good, and then other times it is a real struggle. I am starting to wonder if I will ever be completely free of this struggle. I guess not. Sometimes I am worried that I will hit a rough patch in life and then just "act out". I understand that this struggle is a part of human nature, however it is clearly exacerbated in todays times by technology and the societies we live in. 

So, I accept that the struggle will always be there. Hopefully with time it becomes easier and easier to control and I can gain more of an upper hand. But I think I will always have to be vigilant against it. 

I'm definitely not giving up this struggle. No way. There is no way I am going back to being the person that I was. Just feeling a bit tired of it, and wanted to talk to someone about it. It's hard also because it isn't something that I have anyone to really talk to with about it outside of this forum. I wonder if it would be easier for all of us if this was something that we could discuss openly.

Anyway, just sharing my thoughts right now. B"H I am doing well and have made significant gains in this struggle since I began it. I pray that I will continue to have greater and greater success and no falls, and that everyone else here has great success as well. Hatzlacha raba!

bearman13 wrote on 06 Jun 2016 13:34:

that is why we have groups and calls and meetings.

Thanks cordnoy. Good point. I'll check it out.

If you're lucky enough to be free 1:20 EST you can even hear the heileger Cordnoy live. Not an opportunity to be passed up lightly  guardyoureyes.com/component/zoo/item/white-book-and-big-book-group?category_id=126

Watson wrote on 19 Jun 2016 13:55:

The check is in the mail.