Random question, wondering what you guys think...?
I'm currently a single (religious) male fighting all the standard things thay bring us here, and there is a girl who I've been dating on and off for a while but nothing steady.
Is my 'bad luck' in relationships g-d's way of punishing me for not controling myself, and as long as I'm 'falling' I will never have a relationship?
*note- on a practical level my battles have nothing to do with her failure to commit. Just wondering if on a spiritual level it is an outcome?

Welcome,

What's your recovery plan?

I've been using various things on the site for the last half a year with some better months and some worse months, but am currently in a good couple of weeks.
Why?

I do not know your situation well enough to answer this.

I appreciate that, but what I'm really asking is whether it can be said that we see immediate spiritual repercussions for loosing the fight or not. I stress again, its not that it gets between us physically. As far as she is concerned the problem is her indecisiveness.
Is there no general answer? (Sorry to pester you!)

We don't know God's ways.
There is retribution in this world.
Some are immediate, and some are drawn out.
There are lessons to be derived.
There is a plan.
We are not privy to it.
It is our mission to do good and become closer to God.
That might not be the way for you, me or others to recover, but that wasn't your question.

thistimelucky613 wrote:


I had the same question when I was dating, it's what brought me to an online forum for porn and masturbation addiction. After a while I found GYE and through GYE I found SA and discovered that what I thought was the problem really just scratched the surface. Now I'm so glad I had the problems then that led me here.

That's just me, to answer the question, here's what I really think:

I'll tell you what I think; having seen struggles in my own life that seemed like immediate spiritual repercussions from my acting out I started to think about whether it was or wasn't. What I came up with is that there are two ways to look at it, but ultimately it doesn't matter.

On one hand, and especially if you are more mystically inclined, it may indeed be the spiritual ramifications. However, even if it is not a spiritual result, it is likely that t is completely connected. Only you can figure out how, but I can tell you this- if you weren't acting out you would likely have much more confidence and self esteem, feel better about yourself, and likely because of that be much more appealing to others as well. As a result, it would definitely increase your success in ANY relationships, and especially with a girl. When you act out, you're in your head, you feel bad about yourself and feel like a fake and phony, and there's no way that doesn't affect your relationship.

Just my two cents, but regardless, hatzlacha in your recovery!!!

Like what Cordnoy wrote (and I would recommend paying close attention to just about everything he writes, it's usually solid gold), it's not our job to take in to account what God's plan is. He has His own plan, and we need to do our part, but we can't decide on our own what is or isn't a 'message' from God and that certain things are 'direct spiritual consequences' of certain actions.

To the best of my knowledge, there are only 2 mirzvos in the Torah where we are told of the reward ('long life' for Shiluach Hakein and Kibud Av), and there is only 1 Mitzvah where we are allowed to 'challenge' God: Tzedakah.

And if anyone ever claims that they know certain things are happening as a direct result of certain actions, or that a certain event will occur, keep in mind a certain Gemara (don't know the source offhand, if anyone else does I'll add it in) that says that the only people in our times with Ruach Hakodesh are children and insane people. So if the person isn't a child...

Thanks

My rebbe once told me that, so I told him I obtained it as a child, and I never let it go.

The Gemara actually clearly states that if someone sees negative things (the Gemara says יסורין) he should be יפשפש במעשיו. Meaning, he should analyze his actions to see if they might be responsible. Now obviously, the Gemara isn't saying that as your analyzing your actions it means that you understand Hashem's ways. However, what the Gemara IS saying is that you can connect what is happening to your actions to see what has to be fixed. נחפשה דרכינו ונחקורה is what the pasuk says- let us investigate and search our ways.

However, you certainly are correct in saying that it is not for anyone else but the person himself going through the ordeal to say whether the suffering is a direct result.